Apr 24, 2013

Why You Are 30 And Single

With many things in life, a strategy of long term investment is a good idea. Your exercise habits… your diet… your finances…

But when it comes to your love life, postponing love because you’re still working on yourself (or you say you haven’t met the perfect partner yet) can be a misguided intention.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t take care of yourself and your needs first and foremost… we can’t be generous unless we have first been selfish.

But think about it this way…

When you’re on an airplane, it’s true that you’re asked to put your own oxygen mask on first before assisting others. But you aren’t asked to breathe the oxygen until your heart reaches it’s optimal resting rate before helping them. Once your core needs are met, you look elsewhere.

A relationship with someone who complements you adds fuel to your fire. They push you towards your goals. They see who you are and they support you in your life.

Here are five reasons that you might be holding back a bit too much…


1. You don’t trust others to give you the same level of satisfaction

You’ve gotten really good at getting a few of your needs met and you fear someone encroaching on your independence will take away from your sense of balance.

Granted, any relationship takes certain sacrifices of your time, but adding a partner to your life will make you happier. While it may be true that you don’t have time for relationships that drain you, you will always have the time for relationships that fill you with encouragement and love.

2. You fear that you’ll slide back in to old habits

Maybe you’re worried that when you feel comfortable you’ll get out of shape, you’ll lose motivation in your career, or you’ll lose touch with friends. And maybe that’s true.

Are you doing those things purely to attract a partner? Or are you doing them because they create fulfillment in your life? Maybe it’s time you started living life on your terms and did things for the pure sake of enjoyment that they bring you… not doing them for how impressive they seem.

3. You’ve been hurt in the past

It’s a fact of life that you will get hurt. You will lose friends, family and lovers when you don’t want to. You can either risk being hurt by looking for love and being disappointed, or guarantee that same hurt by staying single forever.

4. You’re chasing an ideal that doesn’t exist

It’s not your fault, you were raised with the fairy tale notion that perfect, maintenance-free love exists. That if you just waited long enough you would find the partner that has everything you could ever dream of in a lover. Well, they aren’t coming. Nor do they exist.

Real love takes courage and tears and fights and epic make up sex.

Am I saying you should settle with the first person that comes along? Of course not. But acknowledge that you’re looking for another human being to spend your time with that will have their own faults and quirks (as you do), and not a fantasy lover that only exists in mainstream media.

5. You’re protecting yourself

All of the above points hint at the same universal truth… you are hiding yourself.  You’re living in your comfort zone of what you know as familiar because it’s easy. It’s easy to continue focusing on your gym routine, or your career, or your meditation practice. But don’t hide from love forever. A life without love is hardly spent living at all.

So if you’ve been prioritizing yourself for more months (or years) than you’d care to admit to, it might be time to share your energy with someone that deserves it.

If you’ve been “too busy”, “too career focused”, or too scared to open up to a relationship over the last few years, maybe it’s time to open up again.

Your empowered love life awaits.

Dedicated to your success,




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