You’ve sexually strengthened yourself, cleared your emotional and mental blocks to physical intimacy, and now you’re ready to learn how to become a better lover.
Warning: these tips might shock you a bit.
Here are eight things you can ensure you’re doing in order to be a beast in bed.
What To Do During Sex
1. Presence Is Paramount
Being present during your sexual experience is more than half the battle.
Make ample eye contact, respond to your partner moment to moment, and be aware of her in all that you do.
Get out of your head and enjoy yourself. A huge part of sex is getting out of your head and dropping in to your body. So let go of your daily stressors and just dive into each other.
2. Be Able To Handle Everything She Gives You
Just like in all areas of life, you will only be trusted with the amount of responsibility that you have shown that you can handle.
If the first time she lets out a guttural grunt or growl it freaks you out and she can tell that you didn’t receive it well, then she will forever feel like she needs to compartmentalize and limit parts of her sexuality around you (not a good thing).
You need to be able to be comfortable enough in your own skin that you can handle whatever she throws at you. Whether she’s grunting, moaning, scratching your back, ejaculating, or biting your neck, if you are doing what you need to stay present and hold the kind of sexual space that she needs from you then you will be able to receive it well without batting an eye.
The more you show her that you are able to handle whatever she throws at you, the more deeply she will be able to trust you and surrender with you sexually. And believe me, you both win in that situation in a big way.
3. Appreciate Her With Lavish Praise
I have had some extremely sexually confident partners in the past, and I have yet to meet a single woman (or person) without some kind of insecurity or hangup about their body. It’s just human nature (or at least human nature for people who have been raised with ridiculous amounts of marketing thrown at them from all angles).
Be lavish with your praise in and out of the bedroom. Show her and tell her what you find attractive about her often and it will ease her concerns that she’s feeling a bit bloated/chubby/oily/sweaty/etc.
Love her body, love her actions, and just generally be in awe of her delicious self.
4. Focus On Her
If you feel somewhat nervous during your sexual encounters it is likely because your spotlight of attention is focused solely on yourself.
“Am I messing this up? Am I impressing her? Am I doing everything right?”
Take your attention and focus it on her. Be witness to her every breath, movement, and sound. She’s giving you tons of feedback. You just have to tune out of your radio station and into hers.
This is also a quick fix for occasional erectile dysfunction. When your body is in fight-or-flight mode then your penis is the last place that your blood wants to go. Relax yourself by focusing on her, her pleasure, and the experience you are sharing (not the “performance” you are giving).
5. Focus On Yourself
If focusing on your partner is the sexual “light side” I mentioned earlier in the ‘be a beast’ series, then your ability to let go and receive pleasure is your sexual dark side.
If you are too in your head and worried about how well you are doing, you will find it very difficult to fully feel your sexual pleasure.
So get out of your head by dropping into your body. Put all of your attention on the parts of you that are receiving the most pleasure in each moment and fully feel into them.
6. Lead Harder
Masculine energy is directional energy. It is the leading energy that says “I’m going to do this now” or “Let’s do this next.”
If you are prone to letting your partner lead your sexual experiences (whether that be where you have sex or what positions you engage in or any other number of factors) then you might want to see what it feels like if you lead a bit more. Grab hold of the steering wheel and see where you end up.
Be decisive, make requests, or just physically take your partner and lead them into the positions you want them in. Take this up a notch by pinning her arms down, introducing new sexual acts, or bringing toys in to the bedroom.
Want any other ideas? Read your sexual wish list that you wrote up from exercise #5 in the mental preparatory work section (in pt. 1 of this series).
7. Last Longer
In Taoist sexual philosophy, it was said that the masculine energy was like fire and the feminine energy was like water.
The fire can use the water to douse itself quickly (premature ejaculation/a quickie) or it can learn to burn long and bright in order to give the water the chance to come to a boil. And when the water comes to a boil, it can stay boiling for quite some time.
It’s essential that you learn to last an adequate amount of time in order for your partner to “come to a boil”, so to speak.
Some of the most efficient ways to have more control over your ejaculatory/orgasmic response is to cut out caffeine and refined sugars (they are stimulants that negatively impact your libido), get good nights sleeps as often as you can (your testosterone only produces during the night time), and regularly masturbate for extended periods of time. You don’t necessarily need to masturbate for hours on end… but if you usually masturbate for only a few minutes and race towards ejaculation as quickly as you can muster, then you might want to try your hand at a few 20-30 minutes sessions just to re-sensitize yourself back into being aware of your body and sexual response.
Tying together your presence and your ability to last longer is your ability to breathe.
A lot of men hold their breaths when they are in the throws of passion. Holding your breath leads to added stress and tension in your muscles (and the more tense your muscles the faster you are going to climax).
Without getting too deep in to the Taoist/tantric elements of breath work here, suffice it to say that long, deep breaths will go a long way in how you experience your sexual pleasure, and will help you last longer than you previously thought possible.
How To Be A Beast In Bed – Final Steps
This might sound like a lot of things to take action on (and it probably is) but I meant for this series to be the kind of thing that you bookmark and keep coming back to repeatedly for reference sake.
I’ve touched on a lot of different things and I hope that it didn’t feel like drinking from a firehose reading this post. And if it did, bookmark it so that you can come back to it periodically and make sure that you’re making progress in your sexual opening.
Dedicated to your success,