Oct 2, 2016

3 Major Benefits Of Porn That No One Talks About

“Porn is ruining intimacy.”

“Porn actors are all being forced into modern day sex slavery.”

“Porn is permanently damaging and messes with your brain’s arousal response.”

Do a quick online search for research about pornography and you’ll find that the vast majority of articles are about it’s damaging, unhealthy properties and potential negative side effects.

And while I agree that everything in life has the potential to be damaging or unhealthy when used compulsively (including exercise, healthy eating, and processing your emotions), I don’t subscribe to the concept that anything is ever so black and white.

Porn gets a lot of flack… some of it deserved, some of it undeserved.

I view porn like I view most recreational drugs… it can expand your mind when used consciously, or it can ruin parts of your life if you overindulge in it and use it mindlessly. I would argue that the same thing could be said about consuming sugar, the evening news, or celebrity gossip.

Does porn set unrealistic expectations around sex? Sure, but so do the vast majority of TV, movies, and marketing that we’re exposed to on a daily basis.

Do people have the capacity to engage in pornography use as a compulsive behaviour that they use to numb out, and even become mildly addicted to? Sure. But, again, the same could be said for consuming sugar, Facebook, or watching Netflix.

Does porn set unrealistic expectations about body image or sexual performance? Yes, but again… what doesn’t? Go outside, see any advertisement… voila. Unrealistic expectations abound.

Despite the volumes of research that speak about the ills of abundant porn consumption, I believe that porn has a very healthy (and sometimes necessary) place in our lives.

Here are the three biggest benefits of porn that no one talks about.

1. Sexual self-exploration

It’s difficult to know what you’re interested in sexually if you’ve never been exposed to anything outside of the heterosexual/missionary position/sex-with-the-lights-off messaging that is frequently pushed in Western society.

If you’re never exposed to something outside of what you have been told is appropriate, you will have a much harder time coming to terms with or normalizing those parts of your sexual self/your fantasies.

Nothing about sexuality is black and white. There are just as many sets of sexual preferences as there are people in the world. We all come with our unique sexual wiring, and that’s something to be celebrated and explored (not buried and dismissed).

I personally know many people who would not have known that they were gay, bisexual, or ‘kinky‘ had it not been for the pornography that they were able to expose themselves to.

This isn’t to say that they wouldn’t have eventually discovered their sexual orientation via other forms of sexual self-reflection… but if dipping their toe into other forms of pornography helped them save years of their lives of not knowing who they were at their sexual core, then why not expedite the process?

2. Masturbating is good for your relationship

All of the best lovers masturbate.

One of the best ways to take personal responsibility for your sexual satisfaction is to regularly engage in self-stimulation so that your body stays well-loved independently of your partner’s actions.

You’ll know your individual likes and dislikes more, you’ll be less dependent on your partner’s sexual affection, and (regardless of your gender) you’ll likely have greater control over when/if/how frequently you reach climax because you’ll already be intimately connected to your sexual arousal arch. For men, this most often means that you’ll have greater control over when you climax, and for women, this will mean that you’ll be more adept at reaching orgasm more quickly and/or frequently.

And while I wouldn’t recommend masturbating exclusively to pornography (because it’s an arousal stimulus outside of yourself and could quickly make you feel dependent on being aroused exclusively by something outside of your body versus being aroused by your own physical touch on it’s own), it’s certainly a great tool to use.

3. Occasionally viewing porn with your partner is good for your relationship

Occasionally viewing porn with your significant other has a host of benefits.

– It ensures that you’re on the same page sexually (since you’ll both want to enjoy whatever the porn is that you’re watching together).

– It can be a good way of introducing new ideas/kinks/sexual fantasies into your bedroom repertoire. By showing your partner a clip of something that you like, you may be educating them in one of your many interests that they may have not known about otherwise.

– It’s funny. A lot of porn is just straight up ridiculous. And since laughter is a natural aphrodisiac, it can be an entertaining way to lighten the mood before you start getting down with your sexy selves.

Again, I’m not saying you should become dependent on it and NEED porn to be on in the room before you start making love (you should still find your partner attractive enough to not need the external sexual boost)… but viewing other people getting it on together can be a nice treat once in a while if you’ve found some smut that fits neatly into you and your partner’s sexual overlap.

Porn Isn’t The Devil

If you’ve enjoyed this post and want to read more related subjects, I’d recommend checking out the following:

5 Sex Toys That Every Couple Should Own (Seriously)

Kill Stress, Boost Testosterone, And Have Better Sex

3 Insanely Powerful Sex Exercises For Men

How To Last Longer In Bed (9 Simple Exercises)

How To Fall In Love With Masturbation

Porn Is Ruining Your Sex Life

Dedicated to your success,

Jordan

Jordan Gray
About Jordan Gray

Jordan Gray has been a sex and relationship coach for over 15+ years, with his work reaching over 200 million people worldwide. His writing has been featured in Vogue, GQ, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, and countless other publications around the world. When he’s not working with 1-on-1 coaching clients or writing a new article, he’s most likely to be found reading, chopping wood, or spending time with his wife on a little island off the west coast of Canada.

Blog

Related

See All
9 Reasons To Work With A Sex Coach
Jul 20, 2024
Jordan Gray
9 Reasons To Work With A Sex Coach
Thinking of working with a sex coach, but not sure what you'll get out of it? Perhaps you know someone who has worked with a sexuality or intimacy coach and seen great results. In this article, I'll dive into seven of the most significant ways that people benefit from working with sex coaches. By...
Continue Reading
How This Magical Sound Vibrator Gave Me Stronger Erections
Nov 20, 2017
Jordan Gray
How This Magical Sound Vibrator Gave Me Stronger Erections
Last week, my buddy Steve and I went on a road trip to have a doctor shoot sound waves into our penises in order to supercharge our boners. You know... just some casual male bonding. When the people at GAINSWave reached out to me and asked if I wanted to try out their new penis-boosting technology,...
Continue Reading
How To Last Longer In Bed (9 Simple Exercises)
Jan 17, 2016
Jordan Gray
How To Last Longer In Bed (9 Simple Exercises)
Ever wish you could last longer in bed? Increase your sexual stamina? Have sex for hours without stopping? Well, I have good news. You're not alone! This is by far one of the most commonly asked questions that I get from my male readers… so today, I want to answer this question to the fullest extent...
Continue Reading
How To Kiss Well: The Ultimate Guide To Being A Better Kisser
Apr 21, 2020
Jordan Gray
How To Kiss Well: The Ultimate Guide To Being A Better Kisser
In romance, there are few big first impressions we get to make on each other, and kissing might be the biggest one of them all. I've heard many people say that they went on dates with bad kissers and it was a deal breaker for them. Why? Because how you kiss is a microcosm of how you will be as a partner...
Continue Reading
5 Ways Your Cell Phone Can Improve Your Relationship
Apr 19, 2015
Jordan Gray
5 Ways Your Cell Phone Can Improve Your Relationship
Cell phones get a lot of flack when it comes to how we interact with each other in our relationships. But technology is a neutral entity. It’s how we use our phones that matters. Yes, if you text each other more than you talk face to face, you can experience pain in your relationship. But if you harness...
Continue Reading
5 Sex Toys That Every Couple Should Own (Seriously)
Sep 27, 2015
Jordan Gray
5 Sex Toys That Every Couple Should Own (Seriously)
What are the sex toys that every couple should own? I've come up with five that I think that every couple in the world could benefit from. Sex toys can bring an added element of fun, playfulness, and exploration to your bedroom repertoire. And ever since I started writing about sex more over the past...
Continue Reading