“Porn is ruining intimacy.”
“Porn actors are all being forced into modern day sex slavery.”
“Porn is permanently damaging and messes with your brain’s arousal response.”
Do a quick online search for research about pornography and you’ll find that the vast majority of articles are about it’s damaging, unhealthy properties and potential negative side effects.
And while I agree that everything in life has the potential to be damaging or unhealthy when used compulsively (including exercise, healthy eating, and processing your emotions), I don’t subscribe to the concept that anything is ever so black and white.
Porn gets a lot of flack… some of it deserved, some of it undeserved.
I view porn like I view most recreational drugs… it can expand your mind when used consciously, or it can ruin parts of your life if you overindulge in it and use it mindlessly. I would argue that the same thing could be said about consuming sugar, the evening news, or celebrity gossip.
Does porn set unrealistic expectations around sex? Sure, but so do the vast majority of TV, movies, and marketing that we’re exposed to on a daily basis.
Do people have the capacity to engage in pornography use as a compulsive behaviour that they use to numb out, and even become mildly addicted to? Sure. But, again, the same could be said for consuming sugar, Facebook, or watching Netflix.
Does porn set unrealistic expectations about body image or sexual performance? Yes, but again… what doesn’t? Go outside, see any advertisement… voila. Unrealistic expectations abound.
Despite the volumes of research that speak about the ills of abundant porn consumption, I believe that porn has a very healthy (and sometimes necessary) place in our lives.
Here are the three biggest benefits of porn that no one talks about.
1. Sexual self-exploration
It’s difficult to know what you’re interested in sexually if you’ve never been exposed to anything outside of the heterosexual/missionary position/sex-with-the-lights-off messaging that is frequently pushed in Western society.
If you’re never exposed to something outside of what you have been told is appropriate, you will have a much harder time coming to terms with or normalizing those parts of your sexual self/your fantasies.
Nothing about sexuality is black and white. There are just as many sets of sexual preferences as there are people in the world. We all come with our unique sexual wiring, and that’s something to be celebrated and explored (not buried and dismissed).
I personally know many people who would not have known that they were gay, bisexual, or ‘kinky‘ had it not been for the pornography that they were able to expose themselves to.
This isn’t to say that they wouldn’t have eventually discovered their sexual orientation via other forms of sexual self-reflection… but if dipping their toe into other forms of pornography helped them save years of their lives of not knowing who they were at their sexual core, then why not expedite the process?
2. Masturbating is good for your relationship
All of the best lovers masturbate.
One of the best ways to take personal responsibility for your sexual satisfaction is to regularly engage in self-stimulation so that your body stays well-loved independently of your partner’s actions.
You’ll know your individual likes and dislikes more, you’ll be less dependent on your partner’s sexual affection, and (regardless of your gender) you’ll likely have greater control over when/if/how frequently you reach climax because you’ll already be intimately connected to your sexual arousal arch. For men, this most often means that you’ll have greater control over when you climax, and for women, this will mean that you’ll be more adept at reaching orgasm more quickly and/or frequently.
And while I wouldn’t recommend masturbating exclusively to pornography (because it’s an arousal stimulus outside of yourself and could quickly make you feel dependent on being aroused exclusively by something outside of your body versus being aroused by your own physical touch on it’s own), it’s certainly a great tool to use.
3. Occasionally viewing porn with your partner is good for your relationship
Occasionally viewing porn with your significant other has a host of benefits.
– It ensures that you’re on the same page sexually (since you’ll both want to enjoy whatever the porn is that you’re watching together).
– It can be a good way of introducing new ideas/kinks/sexual fantasies into your bedroom repertoire. By showing your partner a clip of something that you like, you may be educating them in one of your many interests that they may have not known about otherwise.
– It’s funny. A lot of porn is just straight up ridiculous. And since laughter is a natural aphrodisiac, it can be an entertaining way to lighten the mood before you start getting down with your sexy selves.
Again, I’m not saying you should become dependent on it and NEED porn to be on in the room before you start making love (you should still find your partner attractive enough to not need the external sexual boost)… but viewing other people getting it on together can be a nice treat once in a while if you’ve found some smut that fits neatly into you and your partner’s sexual overlap.
Porn Isn’t The Devil
If you’ve enjoyed this post and want to read more related subjects, I’d recommend checking out the following:
– 5 Sex Toys That Every Couple Should Own (Seriously)
– Kill Stress, Boost Testosterone, And Have Better Sex
– 3 Insanely Powerful Sex Exercises For Men
– How To Last Longer In Bed (9 Simple Exercises)
– How To Fall In Love With Masturbation
– Porn Is Ruining Your Sex Life
Dedicated to your success,
Jordan
