Are you continually making an effort to be the best partner possible?
Here’s the thing… it’s easy to coast in life.
You can get a job that’s good enough to pay the bills, be in good enough shape to take the stairs without getting winded, and be a good enough partner that your significant other doesn’t get mad at you often.
But you don’t want to just coast. You want to excel. To push. To strive. To grow.
The most important quality you can possess as an intimate partner is to constantly be choosing growth. There is no neutral. You are either improving yourself, or you are sliding backwards.
Whether you are single or in a relationship, how do you know your unique value as a partner?
How To Take Stock Of Your Value As A Partner
Open a Word Document or grab a pen and a sheet of paper. Ask yourself, “What qualities do already I possess that make me an amazing partner?”
Write down at least ten; these qualities could be related to your character, your personality, your appearance, or your lifestyle.
Did you know that people don’t actually know themselves as well as others do?
Once you have finished the first exercise, copy and paste the following message to five people that know you well.
I read an article recently ( http://www.jordangrayconsulting.com/2013/12/valuable-partner/) that mentioned that people don’t intrinsically know themselves completely without external perspectives. So I’m curious, how would you describe me in 3-5 different ways?
Your feedback is appreciated!”
Add whatever feedback you get from your friends/family/partner to your original list along with the ten (or more) qualities you wrote about yourself.
So what if the list is looking a little slim? How do you add more bullet points to it?
How To Become A More Valuable Partner
While it is true that you are worthy of love and belonging just by being born and continuing to exist, it is also true that people have needs that must be filled. Your ability to fulfill those needs is part of your value as a partner.
We’re all brothers and sisters and kumbaya and stuff but some people are simply more valuable romantic options than others.
For a large percentage of a given population, a man who is a humble, handsome, socially intelligent, witty, thirty-year-old millionaire is going to be a much more attractive option than a needy, passionless man who is homeless, illiterate, and immature. That’s how the world works.
So what do you bring to the table?
Here are five ways that you can start becoming more valuable as a partner.
The healthier you are in terms of your diet, exercise routine, and lifestyle, the better.
If you work out, you are less prone to depression, you are a better lover, and you are more resilient during flu season (and therefore more able to nurture your partner back to health).
Not only that, but you can build fences, carry your partner to bed, and give better foot massages.
Intimate relationships require emotional connection to thrive. And how do you establish emotional connection?
Communicate frequently and with depth. Make an effort to clear the residue of resentment that can creep up in relationships if you let things go unsaid for too long.
On a personal level, work through and own your emotional history. Go to therapy, get coaching, or start journaling if you need to. Learn how to forgive those who have hurt you in the past. Learn to open yourself and your partner more fully.
I am not referring to being spiritual in the religious sense.
Your spiritual value is your ability to establish peace and harmony in your life and the life of your partner. It is the ability to align your values with your actions.
How congruent are you with what you say you will do, and what you actually do?
Take note of this and make sure that you are who you say you are, that you do what you say you will do.
Money can absolutely buy you happiness, to a certain extent. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either lying or trying to sell you something.
Increased financial abundance gives you access to greater health, more free time, and easier access to experiences that you otherwise would not have been exposed to.
If you are unemployed, living off credit, or committing any other financial faux pas that adolescents of today use to get by, sort your life out.
There are pots and pots of money out there with your name on them, waiting for you. You just have to start working harder to claim them. All you have to do is start adding value to the market that most directly speaks to your unique strengths.
Maybe that means that you have to start working on the right kinds of jobs. Maybe it means you have to change career paths. Maybe it means that you have to learn a new skill by reading books at the library and then creating your own job.
Whatever it takes, just figure it out. While my single millionaire clients weren’t necessarily happy with their love lives, they undoubtedly had more freedom than my clients who were not as financially well-off.
5. Skill Building
People like to be around other people that make their lives better and easier.
My friend Ben is a surfer, pilot, entrepreneur, dog-loving sweetheart who is trained in wilderness survival and can bench press his date while having an intimate conversation with her. I’m not exaggerating in the slightest. That is a real human.
Can you give a killer foot massage? Can you cook an amazing meal? Can you defend your partner if you were both attacked in a dark alley way? Can you speak multiple languages proficiently?
Building your skill set isn’t just limited to my male readers. Though it is typical of western society to value men for what they do (job) and women for what they are (beauty), partners of either gender can increase their value with their skill set.
Become as valuable of a partner as possible by constantly adding skills to your repertoire.
Become A More Valuable Partner Today
The greatest gift that you can give to the world and to your partner is to become your best possible self.
Push yourself to grow. Become more. Be more to those who need you the most.
Stop letting yourself get away with being lazy or sliding backwards… and keep advancing yourself as a person.
The purpose of your life is to contribute to the world using your unique strengths and to do so to the greatest extent possible. And you can only do that by becoming your greatest self first.
I wish you the best of luck in your journey; I am always here to lend a hand for guidance.
Dedicated to your success,
Ps. Want to take your value as a partner to its maximum potential? Check out How To Find Your Ideal Partner to find a high value relationship partner, and Fight Less, Love More to become the kind of man your woman will brag about.