Mar 9, 2024

Why I Will Never Be A Matchmaker

On a weekly basis, for the last 15 or so years, I have had someone ask me some version of:

“Can you just introduce me to a healthy partner / Can you start a matchmaking service so that I can meet the people that follow your work?”

Literally, every week.

Here’s the thing…

We’ve all heard the concept of ‘Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day… teach a man to fish and he’ll eat for a lifetime.’

If I were to hand a perfect partner on a silver platter to someone who had yet to be able to attract such a partner from their own efforts, one of two things would most likely happen.

1. They wouldn’t actually be able to hold/receive the partner and it would be a non-starter, or…

2. They would sabotage it and/or they would repel the partner because whatever the thing was in them that had kept them from attracting it is still in the mix.

This is the exact same thing as someone who has yet to achieve financial abundance in their life (from their own efforts) being handed 10 million dollars.

In the vast majority of cases, it would make your life worse for you to be handed such a windfall than if you had learned to truly be with and hold the thing that you tell yourself you want.

The sheer volume of people doing their work across the world (in men’s groups, women’s groups, masterminds, therapy chairs, weekend retreats, the self-help section of your local bookstore, etc.) has never been larger.

Right now is the absolute mecca/pinnacle/peak for self-aware, intentionally loving people.

So if you’re still struggling to meet and attract a partner, then there’s something deeper going on there.

More likely than not, there’s either a mindset block to your believing that such partners exist… or, you simply aren’t getting out there and being truly open enough in real life.

If you have total faith that there are hundreds of wildly suitable partners out there for you (in your age group, in your city, etc.)… and you’re physically getting out there, making your intentions known, and every person close to you knows that you’re looking for a highly aligned significant other, then you really shouldn’t remain single for more than a few months. A year at most.

It really is that simple.

Belief. Openness. Reception. Exposure. Repeat.

Trust me… you don’t need me to play matchmaker for you.

Even if I could hop on a Zoom call with you plus 100 other ridiculously well matched suitors of the gender of your choosing who have all been doing their work for decades… that isn’t the way.

The way is to make your life so viscerally beautiful and so aligned to the essence of your soul that the right person can’t help but be called in, in short order.

And if your mind is still clinging to thoughts of… ‘Right, but where are these people? How do I go about meeting them?’ then you’re still giving your mind too much power.

Where do you find a tree? Where do you find flowers? Where do you find air? ALL AROUND.

Quality men/women are spending time where your best self spends their time.

I could rattle off a handful of types of venues but they would be next to meaningless. What matters is where you spend your time when you’re the happiest. That could be at a yoga studio or it could be at a gun range. It depends completely on you and your personal values.

Where are you the happiest, and which of those venues have the potential to have you cross paths with other people where you could potentially strike up a conversation? Go there. Spend time there. Make eye contact. Strike up a conversation. Make your intentions known. Be open.

You don’t need a handout. You don’t need a short cut. You need to find the thing in you (usually a belief) that is blocking you from meeting them, and work through it all the way.

Make your life a masterpiece.

Love yourself so well that when potential partners see you beaming your essence out of your eyeballs they know exactly how to love you because your aligned energy blares out of you like a radio signal of rainbows.

‘BuT jOrDaN, tHe PeOpLe In mY CiTy SuUuUuCk…’

No excuses. Don’t blame your age range. Don’t blame your city.

If you live in a city that only has 20 people in it, fine… then move somewhere else if you really want to get this handled.

If you blame your age group (they all have Peter Pan syndrome… they’re all narcissists… they’re all divorced and bitter… blah blah blah), then you will get the results you deserve. Worse still, you may remain stuck in a relationship that has no potential because you’ll have convinced yourself that this is all you can ever get (aka settling).

I have supported so many men and women (from people in their 20’s to people in their 80’s) in finding their partners. Keyword: I supported them in finding their partners. Anything else would be an enabling, short-sighted fool’s errand.

No part of me wants anything but you in your most powerful, fully expressed, fully loved self.

And just like I will not be buying my children BMW’s for their 16th birthdays… or leaving them millions of dollars to be collected at the age of 20…

I am not going to hand people partners on a platter. Because it wouldn’t work.

Just like everything in life… it has to have roots, or it has no real chance of sticking.

Dedicated to your fully fledged, self-responsible adult,


Ps. If you enjoyed this article, you will also love checking out:

8 Reasons You Won’t Attract A Conscious Man (As You Currently Are)

‘Why Am I Still Single?’ – 5 Reasons + What To Do About It

Everyone Asks The Wrong Questions When It Comes To Finding The Right Partner

How To Optimize Your Dating Profile If You’re A Catch

6 Ways To Meet Someone Without Online Dating

Hope Is A Terrible Plan



See All
Event vs. Process: The 1 Way To Success In Any Area Of Life
Mar 6, 2016
Jordan Gray
Event vs. Process: The 1 Way To Success In Any Area Of Life
Our society is obsessed with quick fixes. Everyone is after the “one thing”… the single solution… the silver bullet that solves all of their problems. And while isolated experiences, conversations, or well-timed thoughts can absolutely have the power to massively shift the direction of our lives, successful...
Continue Reading
You Can Not Heal On Your Own
Jan 23, 2017
Jordan Gray
You Can Not Heal On Your Own
Western society lives by the culturally imposed rules of ‘The Cult Of One’. We are constantly bombarded with messages of “Go it alone”… “Be all that YOU can be”… “Never let ‘em see you sweat”… “When you laugh the world laughs with you, when you cry, you cry alone.” The underlying message being that...
Continue Reading
The Importance Of Honouring Your Standards
Apr 14, 2016
Jordan Gray
The Importance Of Honouring Your Standards
This question came in from a reader yesterday… - “I’ve been sleeping with a guy for the past ten months, I communicated to him early on that I was looking for something more serious and he seemed open to it. But every time I brought up the conversation of taking our relationship to the next level...
Continue Reading
The One Thing A Man Needs In Order To Commit To A Relationship
Feb 22, 2020
Jordan Gray
The One Thing A Man Needs In Order To Commit To A Relationship
How do you get a strong, high quality man to want to commit to you? Not many guys are able to put this into words themselves. But they intuitively know there’s one thing they need, above all else, in order to feel deeply, fully committed to a relationship. It goes far beyond anything...
Continue Reading
11 Easy Ways To Actually Love Yourself More
Jan 24, 2016
Jordan Gray
11 Easy Ways To Actually Love Yourself More
You hear the advice of "love yourself first" from so many sources throughout your life. But what does that actually mean? While I think that it's wrong/damaging/ridiculous to tell people that they can't be loved by others until they love themselves (*ahem*... of course you can... you not loving...
Continue Reading
How To Date Someone Even If You Are Married
Jan 15, 2014
Jordan Gray
How To Date Someone Even If You Are Married
The courting phase of your relationship shouldn't end just because you tied the knot. If you actively date your partner (the one that you are already with, of course), you will appreciate them that much more and your relationship will thrive. You know that investing in your relationship is important,...
Continue Reading