Aug 28, 2019

The Single Most Important Factor In Giving A World Class Blowjob

Really? Advice on giving a world class blowjob from a straight guy? That’s weird.

Or… is it?

I mean, I’m the one who has the penis, right? So, really, I would know best when it comes to what feels good and what doesn’t, especially after decades of experience actually getting blowjobs and talking honestly with thousands of other men. 

It’s no different than a woman knowing her own body best, and what creates an amazing sexual experience for her. Sure, it changes a bit from person to person, and session to session, but I would generally trust an experienced woman’s opinion on the female sexual circuitry over the average man’s thoughts on the matter.

I promise you – after reading this article, your blowjob abilities will skyrocket. Don’t be surprised if your man doesn’t stop paying you flabbergasted, breathless, semi-coherent compliments.

When it comes to male sexuality, we usually grossly oversimplify it. Yes, female anatomy is a little more complicated, and, in general, so are the depth and breadth of her orgasms. But that doesn’t mean that a man’s pleasure is an ON/OFF light switch, or that ANY stimulation is great stimulation. There is still plenty of nuance and there are easy ways to make-or-break the heights of his pleasure.

I’ve slept with over 300 women in my life time, and I can tell you, without a shadow of a doubt, that maybe TEN of them gave a truly world class blowjob. Most women think they’re amazing, but they’re actually really not, which is why it feels so important to write about this.

Most women think that a world class blowjob is about techniques, grip, the setting, or mood. Of course, these things all play a role in the overall experience. But the #1 factor in a world class blowjob, by far, is your…

Mindset

To a hetero guy, the hottest thing about a blowjob is the energy the woman brings to it. It’s not some two-handed corkscrew, a tongue piercing, or pumping with the speed and intensity of a jackhammer. It’s how she energetically shows up to the task – it’s about her relationship to what she is doing.

You have to love your partner’s cock. You have to love it for what it is. Fall in love with how it feels in your mouth, and with the act of pleasuring him.

If you don’t, and you’re just doing it because you think you should, no technique will save you.

Just imagine the difference (for you, in how you experience it) between him going down on you passively, or begrudgingly, or with hesitance, disgust, or a frown on his face (womp womp…), versus clearly loving it, being super into it, panting, and gripping your body like you’re the most heart-stoppingly delicious and beautiful person he’s seen in his entire life. 

Both men and women can get lost in fixating on the physical how-to’s and the lists of tips and tricks on what secret “moves” are the best ones. When it comes down to it, using your lips, tongue, hands, cock, pussy, etc, are all pretty straight-forward devices of giving pleasure. The passion you bring and headspace you’re in when you’re in the moment is EVERYTHING in sex. 

I can’t tell you the amount of times – mid-blowjob – I’ve been thinking “alright, well… I mean, this is nice… but I’d kind of rather just get to fucking right now,” and trying to get into it. 

But when a woman MEANS it, I’m strapped in with complete awe and thinking “good fucking GOD woman you are a queen! This is the greatest day of my life.” I actually want to get down on my knees and worship her.

So, trust me when I say:

If you want him to experience a world class blowjob, YOU have to love it first. 

If you don’t currently love it, and you care about your partner’s pleasure, then you have to learn how to love it. That is, if a good sex life is important to you, and if oral sex is important to him. Though, I have to say, even if he says he doesn’t care that much about blowjobs (which is not uncommon), it could simply be the case that he has yet to receive oral sex from someone who was excited to be going down on him. Women aren’t the only ones who have had negative experiences receiving oral sex. People (male or female) phoning it in in bed and having sex from a place of boredom or obligation is an unfortunately common occurrence, the world over. 

Okay, Jordan, so how do I “love” giving a blowjob?

Well, consider there are many different approaches.

For example, I once heard a woman say that she fell in love with sucking cock when she started to see that her man’s penis was (in her words) actually his most “feminine” aspect. When he was experiencing pleasure, he was the MOST in his heart and connected to his feelings. She saw his penis as a gateway to being radically emotionally connected to him. From her devotion and excitement to pleasure him in such a way, she found this connection extended outside of their sexual intimacy into the rest of their relationship. 

Not exactly what you’d expect, right?

Through exploration, you’ll find your own groove. But here are some general tips for ways to fall in love with giving your partner great oral sex.

1. Make sure he’s well groomed

I’m surprised to hear how many women don’t care at all about the state of their man’s pubic hair. But having a well man-scaped situation certainly doesn’t hurt your experience. It’s hard to argue that it wouldn’t make oral even more appetizing and easier to work with.

Whether or not it’s important to you, I recommend you request he trims up and washes, if he doesn’t regularly do so already. You have every right to ask him to groom his package – so long as you do it with love and respect. Some women enjoy doing this for him, but the majority of guys prefer to do the work themselves.

If your skin is sensitive to stubble, ask him to trim at a longer length.

People often feel like asking for their partner to groom pubic hair is an insult, or a rejection of some kind. Really, it’s just a common courtesy. You can ask in a sexy way too, rather than making it seem like a turn-off, or a chore. 

“Baby, I want to devour your cock tonight. Will you shave up/trim so I can taste every inch of you?” 

We all want to feel sexy with our partners, and we’ll pretty much do anything for it. If you come to him sensually with any request that suggests you’ll be ridiculously turned on and want to fuck him, he would find a way to revive the dinosaurs or fight a tiger bare handed to make it happen. 

2. Enjoy yourself

Think of his enjoyment as a byproduct of your enjoyment. Arousal is contagious. It spills over from the giver to the receiver, and creates a feedback loop. The more you show that you enjoy it, the more he will show he enjoys it, which makes you enjoy it more, and then him, etc.

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When it comes to male arousal, guys are extremely auditory. We’re so addicted and attached to a woman’s moan, breath, and anything that signals that she’s bursting with pleasure. This energy is what turns him on the most, not the techniques of stimulation (though they certainly have an intense compounding effect.)

Even if you’re not overflowing with orgasmic energy, work some moans, heavy breathing, and “mmmm”s into your blowjobs as bonus fire starters. Soon after, the energy will be so delicious that you’ll be lit up and able to produce these sounds with genuine pleasure.

3. Explore

Rather than locking your mind into a boring routine by thinking “put cock in mouth, move up and down, pump with hand, touch the balls”, you need to be more free and exploratory.

Don’t operate from a place of trying to find patterns or waiting for him to signal what’s pleasurable, or what “the spot” is. You’ll be in your head and thinking too much. As I said, he will respond to you.

I once had a lover (who was one of those top ten most passionate and amazing blowjob providers) who, when I asked her why she was so good at it, simply said, “I just do what feels good for my mouth.” In other words, she was reclaiming her own joy and pleasure, which in turn, translated into more pleasure in my experience of it. So allow yourself to be selfish, and he will feel it.

Let yourself flow and act from pure arousal. Be in the moment. Passionately make out with his cock in the same way you would with his lips. Explore how the head of his cock feels in every corner of your mouth. Let your hands caress and explore his thighs and stomach.

Open yourself up and become a fountain of sexual energy. 

Constantly try new things from session to session and break patterns. If you can freely touch, lick, kiss, and suck from a place of lust, rather than technique and process, you’ve got it made. 

Generally, like penetrative sex, you can start light and slow, and build intensity along the way, or build tension by oscillating between gentle and intense. But sometimes it’s also nice to jump right in full steam if you’re worked up and in the mood.

4. Elicit encouragement

If your man is the sexually stoic type, and doesn’t often give commentary or direction, ask him questions to get him more engaged, and give yourself fuel and approval to keep going. 

“Mmm, do you like that?”

“Do you like seeing your cock in my mouth?

“How does my mouth feel baby?”

You can also show your arousal by telling him you can’t wait to have him inside you, asking for what you want, etc. 

5. Set the scene

Do what you need to do in order to feel turned on by the environment.

For some women, this means candles, no lights, and slow, sensual music. For others, it could be totally different. It could be done while in a tent while camping… at the dinner table… or in somewhere semi-public (but still legal).

Take a moment to imagine what situations and settings would feel exciting and super hot to go down on him. You can either set them up with him, or keep them secret and surprise him as you like.

6. See of giving a world class blowjob as a sexy project

Nobody teaches us how to be proficient at sex. It’s something we just stumble upon along the way, and make adjustments from partner to partner. It’s rare that people feel open to ask questions and share wisdom, because we come from such a sexually repressed culture.

We all pick up hobbies in our lifetime. Why not make ‘getting really good at giving a blowjob’ one of yours? 

Getting good and comfortable with sex takes practice. It’s a much more complicated process of exploration, growth and self-expression, not just memorizing techniques and how-to’s. A blowjob is just a single avenue through which we channel and express our sexual energy. And that’s something you have to walk your own path to reclaim and unlock.

7. Think of oral sex as you sending love into your partner’s body

When you know that his pleasure is love, and your intention is love, his body will feel it.

Each woman will express this perspective differently. Some will actually imagine filling his body with energy and pouring their hearts into him. Others are turned on by thoughts like, “I am serving my man like a King,” or “I am making out with his heart while I make out with his cock.”

You might not be able to sense it, but leading with this feeling creates a palpable difference on his end. It’s the exact same dynamic when someone talks in a droning monotone, versus when they’re alight with passion. They’re still just talking to you, but you can FEEL the difference in your body.

Feel love, give love, watch how well he responds, and you’ll be falling in love with the process in no time.

I can’t tell you enough how awesome of a human being you are for being open to reading this and caring about your man’s pleasure. Know that you are an absolute catch, and he’s lucky to have you.

Just remember the basics and you’ll be the best blowjob he’s ever had:

  • Love the process
  • Create/choose environments that turn you on
  • Your arousal sparks his, so lead with your sexual energy
  • Explore with passion and don’t get too fixated on technique
  • Bring in some dirty talk and ask sexy questions
  • Remember you’ll get better in time with practice
  • Request grooming if you prefer
  • Send love into his cock with your heart’s intention
  • Have fun!

I’m so excited for you to see for yourself what a world of difference these simple mindset changes will make.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Ps. If you enjoyed this article on giving a world class blowjob, you’ll also love checking out:

Inside The Male Mind (video series for women)

The 8 Sexiest Positions For Blowjobs

The 3 Biggest Reasons Men Love Blowjobs

The Ultimate Guide To Giving Him The Best Blowjob Of His Entire Life

5 Questions To Ask Your Partner For Better Sex

5 Sex Toys That Every Couple Should Own (Seriously)

How To Thoroughly Groom And Clean Your Genitals (And Be Really Extra About It)

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