My entire body is washed with a wave of the warm-and-fuzzies just writing the word.
For me, performing oral sex on a woman I love often feels like sitting down to a steak dinner after 40 days in the desert. There’s just something about the idea that sets me on fire, which has led me to talk with some experts and research various techniques over the years.
In my research for this article, it turns out that a lot of (i.e. the majority) women are used to bad oral sex. One woman I interviewed even said, “With a lot of guys, I’d rather them just not. Some men seem to be absolutely hopeless with oral sex.”
A lot of guys see oral sex as a brief pit stop en route, rather than a main destination, so they don’t put much energy into honing their skills.
This is all good news for you. Because if you put even a little bit of effort into sorting out your approach and technique, you’ll set yourself miles ahead of the pack. When you’re through, she’ll be blissed out, panting and doe-eyed, looking at you like you’re an absolute rock star.
And if you can do it well, it’s a hell of a lot of fun. There’s just something about being able to drive a woman wild with your mouth (and hands) alone that feels like having a legitimate superpower.
Want to give a woman the best oral sex of her life? Here is the low down on going down.
Best Oral Sex Of Her Life: Preparation
For best results (and orgasmic response), you’ll want to get her totally relaxed, comfortable, and connected to her body. Make sure she can lie back and let every muscle go. Set her up with a few pillows if she wants to be propped up for comfort, or get a better view if that’s what turns her on. If she’s a squirter, put down a sex blanket so that she can really let go without worrying about leaving a wet spot on the sheets.
Lightly massage, touch, and kiss her whole body. This will help her relax, arrive in the moment, and send signals to her brain that it’s time to start sending blood through her sexual circuitry. Tell her what parts you find sexy. Lavish her with genuine praise. Let your excitement show.
Just as important as making sure she is physically comfortable is settling in and ensuring that you are physically comfortable. Position yourself so that you’ll avoid any neck, hand, or forearm cramping for as long as possible. I mean it… get comfy.
Settle in with the mindset of “I’m gonna be here alllllll night” and she will respond to your level of relaxation and relishing.
A common theme throughout this whole process will be communication. Check in as you’re trying different things. For her to reach her orgasmic potential, a woman has to be able to tell you what feels good and what feels REALLY good. The difference can often be as small as moving a few millimetres to the left, or applying just a smidge less/more pressure.
The reason why women say most men aren’t good at giving oral sex is that so few of them are open and curious enough to actually ASK what a woman wants and update their understanding of women’s sexuality. Most guys feel they need to guess what “should” work, or they just do what feels good for them.
Great oral is the result of using your tongue to talk, not just lick. Starting an open dialogue demonstrates willingness to explore and learn, and also care for her sexual experience, while making sex way more fun. Just this conversation alone might give her an orgasm! (Seriously though, she’ll fucking love it. If she’s shy at first, keep encouraging her. When she sees it’s only safe and awesome to direct you, she’ll open up to the practice more and more.)
Best Oral Sex Of Her Life: Creating Dynamic Tension
Some guys will jump head first off the high dive into her lap and start lapping her up like their lives depended on it. There’s a time and a place for that, but her experience will be more pleasurable if you start out slowly.
This leaves room for you to build the intensity and experience, much like a musician. A piece of music rarely starts with the crescendo. Otherwise there would be no payoff. All my favourite songs build slowly, rising and falling, adding more elements along the way, until they finally explode in flourishing sonic orgasm.
The simplest, most on-point metaphor for this was given to me by an instructor of Tibetan Tantra. Imagine that your sexual arousal is a pot full of water. Men have a tiny saucepan, while women have giant stockpots. While a guy can happily hit a rolling boil in no time at all, a woman’s ‘water’ needs more time to heat up. Again, there are times where she’ll be down to ravenously jump right into it with minimal foreplay, but this is a solid rule of thumb for a reason.
By starting slow and switching up the intensity from high to low, and low to high, you create sexual tension, which eventually spills over in the form of orgasm(s).
Working The Clitoris
The clitoris is a gateway to some of the most insane levels of peak pleasure a woman could ever experience. It has around 8,000 nerve endings, which is more than twice what the penis has.
Women can sustain orgasms of length and intensity that men will simply never know (caveat: men can also become multi-orgasmic with a little bit of effort, but women still get the sweeter end of the stick in terms of orgasmic/peak arousal). So if you’re ignoring it, or are simply uninformed, you’re missing out on a massive treasure chest of sexual experience.
The clitoris is like most things in life: there’s more to it than meets the eye. It’s more like an iceberg than a button. The little pea-shaped bulb that pops out over top of the vaginal opening is only the tip of it. It’s actually more of a wishbone shape, with two shafts that run down either side of the vagina, along with vestibular bulbs on both sides of her vaginal opening. (Look up “anatomy of the clitoris” for a better visual.)
