Nov 11, 2013

How To Stop Dating Below Your Potential

If you chronically date partners that you feel are “safe” or that are just simply incompatible with you, it can be a frustrating habit to maintain.

Maybe you are in a really good place in your life (you’re fit, intelligent, personable, and *ahem* modest) and yet you find yourself sliding into relationships with people that you would never bring home to meet your family.

It might be time to reevaluate your process.

Why It’s Poisonous To Your Integrity

When you date below your potential, you are ignoring your value in the world. You aren’t honouring yourself or your needs. You are telling yourself, unconsciously, that what you really want in life either a) isn’t worth going after, or b) you are unworthy of having.

When you date people that are uninspiring, you feel uninspired. But when you date people that you feel are at your level (or slightly above you), you strive to become a better partner to match them.

Here are five ways to stop dating below your potential.

1. Take Stock Of Their Cringe-Worthy Traits

See how it sounds if you take all of the things that you don’t like about her and you list them together in a pitch format. Imagine your best friend trying to set you up on a date by saying, “Hey man, I’ve got this woman you should totally meet. She cries if you don’t kiss her a certain way every night, she dropped out of high school, and she refuses to pay for anything!”

This exercise isn’t meant to be cruel- it’s to help you see your relationship through a realistic perspective.

2. Stop Dating On Looks, Start Dating On Character

When dating an exceptionally attractive woman, it’s all too common for a guy to overlook his girlfriend’s serious character flaws in favour of keeping the peace just because she’s attractive.

You will forgive her erratic mood swings, temper tantrums, or even infidelity just because she’s hot. And you know what that feels like? It feels awful. You will feel your integrity and self-respect slowly dripping out of you like a gas tank punctured with a series of pinholes.

It’s seductive to date a hot woman primarily because of her beauty (especially when you get so much validation from your peers).

But think of it this way…

When she was growing up, for every hour of her life that she committed to putting on makeup, doing her hair, researching beauty tips, or obsessing over a new fad diet, a woman of character was investing her time into cultivating her character. The woman of character was exploring the world out of a backpack (without a blow dryer), reading books (paperbacks), and accumulating new skills (like how to carry on a stimulating conversation about something other than The Jersey Shore).

3. Just Say No

Maybe you keep engaging in these relationships because they keep asking and you have a difficult time saying no.

Grab hold of the people pleaser inside of you and give them a shake. Just say no. Acknowledge that you also deserve to be happy.

4. Think About Where You Are Finding These People

And look elsewhere.

If you keep finding your relationships via bars/clubs/food-eating contests and your method isn’t working for you, then move on.

Speaking of which, have you tried online dating?

5. Take The Test

Take stock of your relationship without lying to yourself.

If you ask yourself, “If I could press a button and she simply disappeared from my life entirely today, without a messy breakup and no consequences, would I feel relieved or would I feel like I made a huge mistake?”

Your gut reaction to this question is a telling one. Pay attention to it.

Wrap Up

Today is as good a day as any to start honouring your standards.

You know what you are capable of achieving in your life. Now it’s time to find a person whose character, lifestyle, and values align with yours.

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

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