How To Get Confidence Fast
In attempts to be more attractive to the opposite sex, men the world over have all heard some variation of the phrase “Just be confident”.
It is hands down the most overused phrase that relationship advice columnists have pummelled into the ground (except for maybe it’s annoying cousin “just be yourself”).
So what is confidence, and how do we make you more of it?
First off, what confidence is not…
Boasting about how much you got for your pay raise (bragging),
Talking publicly about how women are sub-par beings in your mind (misogyny),
Mentioning how every woman loves you because of how utterly amazing you are (cocky).
These are all band-aids designed to cover your gaping wounds of low self-esteem and insecurity.
High-quality women can sense the difference between confidence and your poorly masked guise before you’ve even finished your first sentence.
True, self-assured swagger comes from being a man of character and drive.
Ask any woman if she would be interested in meeting a man who is relaxed, self-assured, funny, honest, ambitious, and passionate about goals in his life… and I would wager that she would indeed like to meet this man. Bonus points if he dresses well.
Because what confidence really comes down to… is this:
1) You have a belief in your ability to handle what comes your way
2) There are no major things of which you are regretful or ashamed
Now, if you are reading this, you obviously have a drive to better yourself. And for that I say congratulations!
The fact that you care is going to take you a long way in life.
Confidence affects your resilience.
If some speed bumps come up in your life (which they ALWAYS will), your confidence and belief in your abilities will help you navigate the tough times. Women intuitively know that how you deal with women is a microcosm of how you deal with your entire life. If you are afraid of approaching a woman to ask her on a date, you are likely just as afraid asserting yourself to your boss. If you fly off the handle over seemingly trivial things because your emotions aren’t in check, then that also speaks to your underdeveloped or boy-like character. If you can’t handle criticism, or are unable to apologize when you mess up, you are signalling a tender ego to women.
So how do we ‘toughen up’ our sense of self and truly grow into more confident men?
Here are the top 5 highest leverage ways to be more confident.
1) Write down everything that you don’t like about yourself
Stare your demons in the face and wave hello with a smile on your face. They only give you power over you if you let them. And they definitely have more power than they deserve if they just keep floating around in your head without you committing to writing it.
Note: Don’t just write down a little piece of it. Write down the scary, 100% truth. Some examples might be “I’m afraid I’m not good enough for women”, “I don’t have any direction in my life”, or “I feel like women don’t like me because of my ____”
Now that you have these things in a physical format, don’t they seem a little bit less daunting?
Now… rip it up, put it in the trash, and let them go.
2) Only do things in your life that you would tell your grandma about
This comes down to integrity. Do you do things that you are proud of or that you want to hide? Even the small things. In every waking moment, ask yourself, am I proud to be doing what I am filling my life with right now?
In this age of electronic information, it is extremely likely that your future grandchildren will know absolutely everything that you did in your life. They will know all of your major milestones. Make your life a story that you would want them to hear.
3) Align with your passions
I’m going to be doing an entire post on this soon, everything in your life will stem from this. Figure it out, align everything around it. (Edit: Here is that post)
4) Take baby steps towards self-efficacy
If we have been letting our confidence and sense of integrity slip for a while, it may feel like an uphill battle. If we keep doing something that doesn’t get us results, our inclination will be to stop that behaviour. So set small goals for achievable things. This way our mind gets used to associating rewards with the behaviour and we will be more inclined to continue it.
5) Change the outside, and the inside will follow
Just like open body language and deep breathing exercises calm your body and mind when you are stressed, changing your body language and things like your fashion will also make you feel more confident internally.
Another way to think about confidence… It’s a LACKing, not a having. To be confident means to have a lack of things that you can be “called” on or embarrassed by. Women are drawn to men that can just be themselves without fear or concern for other people’s approval.
Dedicated to your success,