Dec 2, 2018

How To Master Dark Sexual Energy As A Man

Do you feel like you might be lacking a sexual edge in your life? Want to feel more dominant, assertive, and powerful in the bedroom?

Whether you know it or not, what you’re looking to cultivate is called dark sexual energy. And I’m going to show you how to do it. 

The search for dark sexual energy is a huge part of my backstory. It’s part of what drove me to create everything you see on this website. I want you to have whatever tools you need to facilitate this transformation and become sexually powerful.

Once you do, nothing will ever be the same.

When I was younger, I was a classic nice guy. I had ZERO sexual edge. The majority of women I was attracted to thought I was gay. Not because of my style or tone of voice. It was about how I felt, or more accurately, how I didn’t feel. There wasn’t an ounce of an animal to be found. Women have a sixth sense for edge and confidence in guys.

dark sexual energy
17 year old Jordan. No edge to be found.

I was terrified to give any direct signs of interest. I was worried I’d look like an idiot, or get a reputation as a creep. I guarded my sexual thoughts and impulses because of the shame I carried around having them. If I stumbled into sex, I could get a little rough in the moment, but I always felt heavily restrained. 

One girlfriend after another, I kept passively dropping the ball and watched helplessly as other guys would come in and sweep her off her feet. The frustration was too much. I desperately needed to figure this out.

Everything changed for me when I met an older female mentor who named directly that my problem was that I was lacking dark sexual energy. 

So, I started frequenting sex clubs and BDSM dungeons and began studying under people who I considered to be experts in embodying their sexual power.

I saw and learned a lot of crazy shit during that time. But through it all, here’s the biggest secret I took away:

ANY man can learn to exude dark sexual energy, because you already have it inside of you, right now. It’s not a matter of bringing in new information from the outside, it’s a process of liberating and reclaiming what has been locked up within.

It’s easy enough to write that down in two sentences. But living it out can take several years. In fact, if you really struggle with this energy, the work never really ends. You’ll probably always come up against the odd moment where you slip into old patterns of thinking and acting like a passive ‘nice guy’, when you’d rather behave in new, bold, and confident ways. 

Psychological and emotional transformations are different than hitting the gym for a month to get a little buff. You’re fighting to break out of the ruts in your own brain and nervous system. These pathways were formed and traced over your entire lifetime. 

But you CAN change them. I’m going to give you the quickest and highest leverage ways to do exactly that. It will be uncomfortable. Just be patient. If you backslide, forgive yourself and recommit. Above all, never quit and keep pushing forward.

What Is Dark Sexual Energy?

Dark sexual energy is a very specific brand of assertiveness. It’s one thing to feel competitive or self-assured in work, sports, or conversation. But it’s another game entirely when you feel powerful and shameless in the most charged area of your life – sex and relationships. 

(To be clear, “dark” has nothing to do with being mean, or abusive, but everything to do with being dominant, liberated, and in control. If light sexual energy shows up as gentle, playful, explorative, and connective, then dark sexual energy is the more rough, primal, selfish energy. Neither one is more correct than the other. They are both valuable sides of yourself to be able to have access to.)

Inside of your darkest sexual desires, like the urge to own someone and use them as an object for your personal gratification, for example, there is a highly taboo form of personal power. This power comes from the ancient, irrational, primal animal inside of you. 

This animal doesn’t care what society thinks is right or wrong, healthy or unhealthy. It is selfish and tribal. It wants to win, own, destroy and fuck, anytime, anywhere. 

If we think these natural impulses are dangerous, or not good, we cut ourselves off from them and hide them from the world. While you shouldn’t act on every one of those desires, you should extract and integrate the quality of bold selfishness behind them.

When it’s backed with a pure heart and a foundation of love and care, the expression of this selfishness creates a safe and wickedly erotic container. 

What Are The Benefits Of Cultivating Dark Sexual Energy?

Sure, you’ll boost confidence, increase sexual polarity, have smoother foreplay and way hotter sex, as well as get more sizzle in your relationships day-to-day. But dark sexual energy is something that will change your entire life.

sex feels like for women, what sex feels like for women, boost testosterone, dark sexual energy

You’ll walk with more confidence. Co-workers will respect you more. Other men won’t fuck with you. You’ll have clearer visions of what you want to accomplish, and more energy to get after them.

Overall, you’ll get more female attention because they implicitly trust guys who are in touch with their power. They’re drawn to men who have an air of assertive leadership about them. If she’s into you, she absolutely wants to be taken and totally ravished. She loves feeling wanted, like you almost need to fuck her with everything you’ve got. 

Again, this has absolutely nothing to do with being an asshole. The healthy opposite of a passive, meek ‘nice guy’ isn’t an asshole jerk… it’s a grounded, heart centred man who has made friends with his beast energy.

Basically, what we’re trying to do here is coax your inner beast out of its cage and put a leash on it. Don’t worry about whether or not you have one. If your heart is beating, and you have a cock, then there’s an animal hiding inside of you. If you doubt it, that just means you’re not in touch with it yet. 

Know that women DESPERATELY want you to bring this to your relationship. It’s safe to let it out. This is the core force of sexual attraction, and sadly the biggest thing missing in modern men today. 

When it’s properly integrated, dark sexual energy is a huge source of fun, power, and sexual fuel, which both you and your partners will love. Men who haven’t done this work tend to fall on either extreme of being meek and inhibited, or abusive and disrespectful. We don’t want to be any of those things. 

Here are the biggest things you can do to integrate your dark sexual energy:

1. Make Friends With Your Anger.

Making friends with anger is like making friends with anything – you need to make an effort to connect and spend some time getting familiar with it.

This is the coal you burn to fuel the engine of the whole process. None of the other tips below will get you anywhere until you get moving on this one first. Because this point is the most important and unusual, it will be a little longer than the rest.

If you’re drawn to this topic, you’re probably a “nice guy” just like I was. For us nice guys, anger is a scary thing to face. Having difficulty with it usually means you learned to cut it off during childhood, usually to avoid negative attention and keep people happy. Or maybe your mother, father, or a sibling had an overwhelming temper and so you vowed to never be like them (and disowned the anger that lives inside of you in the process).

In our early years, anger is not exactly helpful. Feeling it usually gets in the way of what we desperately want the most: love and approval from our caretakers. When you showed your temper, or spoke in selfish ways, it’s likely you were heavily scolded. And if an adult was too careless with their anger, you’d shut yours down in response.

This leaves you with an ongoing avoidance of conflict, because you’re afraid of losing control, being hurt, or hurting someone else, and can’t handle the idea of being seen as an unsafe or undesirable person. You constantly bite your tongue, and will do anything in your power to avoid experiencing anger, either in yourself or from someone else. 

Here’s the problem: being in touch with anger is the foundation of self-confidence and healthy adult psychology. And anger is the natural precursor to being able to set and maintain personal boundaries. When you disconnect those wires, you lose touch with this primary source of personal power we’ve been talking about. Instead of being channeled properly, it starts leaking into your system and wreaking all kinds of havoc. 

Anger is your ally. It gives you a sense of backbone and solidity. Once you make friends with it, it feels like having a giant bouncer hovering over your shoulder everywhere you go; like something has your back, and you can’t be pushed around so easily by life (and people sense it just by being around you).

A) Catharsis, or “anger on purpose”

The quickest route to blasting open the dam is through the body, not the mind. It’s best to do this when you’re home alone. Not just because you don’t want to bother other people, but also because you want to feel free to go completely fucking ballistic. Knowing nobody is around will help you let go.

Here are some things you can try:

  • Pillow screaming. “Fuck You!” is the simplest ultimate expression of beast mode anger. Lay face down on your bed, or sit on the edge, and yell it into a pillow 5-10 times. Relax and breathe. Pay attention to your body and mental imagery. Repeat the process 3 times.

    This might sound simple, but it’s insanely therapeutic. Most people have flashbacks to childhood memories of significant anger events. You can almost feel a connection forming between your throat and that pit of fire in your belly in real time.
  • Kick your bed’s ass. Take a tennis racket, or something close to it, and beat your mattress like it slapped your grandma and owes you money. Be total. Let yourself become an unhinged ape. Feel the electric current of rage flow from your feet to your fists. Do it in cycles, or one big session. When you’re finished, sit, close your eyes, and breathe.
  • Use a heavy bag. You don’t need to take up boxing, but finding access to a punching bag (if you can’t get one yourself) is another awesome way to unleash the beast. Combine this with verbal catharsis (if you’re in an environment where you are able to do so) for bonus points.
  • Make a rage playlist. Good music makes room for us to feel certain emotions. Start a collection of songs that bring out the beast in you. Listen to it when you’re working out, doing the therapy work above, or just need to get pumped as fuck before a big event. For you, it might be rap, metal, punk, or rock. Personally, I love raging out to screamo, hardcore, or really bass heavy dubstep.
  • Find a willing partner and scream ‘Fuck you!’ into each other’s faces simultaneously.
men, repressed anger, masculine edge, men's group, dark sexual energy

B) Vocalize your dark side, or “shadow”

Get more familiar with the darker contents of your mind by giving them permission to be voiced. Don’t take it too personally. You might say really ugly things in the moment that you don’t actually believe, or would never want someone else to hear.

But that’s a good thing! It means you’re hitting the mark, and letting out irrational, primal fury. The voice of shame and judgement is an echo of those from childhood who told you anger was a bad thing. Don’t let it control you. 

  • Stem repeating. Set a timer for 5 minutes and repetitively complete the stem phrase “I fucking hate…” Fill in the blank with anything and everything.

    Again, it doesn’t have to make sense every time. Focus on the feeling and the words will follow. Make them quick and punchy, rather than rambling and drawn out. There is no morality here. In verbal therapy, anything goes. Just make sure you’re speaking with bodily charge, rather than being heady and flat.

    If you’re having trouble, try priming yourself with some of the catharsis work above. It’s super effective for plumbing the clog and stoking a more intense state to speak from.
  • Embody your sexual savage. Pretend you’re talking to someone you’re about to fuck. Give yourself permission to say the wildest, most intense shit you can think of. Tell them what you want to do to them and how you’re going to fuck them. 
  • “I want to choke you to within an inch of your life. I want to fuck your face until mascara tears run down to your collar bone. I want to put all of my weight on you and break your little ribs while I fuck you.”

    Even though you wouldn’t necessarily do any/many of the things you come up with, say them out loud to yourself anyways. This is simply about loosening up the flow of your sexual intensity. If you freeze up at first, that’s okay. Most guys tend to because they’ve been so heavily programmed to hide their aggressive side. Keep trying and it will get easier in time.

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2. Work Out & Lift Heavy Shit

Exercise boosts dark sexual energy in two ways. The first is hormonal, and the second is general strength.

Testosterone levels are tied to aggression, intensity and risk-taking in males. Though women have some in their systems, it’s exponentially more present in men. This hormone is a key part of the body’s muscle repair process, which means heavy exercise is a key trigger for testosterone release. To trigger the most, hit the squat rack and rock leg days 1-2 times per week.

Your attitudes and mindset are also further raised by the release of other mood-boosting and pain-killing hormones, such as dopamine and endorphins.

Feeling strong in your body is also a big influence on your sense of confidence. Lifting weights is a simple way to get measurable feedback on your improvements from week to week, while engaging “beast mode” to push yourself farther than you thought you could possibly go.

When you feel taught and physically powerful in the outer world, your inner world follows. In time, you’ll find you’re naturally more comfortable saying and doing things that used to feel too daring or edgy for you.

If you’re a total newb when it comes to weight training, hire a personal trainer and do 3-5 sessions with them. You’ll learn a lot up front, and you’ll be able to carry yourself forwards with the new information you have.

3. Eat Right

To get hormones like testosterone flowing, your body has to be able to make them first. The standard modern diet doesn’t give your system what it needs. This is why changing what and how you eat is crucial.

Sugary, processed foods are nothing but a tax on your system, and interrupt many important physiological processes, such as sleep and digestion. Swapping them out for whole and natural stuff, whenever possible, is already a massive step towards better health and more robust sexuality. 

Good cholesterol is the vital building block of hormones like testosterone. So getting enough of it is key. You’ll get good doses of cholesterol from healthy fatty foods, like eggs, meat, avocado, nuts, cheeses and butter. When you buy animal products, choose quality, organic, grass-fed, hormone-free options as often as you can afford them. 

Focus on cruciferous veggies (cauliflower, broccoli, kale, cabbage, brussels sprouts, etc) as they lower estrogen and also promote higher testosterone. 

Choosing the right supplement can also really help raise testosterone levels, amplify your sexual edge and bring out more intensity. There are a few that people have been using reliably for centuries.

For libido, and especially energy, pine pollen and maca root powder are killer natural choices. Ashwagandha is also known to strengthen erections and boost libido, while having some great de-stressing benefits as well.

4. Get Better Sleep 

Good sleep is a core pillar of the robust vitality needed to bring out your dark sexual energy on demand. When you’re sluggish and stressed out, you’re usually not feeling your sexiest and strongest self.

The majority of testosterone synthesis happens while you’re sleeping. So if you’re not getting proper rest, your body isn’t able to make much of it. 

Deep sleep cycles are also crucial for stress reduction. Cortisol, the primary stress hormone, inhibits testosterone production. This is also why it’s important to find regular habits to manage your general stress levels throughout the week.

Plus, all the emotional catharsis work you’re going to be doing makes sleep that much more important. Those deep sleep cycles are the rare times when your brain gets to reset, iron out wrinkles and integrate new experiences. This restorative time is vital to achieving the energetic changes we’re after here.

Also, pay close attention to any unusual dreams you have during this time. It’s common to have intense visions when moving around anger and becoming more internally powerful. You might find a particular dream experience to be profoundly symbolic, further catalyzing this process and cementing your progress.

To get better sleep, focus on:

  • Waking up at the same time every day
  • Keeping your room at a cool temperature
  • Avoiding screens before bed
  • Creating a dark, silent sleeping environment
  • Investing in an awesome pillow
  • Drinking plenty of water throughout the day

5. Increase Polarity

The force of attraction between magnets is generated by their opposite charges. This is polarity. In the same way, the contrast between masculine and feminine energy in two people also creates a strong force of attraction.

Increasing polarity between you and your partner means sliding further into the masculine/feminine roles, or simply increasing the intensity of your masculine energy. 

Masculine energy is direct, assertive, firm, and dominating, whereas feminine energy is yielding, passive and receptive. When you’re having sex with your partner, find ways to bring these masculine traits out as often as possible.

Take more control over the flow and be more decisive. Explicitly tell her what you want, with confidence, instead of quietly hoping she guesses it right. Try pinning down her wrists, or tying them together with a necktie. Overall, focus on being a more dominant and direct force.

As you get the hang of it, you’ll start to surprise yourself in the moment with just how bold and dominant you can be, which feeds further into your confidence and comfort with expressing your dark sexual energy.

How Long Will Cultivating Dark Sexual Energy Take?

There’s no specific timeline you can put on sexual empowerment. But if you hold the intention firmly in your mind, and stay committed to the process, dark sexual energy will become a natural part of you, like a superpower you can deploy on command.

Your current and/or future lovers will be forever grateful for you taking these courageous steps toward sexual empowerment. Take pride in knowing the best sex of your life is still to come.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan Gray

Ps. If you enjoyed this article, you will also love checking out:

Supercharge Your Sex Life (video series for men)

How To Cultivate Light And Dark Sexual Energy

3 Insanely Powerful Sex Exercises For Men

How To Last Longer In Bed (9 Simple Exercises) 



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