Oct 16, 2013

The 3 Timeless Laws Of Attraction

Humans are fairly predictable creatures.

Because of this, we crave a sense of differentiation.

We all want to be unique. We want to feel special. We want to believe that the rules that apply to all people don’t automatically apply to us.

But you know something…

It’s okay to be human.

And as a human, you should accept that, though predictable, there are certain fundamental facts about attraction that you just can’t ignore.

Here are the three timeless laws of attraction…

1. You Have To Be Sexually Attracted To Her

And I’m not even talking about “Yeah, she’s cute enough, I guess.”

You should be afraid of your attraction to your partner. In the early, infatuation stage of attraction, she consumes your thoughts. It might even feel like you didn’t have a sex drive before you met her.

You think about the last time that you had sex, and your body burns for the next time that you’ll get to do it again.

Her scent makes you dizzy… the sight of her lips makes you hard… and everything about her softness and vulnerability makes you want to protect her in every way possible.

Life is too short to be with someone that you aren’t ridiculously attracted to and proud to be with. You want to be distractingly, overwhelmingly attracted to your partner. Don’t shy away from it.

Closeup of a lips

2. You Are Attracted To People Who Fulfill Your Needs

People need things. You have emotional, financial, and sexual needs.

As a social species, we rely on others to survive and thrive.

On a primal level, you only have two desires – keep living and keep making babies. So anyone that helps you fulfill those desires (or perhaps someone that only helps you practice the latter) makes you feel fantastic.

Want to keep living? Someone who buys or prepares food for you, shelters or makes a home for you, and protects or nurtures you will appeal to your primal desires.

Want to have sex (silly question)? Someone who makes you ache with burning desire, consumes your every thought, and makes you want to spend days on end in bed will appeal to your primal desires.

There are also secondary needs that a partner can meet- providing feelings of safety and security, ample encouragement (that helps build your self-esteem), connection and friendship (that comes from investing in your relationship). All these fulfilled needs can build on your initial primal attraction.

The bottom line is this: people that help you in your quest to become the most satisfied, comfortable, and self-actualized person possible are the people most attractive to you.

So if you have any hang-ups because you like that your partner helps provide for you, because she is an amazing outlet to help you with your emotions, or because you feel like a sex god when she gives you that look… lose the guilty feelings. Accept that you’re a human with needs. And realize that it feels fantastic having those needs met.

3. You Have To Put Work Into Yourself

But it isn’t enough to just put an adequate amount of effort into yourself. If you want a prize, you have to be a prize.

No one will ever speak up for you when it comes to your love life. And no one ever should.

Whether you are a man or a woman, you have to invest in your own growth. If you want to level up, you have to earn your way there. Nobody is born with amazing social skills in the same way that people aren’t born with chiseled abs or permanently-maintained hair styles.

You are already worthy of being loved just by being born, but by whom you are loved is largely up to you. You can put in zero effort and date the partner that no one wants, or you can grow yourself into the ultimate you that could ever exist and date the partner that everyone wants.

It’s unrealistic to say that your ideal match will wander into your life with no effort on your part. To become a prize, you must put in effort. There is no other way.

They Are Timeless For A Reason

Many people who win the lottery are in a worse off position financially one year after winning it then before they won. Why? Because it’s much harder to keep what you want than it is to get what you want. Anyone who hasn’t put effort into themselves can luck their way into a relationship with an amazing person, but it won’t last very long if neither partner is putting in any effort to maintain it.

Figure out what you want, work hard to achieve it, and then work just as hard to maintain it.

This applies to your bank balance, your lifestyle, your body, and your relationship. Don’t let the line go slack. There’s already enough mediocrity in the world and you don’t need to contribute to it.

Need help figuring out what you want? Want some guidance in achieving it? Feel free to reach out.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
How To Recharge Your Relationship From The Inside Out
Nov 4, 2015
Jordan Gray
How To Recharge Your Relationship From The Inside Out
Without intentional effort, relationships get stale. And while communication, date nights, romantic gestures, and great sex will definitely add a boost to your love life, sometimes what we really need to do is improve our relationship by improving our relationship with ourselves. In my opinion,...
Continue Reading
How To Not Feel Like Roommates
May 8, 2023
Jordan Gray
How To Not Feel Like Roommates
Over the last 15 years of working with people on their relationships full-time, one of the most common sets of questions I get is around 'How do I bring the spark back to my relationship that sometimes feels like we're just roommates with responsibilities?' And this is a valid question. As the...
Continue Reading
8 Things Men And Women Hate Hearing From Their Partner
Mar 21, 2016
Jordan Gray
8 Things Men And Women Hate Hearing From Their Partner
Where are men and women most vulnerable? What specific things do their partners say to them that bother them the most? When and how do they feel the most criticized? You asked me… I asked them… and they answered. These poll-style articles have become a consistent hit that my readers seem to love, so...
Continue Reading
The Benefits Of Entrepreneur / Entrepreneur Relationships
Oct 24, 2015
Jordan Gray
The Benefits Of Entrepreneur / Entrepreneur Relationships
I've written in the past about the best type of intimate partner for an entrepreneur, and things that driven people need in their love lives, but what about when both of the people in the relationship are entrepreneurs and/or self-employed? I get this question quite regularly so I thought I would...
Continue Reading
‘Why Are Men Always Intimidated By Me?’: What’s Actually Happening
Feb 6, 2024
Jordan Gray
‘Why Are Men Always Intimidated By Me?’: What’s Actually Happening
I recently worked with a woman we’ll call Jennifer. Jennifer came to me because she had been single for over 10+ years, and she stated that she no longer wanted to be. She told me that men always found her 'intimidating' and that they just didn’t know how to relate to her (which is far from the first...
Continue Reading
Why She Should Never Be Your Equal
Apr 10, 2013
Jordan Gray
Why She Should Never Be Your Equal
You've just finished a hard day's work, and all you want to do is spend some time connecting with your partner. But they've had their own challenging day and are feeling exhausted. "Can't you just go to the gym and run off your stress? I'm in the middle of something." ... You find out that...
Continue Reading