Congratulations on being a catch! Now, let’s make sure your online dating profile is as awesome as you are.
In this guide, we’ll dive into the art of crafting a profile that screams ‘I’m the one you’ve been swiping for!’ Get ready for practical tips, counter-cultural tweaks, and an appropriately finessed humble brag or two.
First, Let’s Define A Catch
It’s important that we’re on the same page about what kind of a catch we’re talking about.
I’m not talking about the egocentric, superficial bullshit that society loves to fawn over on social media.
In other words, for the purposes of this article, being a catch is not about:
– You being a billionaire
– You having sub-10% body fat and a super defined six-pack
– You having fake boobs, injected lips, a Botoxed forehead, and calf implants
And is much more about:
– You having a big heart
– You being emotionally available and desiring a long-term, committed relationship
– You being the kind of person that your closest friends are truly baffled (and/or frustrated) that you aren’t already linked up with someone who equally blows them away
In other words, you being a catch is much more about your availability and depth… then it is about your material world status markers.
Got it? Great.
Where Most People Go Wrong With Their Online Dating Profiles
Listen, when you’re in the 1% of maturity and emotional availability, you need to play an entirely different game than most people play when it comes to online dating.
And what is the game that most people are playing?
The game that most people are playing is simply this: Appeal to the broadest number of people possible.
In marketing terms, this would be called a ‘top of funnel’ approach.
In fisherman terms, this would be fishing by casting a wide net.
This is the mindset of, ‘How do I get as many people as possible to realize that I am awesome and worthy of dating?’
But for catches like you? There couldn’t be a worse possible strategy.
Why? Because you are not for everyone.
In fact, there’s a good chance that you aren’t for most people.
Thus, the strategy that catches need to deploy is quite the opposite.
From here on out, you need to deploy the strategy of:
‘How do I alienate and polarize most people away, by being extremely myself and asking for exactly what I want, so that I can appeal to the 0.1% of people who are very for me… while having the 99.9% swipe left on me?’
That is the name of the game.
Remember, playing the paint by numbers, mass-appeal approach makes no sense for you.
Ultimately, you’re only looking to be in a relationship with one person. And that person needs to have the same values and general outlook as you, so that you can have an aligned and fruitful future together.
So pretending that you’re like most people when you aren’t does you no good.
I will keep hammering this point home through the rest of this article, but it is a core, central, writer-down-er of a theme. So I hope that you are letting it in.
You aren’t trying to appeal to everyone because you aren’t for everyone.
You’re looking for one, highly aligned relationship… and thus need to be deploying a strategy that has your profile leap off the page to the right person and to the right person only.
What Are Some Examples Of Things A Catch Should Say On Their Online Dating Profiles That Most People Wouldn’t?
Now we’re getting into the good stuff.
Overall, the most significant things that you can say about yourself are:
1) The truth
2) The counter-cultural beliefs that you hold that most don’t
3) The core values and non-negotiable desires of yours that are the most uniquely important to you
Why are these things so significant? Because they are the exact thing that the 99% hide in their profiles.
Again, they are playing the appeal-to-everyone game (which is the opposite of the game that you’re playing) and so of course they’re going to cloak all of the real things they think and feel.
But you, the catch that you are, value your time and energy. So of course you’re not looking to appeal to everyone.
You’re looking to find your forever person and start off with the most aligned and honest foundation.
So, for example, if you don’t drink, name it.
If you don’t watch or own a TV and instead have a big library of books that you love getting lost in (and you want a partner who also loves reading), name that too.
If personal development matters to you, name the last three books you’ve been reading.
If there are significant aspects of the dominant culture you’re in that you disagree with, name them directly.
If your intended goal is to find a partner to marry and to do so without a prenup, name that.
If you value people who have the capacity for intellectual discussions… or artistic collaboration… or tantric sex practices… name those things too.
Whatever niche, rare, obscure things you are, value, and are searching for, name it all.
And if there’s a scarce part of you that is now bubbling up and thinking, ‘But if I name ALL of the things that I am and that I want… won’t I be narrowing down my dating options too much and I’ll just be aLoNe FoReVeR??!??!!’
Two things I want to say to this fear/belief…
First, this is just the old, mass-market dating strategy dying off and kicking and screaming on the way out the door. It is understandable, and you can hold it with love and compassion. The notion that you could never find your highly aligned fit is a scary one, and you can hold this part of yourself with love.
Second, just because you’re naming all of who you are and the kind of person you’re looking for, it doesn’t mean that only people who are an aligned fit on every single thing are going to opt-in to getting to know you more.
The main point of being HIGHLY yourself in your online dating profile is to polarize away the people who would never be a good match for you to begin with… and to have the people that have 80-90+% alignment perk up and think, ‘Wow! This person is a breath of fresh air!’
So if they haven’t read the same recent books as you… or flawlessly align with every single thing that you say, that won’t be enough to have those people remove themselves from your life as potential options.
If you’ve ever had raw milk before, you would know that the cream literally does rise to the top. And that’s what you’re doing with this online dating approach. You’re not pasteurizing yourself. You’re just letting yourself be as nature intended so that the ‘cream’ of your potential matches rises to the top and opts into your life. I know I’m stretching this analogy a little but you get what I’m saying.
Notice What I’m Not Saying
When it comes to having an honest, authentic online dating profile… I am not saying to lead with prickly, combative, sneaky, guarded, proactively-defensive, sideways anger.
Don’t include aspects of yourself from a place of tantrum’ing, adolescent, ‘You better love this about me or else go fuck yourself!’
(Related: if you have the Marilyn Monroe quote, “If you can’t handle me at my worst you don’t deserve me at my best” in your profile… please remove it immediately. You are not a child.)
There’s a big difference between saying you value being makeup free and relaxing versus having your primary picture be you sprawled on the couch with oily hair, Cool Ranch Doritos crumbs on your vintage (aka torn) tee, and your pant leg strategically lifted to show your unshaven legs.
There’s a big difference between naming that you have a tender, loving heart versus having one of your three main profile photos be a picture of you sobbing while clutching a framed photo of your deceased childhood dog.
And there’s a big difference between saying that sexual compatibility is important to you in a relationship and having all of your photos be you nearly nude and then being surprised why everyone only tries to date you for your body.
There’s still going to be a foundational element of composure… social appropriateness… and naming who you are and what you desire from your grounded, centered spine… as opposed to puking out your barely-embodied needs from a younger part of you that desperately craves love.
So… to summarize:
– When in doubt, leave it in
– Better to be too honest and (appropriately) revealing than to pretend you’re someone that you’re not
– Whenever you feel like you’re asking for too much from the people you’re looking to match with, that’s generally a good sign that you’re on the right track
Remember, you’re only looking to match with one, highly aligned romantic partner. And you honestly aren’t for everyone. So it’s better to be too yourself and too honest about who you’re looking to match with, then to pretend that you’re just like everyone else and play the mass-market game that everyone else is playing.
This principle, more than anything else you could do when crafting your online dating profile, will help you to attract the right person into your life.
And if you want me to personally go over your online dating profile and help you optimize it, I love doing that too. You can apply to do this privately, 1-on-1, with me by clicking here, or you can join my online community, The Circle, by clicking here.
I wish you all the best in your future dating endeavours.
Dedicated to your success,
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