Looking to increase your sexual stamina? Do you want to be able to thrust for hours at full power without worrying about finishing too quickly, and having total control over when you ejaculate? What if I told you that you could even choose IF you wanted to come at all?
Sorcery, you say? Nope. Sexual stamina is all about education and practice. Lots of practice.
It’s extremely common for guys to feel like they finish faster than they want to. Then, they often feel embarrassed around leaving their partner chronically disappointed and wanting more, causing them to end up feeling like less of a “man”, and robbed of their real sexual potential. Which results in an even less fun shame spiral to be in and that’s when sexual shame can build up.
Just by simply reading this article, you will notice immediate improvements in your sexual stamina, as well as develop totally new awareness around the way you orgasm. But developing real control is another story altogether.
It takes a lot of dedicated practice to be able to make love for hours. But if you last for 5 minutes right now, what if you could see a 100% increase and double that length of time? And then double it again, and again? Chances are, even making that much progress would already feel like a massive win.
Open your mind, give it a few weeks, and you won’t believe the difference a bit of dedicated practice can make. I promise. But first, if you want to actually master sexual stamina, and not just make a couple tweaks, you need to understand what’s getting in the way.
Why Is It So Hard For Guys To Last During Sex?
There are a lot of reasons why so many men struggle with sexual stamina. But here are the four main ones:
1. Bad masturbation habits
If you polled men about how they masturbate, pretty much every single one would say they do it the same way every time. Step 1: Get hard. Step 2: Grab hold. Step 3: Pump furiously and steadily until we come. Step 4: Shock yourself at how quickly you can fill your garbage can with soon-to-be crusty toilet paper.
It’s completely about utility, and has very little to do with eroticism, nuance, and exploration.
Most men also start masturbating at a young age while they’re still living at home, which leads them to develop an engrained habit of masturbating as quickly, quietly and efficiently as possible, so they can avoid getting caught in the act by their Mom and feel the worst kind of embarrassment any kid could possibly imagine.
If you can relate (and pretty much every guy can) that means you have practiced having orgasms one way: going straight from zero to one hundred as fast as possible. Your nervous system, musculature, and thought patterns have all been conditioned to adjust to support this goal.
Think about it: have you ever changed your technique? When’s the last time you slowed down, set the scene, and played with your cock like you were discovering arousal for the first time? For most dudes, the answer is “never”.
It’s no wonder we struggle with sexual stamina when we have literally been training our bodies to ejaculate as quickly as possible for years (if not decades).
One of biggest things we’re going to work on further down to build sexual stamina is intentional, mindful masturbation, to break up this pattern and disrupt our bad habits.
2. Heavy porn use
Having 24/7 digital access to infinite banks of pornography is a very new cultural phenomenon. Unfortunately, if you’re a chronic user, it doesn’t necessarily have the best impact on your sexual performance.
Porn not only reinforces these bad masturbation habits and helps condition premature ejaculation, but it also reinforces a false image that sex is all about constant penetration and genital stimulation.
In reality, enjoyable sex is much more nuanced, sensual, and full bodied. But that doesn’t translate to the most interesting viewing experience. Since we’re more stimulated by watching hardcore fucking than real intimate sex, that’s what producers and filmmakers give us.
So, monkey see, monkey do. But to expect that you should, or even want to, perform like porn actors is ridiculous. On average, they have average to high levels of sexual stamina, and the editors simply cut out all of the footage where they had to slow down and move away from the ejaculatory point of no return.
That said, it’s really fun to have the ability to go super hard for a while. It’s just unlikely you’re going to do it for 45 minutes straight with absolutely zero change in tempo. I mean, have you even explicitly asked your partner if that’s something that they want you to be able to do? One person can only receive so much deep thrusting.
Since the vast majority of a modern guy’s orgasms are had alone while watching porn, there is also a very different problem developing. We’re practicing being centred in our heads, or fantasy, and cut off from any body awareness, which is one of the key things to work on to improve sexual stamina.