Rhythmically massaging these areas before or while using your tongue is a great way to stimulate blood flow and add to the fullness of sensation.
That said – the tip of the clitoris is still definitely a magic sweet spot. It’s slightly cloaked by a protective hood, so when you’re ready to really turn it up, you’ll want to pull that back. There are two most comfortable ways to do this:
1. Wrap either arm around and over her thigh and place your thumb and index finger on either side of the clit. With the tips of your fingers pointing downwards to create ample room for your mouth
2. Without wrapping around, simply place the thumb and index finger in the same place, on either side, with fingers also pointing downwards
When you gently pull up and slightly outward, you’ll get maximum exposure on the clitoris.
There are other key internal erogenous zones, but a decent percentage of women can’t orgasm without some form of clitoral stimulation taking place. Give the little cutie the attention, love, and respect it deserves.
Best Oral Sex Of Her Life: Techniques
Warm her up by keeping your touch gentle and slow-motion. Kiss, lick and tease her thighs and the sides of her pussy. Softly make out with it exactly like you would her mouth. Stop and use just your fingers for a little bit. Trace slow circles on her clit, then switch to rapid lateral micro-strokes, as if you were trying to gently rub a small stain out of your t-shirt. Using your middle and ring finger together works best here.
When you go back to using your tongue, add a finger or two to stroke her G-spot (the spongy, quarter-sized patch of tissue on the upper inside wall of her pussy, just an inch or two in from the opening. For a deeper dive on that, check out this article on the G-spot). Try matching pace and pressure with your fingers and tongue and then contrasting slow, firm strokes with your fingers and rapid flicks of the tongue.
And when I say firm strokes, I mean firm. When you’re more than a few minutes into stimulating her, it’s nearly impossible to go too hard with a few fingers. Think about it: babies come out of there. It can handle a lot of stress. Some of the best orgasms I’ve given women were when I was giving it every ounce of strength I had.
Each woman feels a little bit different, but you’ll get a sense of when it’s a good time to twist the throttle. You can distinguish between her different levels of arousal with a little bit of attention and time. You’ll want to look out for two main things: wetness and swelling.
There’s a certain quality and quantity of “wetness” she’ll get to as you go along, which is very different from when you first start out. When she’s initially aroused, her body releases natural lubricant to get sex-ready, which can be slick and viscous. As stimulation continues, and arousal increases, those juices will start to feel thinner – almost like water – and there will be a lot more of them.
As she gets more turned on, her pussy will also feel different to the touch. When the blood flow increases, she will go from simply feeling lubricated, to also feeling quite swollen, or engorged. You can especially feel this on either side of her vaginal opening. But the tissue of the entire internal cavity will expand too. You might even feel the deeper part of her open up even more, kind of like a lightly inflated balloon.
When she’s at this stage of arousal, going harder with your fingers is a pretty safe play. But sex is always better when you communicate. She might actually be down for it sooner than you think, or maybe she won’t want it at all.
Going hard can be super fun. But what makes a woman come changes a lot more often than it does for guys. Sometimes the touch that will bring her to orgasm is so subtle and specific that you wouldn’t ever be able to guess it on your own. Pay attention to her breath and vocalizations, but most of the time nothing beats directly asking, “How do you want it?” or “What feels good?”
If you do build intensity, slow way back down to how you started out and then quickly build back up. Playing with differences in speed and pressure will give her stronger (and often multiple) orgasms.
You can increase the intensity once in a while by flexing your tongue and leaning into her while you lick. When you’re doing this in the heat of the moment, you can try pushing into her clit with a firm tongue and shaking your head vigorously from side to side, kind of like a paint shaker. Doing this for too long can rattle your brain a little bit, but it’s often very effective in short bursts.
Also try pulling the whole clit into your mouth and slowly sucking on it. Some women love this and some don’t. You’ll just have to throw it in once in a while to test the waters. And always avoid using your teeth at all costs.
While you’re using your tongue, try switching between accompanying stimulation, such as massaging her thighs, pulling back the clitoral hood, stimulating the G-spot with fingers and pushing up on the backs of her knees to change the angle and position of stimulation.
There are no hard-and-fast rules here for structure and order. You just have a toolbox that you can pull and switch from whenever you choose. If you use your intuition, communicate with her about what she likes and wants, and LISTEN to her response as you’re going down on her, you can’t go wrong. Notice what makes her breathe harder and deeper.
Just remember, the slower you build, the more intense her orgasms will be. The more the person giving oral sex is into it, the hotter it is and the faster the recipient will likely hit climax. So if you’re going to go down, simultaneously act like you’ve got all the time in the world, and unleash yourself and go all the way.
If so, you need to watch this video I just made where I show you the sexual techniques women have been *begging* me to teach men…
– Strategies to last for hours in bed… without bullshit advice like “think about baseball.”
– How to get hard on command… even if you’re 70 years old or addicted to porn
– The three types of orgasms women have and how to create them.
If you’ve ever wanted to ‘level up your sexual game,’ this is your chance.
Relax Your Jaw
Stamina is the biggest key to great oral sex. One of the biggest secrets to being able to stick with it is to totally relax your jaw. Most men clench up have while licking, which is what causes them to quickly burn out and not make it to the payoff.
Let it hang completely loose and flick your tongue independently of any jaw tension. If you cramp up easily, you may have a lot of stored jaw tension that you need to release. To help open that up, check out tip #3 in my article 7 Stretches For Better Sex.
Most guys can’t handle, nor do they want, any stimulation after they’ve had an orgasm. For confirmation, just search memes for “when you nut and she still sucking”. It’s worth a laugh.
But for women it’s usually quite different. Sometimes maintaining stimulation after orgasm can cause you to cruise right into another one. Or, you might be able to dial back stimulation for a few seconds and then ramp it right back up again to bring her to climax. I find this works relatively often.
Just don’t be too cautious about it. I usually find that if I push back a bit against her natural bodily reflexes to close her legs and squirm away, she’ll have more and more orgasms.
And don’t worry, if it’s way too intense, she’ll stop you. Again, listening and paying attention to her response throughout is key. But as a rule: it’s better to lean slightly over the edge of too much stimulation into the land of potentially-another-orgasm than it is to delicately handle her like a fragile soufflé and give her an underwhelming/frustrating almost-orgasm.
Grooming & Sanitation
It’s not the sexiest part of the conversation, but this part is crucial.
On your end, always have your fingernails trimmed, and filed if necessary. You don’t want any talons or rough edges causing discomfort and scratching when your fingers are inside her. While things can get started quickly when you’re in the heat of the moment, as much as you can manage it, make sure to wash your hands and mouth well before you start any session, as most women’s vaginas are extra sensitive to different bacteria.
For her, you might have to politely (and tactfully) request she washes up too before you get into it. Unless you two are frequently brash, direct, and have really thick skin, this is usually a really sensitive issue for most women.
Try saying something thoughtful like, “I want to pamper your beautiful little pussy tonight. Why don’t you go take a relaxing shower so you can get into your body and wash the day off… and then meet me in the bedroom?”
What could be an uncomfortable confrontation is turned into a proactive, romantic gesture. If odour is an ongoing issue, you may have to have a more compassionately direct conversation.
The balance of pH and bacterial cultures in the vagina are very delicate. Anything from diet, to clothing, to hygiene and menstrual products can cause subtle shifts (for example, I have noticed the taste of my partner’s vagina change when they went from vegan to an omnivore diet). If there’s an issue, there may be a very simple habit she can change to improve her vaginal health.
– Make sure your nails are groomed, hands are washed, and her body is washed and relaxed.
– Really settle in. Get comfortable. Take your time getting into position and building sexual tension with your level of relaxation and excitement about the process. If you’re loving it, tell her aloud why that is. It will only turn her on more.
– Create dynamic and build neurological tension by starting slow and oscillating between high and low intensities/speed of stimulation.
– Calibrate by testing different techniques, observing the response and asking for feedback.
– Be wild and passionate.
– Avoid cramps and fatigue by slacking your jaw.
– When she comes, ease off to let her bask in it for a moment and then dive back in.
Remember, by going in with these simple tips, you’re already in an elite class of oral sex providers. Above all else, listen to her and enjoy yourself.
Giving good oral sex to a woman is a knack. Like any other sexual skill, all you can do to develop it is practice and repetition. It takes some time to be able to tune into a woman and intuitively read her arousal blueprint. But I promise oral sex is not as hard and mysterious as everyone makes it out to be.
Keep calm and lick on my friends.
Dedicated to your success,
Ps. If you’re a man who wants to level up his sexual abilities, I strongly encourage you to check out my video series called Supercharge Your Sex Life. In this video series, I deep dive into how you can get superhuman sexual stamina, more predictable, and solid erections, and how to give her the most mind-blowing orgasms of her life. I even demonstrate (on camera) how to give clitoral orgasms, G-spot squirting orgasms, full body sensual massages, and more. It’s pretty crazy stuff 😉
Pps. If you enjoyed reading this article on oral sex, you will likely also love checking out: