Nov 11, 2013

How To Stop Dating Below Your Potential

If you chronically date partners that you feel are “safe” or that are just simply incompatible with you, it can be a frustrating habit to maintain.

Maybe you are in a really good place in your life (you’re fit, intelligent, personable, and *ahem* modest) and yet you find yourself sliding into relationships with people that you would never bring home to meet your family.

It might be time to reevaluate your process.

Why It’s Poisonous To Your Integrity

When you date below your potential, you are ignoring your value in the world. You aren’t honouring yourself or your needs. You are telling yourself, unconsciously, that what you really want in life either a) isn’t worth going after, or b) you are unworthy of having.

When you date people that are uninspiring, you feel uninspired. But when you date people that you feel are at your level (or slightly above you), you strive to become a better partner to match them.

Here are five ways to stop dating below your potential.

1. Take Stock Of Their Cringe-Worthy Traits

See how it sounds if you take all of the things that you don’t like about her and you list them together in a pitch format. Imagine your best friend trying to set you up on a date by saying, “Hey man, I’ve got this woman you should totally meet. She cries if you don’t kiss her a certain way every night, she dropped out of high school, and she refuses to pay for anything!”

This exercise isn’t meant to be cruel- it’s to help you see your relationship through a realistic perspective.

2. Stop Dating On Looks, Start Dating On Character

When dating an exceptionally attractive woman, it’s all too common for a guy to overlook his girlfriend’s serious character flaws in favour of keeping the peace just because she’s attractive.

You will forgive her erratic mood swings, temper tantrums, or even infidelity just because she’s hot. And you know what that feels like? It feels awful. You will feel your integrity and self-respect slowly dripping out of you like a gas tank punctured with a series of pinholes.

It’s seductive to date a hot woman primarily because of her beauty (especially when you get so much validation from your peers).

But think of it this way…

When she was growing up, for every hour of her life that she committed to putting on makeup, doing her hair, researching beauty tips, or obsessing over a new fad diet, a woman of character was investing her time into cultivating her character. The woman of character was exploring the world out of a backpack (without a blow dryer), reading books (paperbacks), and accumulating new skills (like how to carry on a stimulating conversation about something other than The Jersey Shore).

3. Just Say No

Maybe you keep engaging in these relationships because they keep asking and you have a difficult time saying no.

Grab hold of the people pleaser inside of you and give them a shake. Just say no. Acknowledge that you also deserve to be happy.

4. Think About Where You Are Finding These People

And look elsewhere.

If you keep finding your relationships via bars/clubs/food-eating contests and your method isn’t working for you, then move on.

Speaking of which, have you tried online dating?

5. Take The Test

Take stock of your relationship without lying to yourself.

If you ask yourself, “If I could press a button and she simply disappeared from my life entirely today, without a messy breakup and no consequences, would I feel relieved or would I feel like I made a huge mistake?”

Your gut reaction to this question is a telling one. Pay attention to it.

Wrap Up

Today is as good a day as any to start honouring your standards.

You know what you are capable of achieving in your life. Now it’s time to find a person whose character, lifestyle, and values align with yours.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Blog

Related

See All
6 Connection Exercises For Couples To Build Intimacy
Nov 18, 2014
Jordan Gray
6 Connection Exercises For Couples To Build Intimacy
Over the past few years I’ve compiled a collection of connection exercises that have helped couples from all walks of life increase their intimacy and sense of connectedness. The couples that tend to flock towards coaching with me are not people who are on the brink of divorce but people who are already...
Continue Reading
How To Develop Courage
Sep 18, 2016
Jordan Gray
How To Develop Courage
"Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy." – Dale Carnegie - On February 7th, 2013, I was booked to hop on a plane headed to Southeast Asia. At this point...
Continue Reading
3 Tips For A Better Relationship With Your Man
May 31, 2020
Jordan Gray
3 Tips For A Better Relationship With Your Man
Want to inspire your man’s deepest love and commitment? And see just how romantic and emotionally available he can be? Or, if you’re single: Do you want to set yourself up to attract the man of your dreams with total ease? If you do the following three things I’m about to explain, you just might be...
Continue Reading
There Is Freedom In Commitment
Aug 12, 2018
Jordan Gray
There Is Freedom In Commitment
We fear that making commitments limits our freedom, when really, making the right commitments gives us more freedom than anything else we could do for ourselves. Allow me to paint a picture by contrasting two clients I worked with within the last decade. Karissa was terrified of...
Continue Reading
I Met The World's Greatest Mom Today
Jan 27, 2016
Jordan Gray
I Met The World’s Greatest Mom Today
I was walking home from the grocery store today when I witnessed something truly special. It gave me a tremendous feeling of hope for humanity, and I'd like to share it with you. ... A mother was walking down the sidewalk with her son. She was in her 30's. She walked in a straight line. And she was...
Continue Reading
Your Lone Wolf Mentality Is Killing You
Aug 6, 2017
Jordan Gray
Your Lone Wolf Mentality Is Killing You
Do you consider yourself a lone wolf? If you do, I have a message for you... Our society is currently sick. People are feeling increasingly isolated and alone. Our sense of community has been eroded. We have been given the message that you have to look out for yourself, first and foremost....
Continue Reading