Which leads us to point three…
3. Disconnection from our bodies
The average modern man is radically disconnected from his body. Said another way, he lacks acute somatic awareness.
Porn doesn’t help, but it’s certainly not the only cause. Our society in general promotes head-centric living. City life and digital technology are hyper-stimulating. It keeps our attention fully absorbed in the external world, just trying to stay afloat and navigate managing the basic stresses and financial pressures of urban life.
On an emotional level, men have notoriously conditioned to shut down their emotions, stiffen up, be tough, and act “like a man”, thanks to cultural pressures and messed up ideals of what masculinity is. To achieve this, we literally end up numbing and tensing up our actual body, which disconnects us from the subtleties of our inner emotional lives.
Men, more often than women, have to do a considerable amount of work to earn their way back in to their bodies. Not to say that women don’t have this work to do as well (they absolutely do), just that our relationship to our bodies is our relationship to the feminine… and this is one reason that a higher percentage of women tend to be more embodied than the average man. Case in point: a higher percentage of women are more comfortable dancing on a dance floor than the average man. Again, because there are fewer steps that the feminine needs to take in order to be in their bodies.
Certain types of meditation and yoga are geared toward reclaiming your focus and directing it to every inch of your body, in the present moment. These practices are massively beneficial for men, as they help to re-establish contact with the mysterious inner landscape that we’ve cut ourselves off from.
This is a pretty short point, but I could write entire volumes of books about the topic. Hooking up your emotional wires and re-learning how to express yourself is some of the most powerful shit you will ever do. Working on this will radically change your life in ways you could never expect.
(Side note: check out the on-camera, demonstrated technique of ‘T.R.E.’ that I show in my Supercharge Your Sex Life program. This exercise alone will help you dissipate body-level tension and drop into yourself with a lot more ease)
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4. Evolutionary disadvantages
As a guy, if you’re trying to last longer, you’re actually swimming against the current of evolutionary biology. Because, when it comes to sexual stamina for males versus females, the deck is stacked against us.
Using evolutionary theory and anthropology, some scientists try to explain the reasons why we have the traits we do today. They do this by looking to the process of genetic selection and the ways we lived for hundreds of thousands of years in the past.
For sexual traits among the genders, it seems that males tend to reach ejaculation fairly quickly, for the most part.Whereas women are wired for multiple orgasms and only get more aroused as the session goes on, or at least until they have a really peak orgasm.
It seems like a practical joke from nature itself, but evolutionary scientists explain that this difference in sexual stamina is an ancient artifact of natural selection.
In many primates, we see multiple males mating with a female in a single session, or within a small period of time. This seems to be the way primitive versions of homo sapiens mated as well. The idea is this allows for the strongest sperm to compete to fertilize her egg and yield the fittest offspring.
Having multiple orgasms incentivizes the female to keep mating and take multiple sperm samples, which is further supported by having the males coming faster and getting out of the way.
(Fun fact: this is also hypothesized to be the reason for “female copulatory vocalization”, or the tendency of women to moan and make noises during sex. It’s an audible signal to other males in the environment that she may be down to mate, and they can follow the sound to get in on the action.)
It’s a controversial theory in our modern taboo-rich society, but it makes a hell of a lot of sense. And it doesn’t mean that a woman can’t be satisfied by one man (not at all), it just means she’ll go fucking GA-GA over any guy who has built up his sexual stamina to the point where he can assist her in experiencing peak pleasure to the extent that most guys can’t.
Alright, enough pre-history – let’s get into it!
How To Build Sexual Stamina
1. Better health
Exercise is huge. It keeps you in touch with your body, lowers anxiety (which causes premature ejaculation) and releases a ton of sex-boosting chemicals. Keeping your brain and body healthy promotes better neurological communication, which will also give you better orgasms.
On a very practical note, you can’t build sexual stamina if you get winded easily. Being able to delay orgasm is a useless skill if you don’t have the cardio to back it up and make use of the extra time.
Make sure your heart gets pumping more than your cock. Avoid consuming energy drinks and processed foods – since hyper-stimulation is counterproductive to developing more acute somatic awareness.
2. Mindful masturbation
When it comes to cultivating sexual stamina, preparation is massively important. As they say, “the more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war.” You need to practice, practice, practice – but in a very different way.
Do the rough math on how many times you’ve masturbated. Let’s make a conservative estimate and say, once a week (we both know it’s WAY more than that). So, for example – if you’re 25, and you started at 15, that’s 520 orgasms in ten years.
(Again, we both know it’s WAY, WAY more than that.)
You can play around with the variables to reflect yours, but the point is: how you show up at practice is how you show up to the game.
For your entire career of beating your meat, you’ve been rehearsing getting on the court for one shift (or half a shift) and hustling back to the bench.
That’s hundreds, and more likely THOUSANDS of practice sessions. And then we’re surprised we can’t last longer than a few minutes?
You need to interrupt the pattern and bring more mindfulness into masturbation. We’re going to start slow and build up. The point here is to bring total awareness to real, physical sensation, and build a relationship with your natural sexual energy.
Absolutely NO porn, Instagram model accounts, or mental fantasizing. The point is to stay in your body, and connected to your physical sensations.
Two simple things that will rush you to orgasm are shallow breathing and chronic tension. To make immediate improvements in your sexual stamina, focus on drawing deep, steady breaths. When you locate any spots of tension (particularly your glutes, pelvis, front of your legs and stomach) breathe into them and let it all go.
How to mindfully masturbate:
- Intentionally set aside 45-minute windows in your calendar for solo practice
- Set the scene, just like you would if you were about to have sex (oil/lube, music, scents, candles, whatever your jam is – just be intentional)
- Start by slowly breathing with closed eyes
- Reconnect with your entire body, not just your cock
- For a few minutes, softly stroke everything within comfortable reach of your fingers (neck, chest, arms, stomach, thighs)
- Using some natural lube, SLOWLY start exploring your genitals
- Surprise yourself by discovering new touches, grips and techniques
- Enjoy prolonging sensations in the moment, don’t just race to the finish
- Regularly scan your body for any tension and let it melt, focusing especially on your legs, pelvis and core
- BREATHE throughout everything. Keep bringing awareness back to your breath and imagine it swirling and expanding through your whole body.
3. The 9 to 5 Technique
Simply by bringing attention inside your body, relaxing tension and breathing more consciously, you will already make noticeable improvements in your sexual stamina.
Getting reacquainted with your body through mindful masturbation is important, but you’ve basically stepped into the dojo for the first time and earned a white belt for participation.
To get to the next level and become a beast of sexual stamina, you need to practice the 9 to 5 technique. To earn your black belt in orgasmic mastery, running this deceptively simple drill is going to be your bread-and-butter.
What is the 9 to 5 technique?
Imagine your sexual arousal on a scale of 1 to 10. The numbers 9 and 5 are simply points on that scale – with “5” being medium, and in control, and “9” being right on the edge of orgasm.
Usually, the arc of a guy’s masturbation session looks like a straight line trending upward from 1 to 10, as fast as possible. So it’s no surprise that, when he’s actually having sex, his orgasms feel like a runaway horse over which he has no control.
The 9 to 5 technique will break that wild stag and put the reins back in your hands.
Do you really want to build ultimate sexual stamina? Here’s what you’re going to need to do…
Practice mindful masturbation to work yourself up to a 9, and then, instead of pushing through to a 10, bring yourself back down to a 5, and repeat the cycle multiple times.
To get a sense of what a 5 and 9 feel like, you have to play around with it yourself. Developing this familiarity and mapping out your 1 to 10 scale is all part of the beginning stage.
As you continue to practice, pay closer attention to the ripples of arousal coursing through your body, to catch and control the swell of orgasm sooner.
In this simple exercise, you’re retraining your entire body to relate to orgasms in an entirely new way. You’re developing new insights into how your body has them, as well as sharpening various skills in managing that swell of arousal.
