May 19, 2014

How Slut-Shaming Hurts Men

Have you heard of slut-shaming? It’s a recent hot-topic, and with good reason.

Through media, upbringing and societal pressure, women have been forced to suppress their sexual urges. This has been happening for ages and has become a widely accepted double standard. Men are allowed to have as much sex as they want while receiving social validation for their actions, but if women do the same… they are seen as unacceptable or even as “damaged goods.”

Women are made to feel inferior for having sexual thoughts, let alone acting on them.

I’m sure we’ve all been guilty of slut-shaming in one way or another. It’s an unfortunate side effect of the world we live in. But what kind of damage is it doing to your relationship?

How Slut-Shaming Hurts Your Sex Life

Unless your girlfriend was brought up in a completely open-minded, hippy colony that celebrated female sexuality as a integral part of human relations; she’s probably going to come to you with some sort of sexual blockages. These can range from minor to major, but if they go unchecked and are given the opportunity to manifest into something larger, it can take a drastic toll on your relationship.

Whenever we are forced to repress natural urges, they start to develop into obsessions in our mind and can come out, unexpectedly, in unhealthy ways. This is what can lead women to cheat or start to look for ways out of the relationship. If you won’t let her be every part of herself, there’s someone out there that will.

The biggest, most obvious, problem (and the one that you should take note of), is that if your woman feels unsafe to be her full sexual self around you… she won’t open up to you.

Even something as seemingly insignificant as a comment you make about another woman’s clothing being too revealing could make your girlfriend hide a certain percentage of her wardrobe from you for the foreseeable future. Women notice the details, and if you involuntarily make a disgusted face the next time she does/says/subtly mentions something sexual, it could mean the difference between your sexual schedule going from eight times a week to once per week.

Contrary to popular belief, females have a very powerful sexuality. If you can create a safe space for her to allow that part of her to be explored and accepted, that’s when you will experience the best sex of your life. Seeing a woman completely in her element, letting go of everything and giving in to you fully is the sexiest thing in the world.

So what are some things you can do to undo the societal slut-shaming, and help her become the sexual being she was meant to be?

sex lives of men, slut-shaming

1. Tell Her How Sexy She Is

This is so important. Just like everything in life, we are only given what we have consistently shown that we can handle. So the more you praise and embrace her sexuality, the more you’ll see of it.

If you love her ass in those jeans, make it known. If you like that little noise she made while you were kissing her, tell her about it. Praise is one of the most effective ways to recreate a desired response. And, trust me, she won’t mind the extra compliments.

2. Encourage Her To Explore Her Fantasies

Talk about sex

. Ask her what she likes. Ask her what she wants. And ask her what you can do to help her get there.

Sex simply can not be an untouched topic. Create a safe space for her to open up to you about her needs. She may have never given herself the opportunity to explore her own fantasies because she never felt like she was allowed to have them.

The more comfortable you make her, the more you’ll see her open up and start showing you a side of her that’s been dormant up until now.

3. Let Go Of Your Ownership Tendencies

Women have been treated like property for generations, and only stopped being literal property very recently. Part of slut-shaming comes from the belief that if women act a certain way, they are asking for negative attention. That idea stems from men not wanting their partner to be desirable, because on a primal level they fear that she may unintentionally entice another male to try to impregnate her.

Trust your partner not to cheat on you if she leaves the house in a particularly revealing outfit. Know that if there are other men flirting with her, it just means that you have found a prized woman. Understand that none of these things reflect on her behaviour or on who she is as a person. Cleavage is cleavage, but at the end of the day, she’s still leaving with you, no matter what she’s wearing.

Accept Her Fully

Let her know that you accept every single part of her. That you cherish the cute, shy girl she becomes when she gets nervous, as well as the wild, crazy, untamed animal she can be when she is turned on.

It’s not about encouraging one extreme over the other. While it’s true that society has nurtured the good girl and largely reprimanded the bad girl, there’s no winning side of the coin. In the end, you chose her for everything that she is. Her personality isn’t a buffet where you can selectively pick your favourites.

Slut-shaming isn’t going anywhere for awhile. It’s too engrained into society to disappear over night. But you can do your part by not feeding into it. Women can sense a closed mind from a mile away, and the quality ones won’t waste time on ignorance.

See her and encourage her for who she is… all of her. Commit to loving and accepting her fully.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Ps. Need help opening up your woman sexually? Check out Supercharge Your Sex Life.

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