Allow me to let you in on a little secret…
When you rank #1 in the world for the search terms ‘how to have a stronger penis’, ‘how to last longer in bed’, and ‘best sex toys for men’, you tend to receive a LOT of messages asking questions about penises in your email inbox.
On a daily basis, I tend to get anywhere from 5-30 emails from men around the world asking me questions about their penises, with them wondering whether or not they are normal for having their individual afflictions.
So today, I want to set the record straight.
Here are five things that penises do that are totally normal.
If you experience or have experienced any of these things, I can assure you that you are a normal, healthy human being. And you are completely fine, just as you are.
1. Your penis occasionally goes down a bit during extended sex sessions
While you are having sex and you feel your penis start deflating a bit (in other words, going from 100% erect down to 70% erect), there’s nothing to worry about. You are normal.
Erectile strength fluctuates during sexual activity.
I know that porn may have led you to believe that there are stallion men in the world who have flawlessly erect penises for entire extended sex sessions, but this simply isn’t true.
Blood flow fluctuates. Your arousal levels fluctuate. Your connection to your body fluctuates. And all of these factors result in your penis being harder and sometimes less hard throughout the course of an extended sex session.
So if you catch your penis starting to lose some of its firmness mid-way through having sex sometimes, you are normal.
2. Your ejaculate dribbles out, even if it used to shoot out
One thing that commonly happens after a certain age (generally starts to occur some time between age 30-45 for most men) is that your sperm dribbles out of your penis upon ejaculating, even if it used to shoot out like the 4th of July fireworks.
No, there isn’t a “blockage” in your penis. You are not broken. Your penis is simply doing what it does when your body ages.
You can somewhat impact the shooting spectacle of your sperm by getting regular exercise, eating well, and doing your kegel exercises, but you are completely normal if your ejaculate dribbles out when you climax. You are not broken.
3. Not getting erect when you’re really stressed out
When men (or women) are significantly stressed out in their lives, we have built in software that tells our bodies to be less sexually functional. It’s almost as if our reptilian brain is assuming that, if we are stressed, we need to be using our energy for hunting/gathering/earning our access to food and resources (focusing on survival) as opposed to giving energy towards procreation.
If you find it difficult to achieve (or maintain) a usable erection when you’re particularly stressed out in your life, you are normal.
Sometimes you can take specific actions that will help you out (most notably, exercising more, playing more, and eating healthier will all contribute to your body managing it’s stress levels more effectively), but other times, there just isn’t anything you can do about it. If you just got fired from your job, someone you love dies, and you’re responsible for handling your children/aging parent’s lives simultaneously, well then guess what… you’re just not going to be visited by the boner fairy that much for a while until your life balances out again.
If you find it difficult to get a sufficient erection when you’re insanely stressed out, you are normal.
4. Not getting erect if you’re putting too much pressure on yourself to perform sex instead of enjoy sex
If you see sex as a performance, as opposed to an experience to be shared, felt, and enjoyed, then it is normal that you are going to find it relatively more difficult to achieve a sufficient erection.
Sure, you can trick your body into ‘performing’ for you for a while, just like you can trick your hands to not shake when you speak to an audience of 5,000 people for a little while, but eventually your nervous system will retaliate and your body will not cooperate when you tell it to respond to your will on command.
As much as like we think we can, we can’t force our bodies to act in accordance with our will for very long. Our bodies have their own natural rhythms and they have a consciousness of their own.
Our bodies need to be invited, or compelled into sex. If our penises feel like we’re internally screaming at them like a drill sergeant to “PERFORM, NOW!” then it won’t be long before they either start resenting us and becoming uncooperative, or getting stage fright and shutting down in the face of our barked orders.
Remember, sex is a shared experience that is focused around feeling, not about putting on a performance.
If you find it difficult to achieve or maintain an erection because your internal dialogue says that sex is a performance that a man has to flawlessly put on, then you are normal.
5. Climaxing too quickly if you’re holding your breath or you’re too physically tense
The fastest way to cum faster than you wanted to is to a) hold your breath or breathe in a shallow manner, and b) tense your major muscle groups. When you do both at the same time, it is fairly inevitable that you will be cut off from your body and you will be more prone to finishing faster than you wanted to.
To gain more control over your sexual stamina, do the opposite. Breathe deeply into your belly, and consciously relax your body as much as you are able to.
That’s it for this article.
I hope that you feel a bit more normal, a bit more safe in the world, and a bit less anxious about your sex life from this point forwards.
Simply connect to your body, love it for what it gives you, and take care of yourself as best as you can.
Dedicated to your success,
Ps. If you enjoyed this article, you will definitely love checking out a few of the following: