Let’s get something straight…
If you can read these words, then it’s a fact that you are a member of one of the most abundantly sexual species on the planet.
Human beings have sex for a whole host of reasons… for love, for lust, for validation, for excitement… because they’re bored, because their Netflix subscription ran up, because they were up earlier in the morning than they expected to be.
And isn’t it a liiiiittle bit nutty that we have such a poor and widely varying sexual education system in place for our kids?
Well, don’t worry too much about how badly our schools are messing up sex ed… because I still think that it’s our parents responsibilities to teach their kids about sex (I know, call me old fashioned).
I had truly fortunate role models when it came to my early, at-home sex ed. My parents have been married for over 35 years, they were frequently physically affectionate with each other in front of my siblings and I, and they put out a bowl of condoms in plain sight when I was 12 and said “Don’t worry. We won’t be counting these. We just know that you’ll probably start having sex soon and we want you to be safe.” Mind you, this wasn’t the entirety of the sex talk that they gave me… this was one isolated incident in a series of excellent parental modelling moments.
Because my parents kicked so much ass at making sex feel like a safe thing to discuss with them at any age, I wanted to condense some of the most important lessons that I received from them about sexuality that you can pass on to your kids, friends, family members… and that I’ll undoubtedly use as a cheat sheet one day if or when I ever have my own off spring (maybe in five years, maybe never).
Here are the seven best things that you can teach your kids about sex.
Note: This article isn’t meant to be read directly to them (there’s some potentially NSFW language), nor should you just send them the link to this article without having any verbal discussion. The point of this piece is for you to let these ideas wash over you, and then pass those ideas on to your kids in your own words.
1. The things you like are going to be unique. There’s no one else like you.
One of the biggest, and I believe most important, lessons that I learned was that what I liked or disliked was entirely up to me and that I was a unique snowflake when it came to my sexual turn-ons.
If I liked being touched here and not there, that was fine.
If I liked men or women or both, that was fine.
If I wanted to have sex five times one day and zero times for a week another time, that was fine too.
Your sexual likes and dislikes are unique to you… and they will shift with time. They might shift temporarily (like if you give birth, or start a new relationship), or they might change forever.
The things that arouse you are unique to you. You can’t expect others to be able to read your mind, and there will be many opportunities throughout your life in which you’re allowed to speak up and educate your sexual partners on what you find pleasurable or not pleasurable.
But remember (key point), whatever you enjoy sexually is unique to you. And as long as you are doing those things with another consenting person (more on this soon) then you are fully within your right to explore those turn-ons.
And guess what?
2. Everyone else you meet? They will like things that are unique to them too.
If the rule applies to you, then it applies to people at large.
People will like things that baffle you. Or that make your skin crawl. Or that you could never imagine enjoying. But other people are still allowed to like them.
There are people that enjoy being married to one person for 50+ years. There are other people who enjoy never getting married and instead dating people for months at a time. And there are others who enjoy dating multiple people simultaneously for years on end.
Some people like gentle sex. Others like rough sex. Some people like sex toys. Some people enjoy having sex with their partner while wearing a fuzzy animal costume, or diaper, or a pig mask.
Some people like calling their lovers “daddy”, or “baby”, or “slut” during their sexual play. And some people could get triggered or turned off by any of those same words.
While there are trends of things that people can like, no two people are the same. Ever.
3. Your body is beautiful and deserving of pleasure.
Contrary to what the majority of women’s magazines and many major religions tell you, your body is beautiful and deserving of pleasure.
In a world that is constantly trying to shame, limit, and change your perception of your physical body and your sexuality, this message is a much-needed one.
You are beautiful. Your body is unique. The people that are meant to be attracted to you will be attracted to you. Your only job is to know, and to deeply accept, that your body is uniquely beautiful. That’s right, every last part of it.
And you know what that unique, beautiful body of yours deserves? Pleasure. You deserve pleasure in the way that you define pleasure for yourself.
And if you ever end up with a sexual or romantic partner who thinks that your body needs to change or that your sexual preferences need to change, then you probably need to change partners.
While no two people are ever 100% sexually compatible in terms of every single one of their sexual likes and dislikes, you don’t need to be with a partner who tells you that your way of being in the world is wrong. You deserve a partner who accepts you as you are.
4. Consent is necessary.
One of the most important rules of human sexuality is this…
The person you’re doing sexual things with should be just as excited as you are to do them with you. And if you’re unsure as to whether or not they’re excited about doing that thing with you, you can ask them directly while letting them know that their answer is 100% fine either way.
It’s as simple as that. You’re a clear yes, and they’re a clear yes. Then the fun begins.
5. It’s generally more fun if you feel emotionally connected to the person you’re doing sexual things with.
It isn’t by any means necessary, but if you feel emotionally connected to the person you’re having sex/doing sexual things with, you’ll tend to enjoy it more fully.
6. There’s no rush. You’re allowed to explore and be curious about your sexual partner’s body and specific turn ons.
When you’re sexually engaging with someone, it’s usually more fun if you take the time to enjoy yourselves and explore each other. There’s definitely a place for quickies too, but 100% slow tends to be more fun than 100% fast.
Being the sexual beings that we are, it’s completely natural that we’re fascinated by each other’s bodies. So why not allow ourselves to take the time to explore our partners. Besides, the slow build is almost always more fun than racing towards the climax.
7. Sex is about feeling and loving.
Ultimately, sex is about feeling. Feeling pleasure… feeling emotionally connected to someone… feeling the ecstasy of orgasmic bliss. And all of these feelings ultimately come back to love… the love of our bodies… the love of our partners… and the love of swimming in erotic pleasure.
Clearly I’m biased, but I believe that if we all had a bit more love, acceptance, and compassion for our own bodies and erotic turn-ons, and other people’s bodies and erotic turn ons, a lot of the world’s problems would cease to exist overnight.
I will put it in my meditative prayers that you have the best, most deeply fulfilling sex life that you could ever hope for. And I hope that you took something from this article that helped you accept and love yourself or others just 1% more. And if you found it helpful, feel free to pass it on to a friend that you think could benefit from it.
Dedicated to your success,