You’re practicing walking up to the edge, right before that swelling feeling in your pelvis gets so strong you hit the point of no return and blow your load, and stepping back down.
Work on the 9 to 5 technique at least once a week for 30-45 minutes. If you can make time to get a few extra sessions in, you’ll be that much sharper and ahead of schedule in developing peak sexual stamina.
While doing this, you might even stumble across the mythical land of multiple orgasms. If so, take a moment to laugh and acknowledge you’re now in the fraction of one percent of men who will ever make that discovery.
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Tips For Going From 9 to 5
When you feel yourself building up to a 9, there are many different tools you can use to hit the brakes.
Slowing down or stopping stimulation is perfectly fine. When you’re actually having sex and want a break, but don’t want to stop stimulating her, you can move to using your fingers and/or switch to oral for a minute. Ditch those porn-induced sexual expectations and switch up intensities and styles. But still, the real black belt still has more nuanced techniques to control the situation while remaining present and engaged.
Flexing your PC muscle is a sneaky one, which also takes practice to build up strength with. It’s essentially a sustained kegel exercise, where you squeeze your pelvic floor, or that space between your testicles and anus. Pairing this with deep breathing is super effective. You can do it while inside her, or pull out for a moment and give it a flex.
Breathing is so key. I can’t mention this enough, and you’ll see why. When you’re building up to your edge, draw a vigorous inhale and visualize the air filling your whole body and dissolving the swell of arousal in your pelvis. Play with different visualizations to find what works best for you
When you’re getting dangerously close, do all these last 3 at once! Pull out, squeeze your PC muscle, and breathe like a motherfucker.
Relax both your physical body and your mind. Diffuse your focus, close your eyes and let your awareness melt. We tend to get fixated on certain sensations or visuals and reflexively try to arouse ourselves quicker than we actually want to.
Gently but firmly tug your testicles. As you get closer to orgasm, the cords of your balls that attach up into your body will get tighter and pulled upward. Stretch them out with a slow, firm tug. (Side note: these cords are called spermatic cords. The more you know!)
Squeeze either the base or tip of your of your cock with your thumb and forefingers. Use as much pressure as you can stand and squeeze for at least 5-10 seconds. This can usually be enough to break up the sensation and keep your swell at bay.
These are all different tools in your sexual stamina toolbox. Feel free to mix and match them as you please. Experiment with different combinations to find out what’s most effective for you.
After a few weeks of getting more in touch your body and building skill with the 9 to 5 technique, start picking up the speed and intensity with your masturbation practice.
Can you do it more vigorously, while still breathing deeply, staying in your body, not getting lost in fantasies, or being pushed over the edge to climax?
If you keep this up long enough, you’ll eventually have the superhero ability to last as long as you want to.
Having high sexual stamina is no different than being able to sink free throws, paint a picture, or play the piano. It’s all about practice. The highest performers in any field got there with patience and repetition.
Professional athletes and artists were all a little frustrated when they started out. But they wouldn’t be professionals if they gave up and had a pity party in their early days before they got a chance to really get the hang of it.
Stick with your mindful practice of the 9 to 5 technique and you’ll be fucking at an Olympic level in no time.
Again, building sexual stamina takes time, patience, and persistence. You will see results immediately simply by being connected to your breath and releasing tension from your body. But if you’re overcoming years/decades of unproductive masturbatory habits, then it may take you anywhere from two weeks to four months of intentional practice to gain superhuman sexual stamina.
I wish you the best of luck in your sexual stamina building journey.
And if you want to supercharge your process, I can’t recommend my video courses Supercharge Your Sex Life and Total Sexual Mastery highly enough. It’s where I put all of my best stuff, including video demonstrations of sexual technique, advanced ways to release stress and tension from your body, and a ninja-level Cock Power Meditation track that you can listen to daily in order to gain that extra edge in ability and confidence.
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Dedicated to your success,
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