Newsflash: men are not the simple neanderthals that most mainstream media would try and have you believe they are.
Men are complex. They have unique fears, desires, and cravings.
In this article, I’m going to go into the top seven things that you can do to make him feel deeply satisfied with your love life. You might already do two of these (mayyybe 3), but I guarantee that if you do all seven, he will be so grateful, and feel like the luckiest man in the world.
Without further ado, here are the top seven things you can do to make him blissfully happy in bed.
1. Initiate sex sometimes
The majority of men in straight relationships are used to being the one who initiates sex, the majority if not all of the time. Which sucks, because feeling desired is its own erotic spark that many men can eventually end up missing out on.
Initiating sex brings along a certain degree of anxiety, because it opens you up to feeling rejected. So take some of the burden off of his shoulders by being the one who initiates occasionally. Even if you only end up being the one who initiates 10-20% of the time, he will still massively appreciate it.
2. Touch his whole body
Whether because of what porn has taught a generation of lovers, or as a result of the advice in the majority of women’s magazines, modern sex is far too genital focused.
If you only interact with his penis during sex/oral sex, then you’re both missing out.
Exclusively focusing on his genitals during sex is like an opera singer who can only sing one or two notes. Sure, it’s technically music… but it’s SO LIMITED compared to what it could be.
Whether you’re going down on him or you’re having sex, touch his whole body.
Extend foreplay. Get him really warmed up. Touch his back, shoulders, and chest. Kiss his neck. Grab his butt. Kiss your way up his thighs when you’re going down on him. Engage his other senses by moaning. Make more sounds.
Make your sex a multi-sensory, multi-dimensional experience that elevates the mundane to masterful.
3. Surprise him with sex/blowjobs occasionally
Like fire, male sexual energy is quick to ignite. According to Taoist sexual philosophy, men’s sexual energy starts in the genitals, and then gets spread outwards. So, if the man you’re dealing with is in touch with his body and your relationship is in a good place, it doesn’t usually take very long for him to get an erection.
Take advantage of this fact by occasionally surprising him with your sex.
Go down on him in the kitchen when he’s in the middle of making a meal. Wake him up with a blowjob. Fondle him when you’re in a movie theatre together. When he comes home from work, pull him onto the couch and make love to him.
The sexual energy you throw his way doesn’t always need to lead to an orgasm either (or even an explicit sexual act). Simply keeping the sexual spark alive, day to day, by touching him/kissing him with sexual intent throughout the day is a great way to keep the sexual energy flowing, and reminds him that you see and appreciate him as your lover.
4. Tell him when and where to cum
Most men have a certain degree of anxiety around how quickly they have an orgasm during sex. As a result of this, they can spend a lot of the time that they’re having sex worrying and focusing on controlling their climax. With this chronic sense of holding on, a lot of tension can build up around the act of their own orgasm.
Is it safe to cum yet? Is she really satisfied? Has this been a respectable amount of time that we’ve been having sex?
To counteract this phenomenon, explicitly tell your man when and where to cum.
Telling him when to cum gives him a sense of deep permission (because now he is certain that his orgasm is welcome and wanted) which makes his orgasm that much more powerful. And telling him where to cum can take even more of the guesswork out of the equation. Do you want him to cum inside of you? On your stomach? In your mouth? Decide, then tell him. He’ll be glad you did.
5. Self-pleasure in your own time
One of the greatest things that you can do for your sex life is step up to the plate in your own self-pleasure practice. For two reasons. 1) Because you’ll be diversifying your sexual needs and filling up your own tank, irregardless of your sex life with your partner, and 2) you’ll be in the regular practice of exploring your own body and reminding yourself of what feels the best for you.
The Taoists believed that men tend to thrive more when they limit the frequency with which they ejaculated (but could have as many orgasms as they wanted), whereas women tend to do better when they have more orgasms (truly, no limit – the more the merrier!). So invest in your radiance, your energy levels, and your intimate relationship, by self-pleasuring accordingly.
6. Put effort into your appearance more often
For every time I’ve heard a female client bemoan the fact that their partner hasn’t put effort into taking her out on a date in years, I’ve heard an equal number of men speak of how they wish their partners put more effort into their appearance every now and then.
Now, before your mind attacks men for being superficial, let’s look into the deeper meaning behind these actions.
Men don’t want their partners to put on make up or wear a dress every now and then because they’re superficial… they want their partners to put effort into their appearance because of what it means. And what does it mean? It means that she cares enough about the relationship to be investing in her own radiance. And whether that radiance is cultivated by adoring herself with make up or jewelry… or by meeting up with her closest female friends and having a multi-hour catch up that leaves her feeling deeply nourished and alive (which he would also feel) is irrelevant. What matters is that she is showing up for herself in her own life, and that she cares enough about her man to want to give him the gift of being with a partner who is self-honouring, and who wants to feel beautiful sometimes.
7. Schedule sex and have regular multi-hour sex dates
In a long-term relationship, it’s easy to have sex fall by the wayside. Simply put, life gets in the way, and sex becomes less of a priority.
And so, as unromantic as it might sound on paper, one of the most romantic things that you can do for your relationship is schedule multi-hour sex dates.
Literally, put sex in your shared calendar (probably best to use a private calendar that only the two of you have access to) and honour the commitment every time you schedule it.
You can either have a weekly sex date, so that you both know to always block off Thursday nights just for each other, or you can schedule it a bit more sporadically, on a week to week basis. But generally, if you can both commit to a regular, consistent time slot, then it’ll be easier to schedule your lives around, and it won’t get pushed to the side as often if you have to use your willpower each week to figure out when it’s going to happen. As they say, show me your calendar and I’ll show you your priorities. So if sex is a priority for you, and you want a happy relationship, then why not put it in your calendar?
Also, if you’re going to schedule sex, I’d recommend you always make it a multi-hour affair. These hours could include starting off with some eye gazing, a clearing exercise, and then an hour or two of slow, intentional, deeply connecting sexual play.
Imagine this. Lets say that you’ve been in a relationship for years, and you have grown to expect that you and your partner only have a deep conversation (about the real stuff) once every year or so. And then, one day, your partner decides that he wants to do a weekly relationship ritual with you where you both completely clear your communication blocks and you get to feel deeply connected at the end of it. Can you imagine the love flourishing in your relationship as a result of this new regular practice? Well, it’s the same for scheduling sex. After the initial infatuation phase, relationships require effort. And this effort can be as simple as systemizing the things that you know feed your relationship.
Did you like these tips? Well, there’s even hotter ones over here. I spill all of the deepest, darkest secrets that I’ve learned in working with men 1-on-1 for the last 10+ years and compiled them into a brand new program called Inside The Male Mind. If you enjoyed this article, then you’re going to love this.
Dedicated to your success,
Ps. If you enjoyed this article, you’ll also love checking out:
– Inside The Male Mind (video course for women)