Want to dirty talk to your man in all the perfect ways that are guaranteed to get a mind-melting, cock-stiffening response?
I’m about to break down the deeper mechanics of what turns him on, and give you some examples of it in action, so you can start pressing his buttons, and even improvise your own saucy lines on the spot.
It doesn’t take a bunch of kink gear and sex toys to throw a sense of adventure and intensity into your lovemaking (though it definitely wouldn’t hurt… or maybe a little, but only in a good way).
Dirty talk is one of the quickest and easiest spices at your disposal to add tons of flavour to your sex life. Over time, many couples stop experimenting with different recipes and start cooking with just salt and pepper. They stick to the bare minimum – and that’s cool.
But we both know you’re not here to have a “bare minimum” kind of sex life.
It’s also safe to say that you might be here because you’re a little unsure of how to engage in this whole dirty talk thing. You might not want to say the wrong thing, or end up feeling embarrassed about not being able to do it well.
Luckily, great dirty talk is easy to learn.
First, it will help you to feel more confident about trying this out by explaining exactly what works for men. And I promise you, this is very accurate. I’m not simply drawing from subjective experience. I have worked with literally thousands of men at this point, and I’ve heard some version of these points from all of them.
Then, I’m going to follow up with giving you a ton of lines to use, but know that often the best dirty talk is the stuff that arises in the moment and is unique to you. However, I know it can take a minute to get the hang of it and let the naughty juices start flowing before you feel comfortable ad-libbing your own.
So, let’s start by looking at what works.
Understanding His Arousal Triggers
Saying anything dirty at all is fun enough. But understanding his specific erotic hot-buttons will allow you to tailor your approach.
Many men will have their own specific fetishes and desires to play off of. Such as feet, bondage, or using names like “Daddy” and “little girl.” You can experiment – or better yet: talk with him – to figure out what his specific kinks and favourite fantasies are. But these following four points are the essential underlying dynamics that apply to almost any man.
1. Embodying your sexual goddess
In coaching my female clients over the years, there has been a clear consensus of wanting to be a dirty talking sexual dynamo with their man, but often not knowing where to start, and feeling incredibly shy about opening their mouths and letting this kind of stuff fly.
The fundamental part of doing this well, and turning him on, is being able to talk dirty with authority.
I don’t mean playing the Dominant polarity (unless that’s what the two of you are into). It’s more about speaking confidently without hesitance or shame.
Just like how most women want to feel their man confidently lead, ravish, and direct during sex, most men also want to feel a certain energy from you.
In a word, and I mean this in the best possible way: He wants to feel your “whore” energy. These days, this is a derogatory and controversial word, with an immediate negative emotional kickback. But I don’t mean this in a demeaning way at all.
What the word is pointing toward is liberation, totality, and unabashed sexuality. It’s the underlying deep sense of permission that sub-communicates, “I am a sexual person and that is 100%, completely allowed” that is so attractive.
Said another way, it would be embodying your sexual goddess – shamelessly and fully stepping into your feminine sensuality.
Great, passionate sex is about transmuting and expressing our shadow sides. Our intensity and vulnerability. Dirty talk is a powerful way to do that. Quite often, epic sex, while being consensual and mutually loving, isn’t necessarily always politically correct, or polite.
Why do we enjoy strip clubs? It’s not just because “sex sells.” It’s because we want to experience people—especially women—in their raw, unabashed sexual power. It’s stunning, moving, and hypnotizing. Strippers are skilled professionals at embodying this sexual goddess/god energy.
Most men (and women) don’t go to strip clubs because they’re some kind of dysfunctional pervert. It’s because – in that place – they are given permission to experience the part of their sexual nature that yearns to feel this energy, and play with pleasure.
In our relationships, we often don’t maintain this dynamic. That’s because there are so many more parts of us than just the sexual being. We enjoy furthering our careers, watching TV, and spending time with other people.
We’re busy. So, it’s often hard to switch gears into the sexual space. In short time, we stop talking about sex as much, or expressing our sexual thoughts. Our regular, domestic lives take centre stage.
As a result, the erotic spark gets outsourced to novels, clubs, and pornography.
There is an immense sexual power inside of you that your man is drawn to like a moth to a flame. If you give yourself permission to intentionally access it and play it up, he’ll melt like butter in the palm of your hand.
2. Giving you pleasure
Any man wants to know that he has the power to satisfy you like no one else. He wants to be able to give you pleasure and make you feel amazing. In fact, I’ve heard many of my male clients say that simply witnessing their partner in the depths of pleasure is more satisfying to them than experiencing their own deepest pleasure.
He wants to know that he turns you on. He wants to know that you see him as a sexual being. And he wants to be used for your gratification as well.
The easiest way to freestyle effective dirty talk is expressing what you like, what you want, and how turned on you are. As you do that, you get in the flow and feel even more turned on, which just ramps up the cycle.
Telling him that you’re thinking about sex and what you want him to do, or saying when you’re wet, or describing how good something feels, are all simple examples of expressing the pleasure that you’re experiencing. Be sure to be explicitly, raunchily descriptive for best results!
One extra tip for the extra shy: As you read the lists below, you might think, “Wow. There’s no way I could ever talk like that.”
If you’re completely new to this, and feel hesitant about jumping in, that’s okay. Because, depending on your conditioning around sex, diving right into this might not be as simple as memorizing a few lines.
Maybe sexuality was highly suppressed in your upbringing, or you’re just really self-conscious and worried about making things uncomfortable.
Ultimately, the desire to dirty talk is often a superficial expression of the deeper desire to unleash your sexuality and feel more alive. For some, this journey might benefit from engaging in deep inner work, or sexual therapy.
But in any case, starting by addressing dirty talk with your partner directly can make you feel much more comfortable.
Rather than just shooting some of these lines out there, if that’s not something you’ve ever done, you might want to let him know that you’d like to try spicing things up and let the leash out a bit more on your sexuality.
I promise you that he will be 110% on board. Knowing this ahead of time, he will also be extra encouraging and responsive when you make the effort, which will make you feel safer, while doubling the excitement between you.
So, let’s get into some dirty talk phrases that will drive him wild.
With all the mechanics laid out, I’m going to build them into 83 things you can say that are guaranteed to light a fire in his belly.
You will see that they are split up into three categories – Teasing, Pre-sex, During Sex, and Post-Sex – so you can play up any stage of the process.
Consider these to be training wheels; something to get the ball rolling. You can mix and match whatever you like, take or leave what you will, and use them as inspiration to come up with your own saucy sentiments.
Teasing Dirty Talk
Before you’re even getting sexual, use dirty talk to inject excitement into the day or week leading up to your next rendezvous.
This is where expressing that sexual goddess energy in little moments will make him feel both turned on and insanely grateful to have such an exciting and erotic woman.
You can refer back to recent experiences, things you’d like to do (or do again), and build excitement for the next time you have sex.
– “Will you please fuck me tonight?”
– What was your favourite part of getting naked with me last night?”
– “What do you love about being inside of me?”
– “I can’t wait to be with you later tonight. I think we should have some fun…”
– “Can you have your pants off when I get home later? I’m feeling horny, and I don’t want to waste any time…”
– “What outfit would you like to peel off of me for our date tonight?”
– “I’ve got a sexy surprise waiting for you later…”
– “I can’t focus at work today. I keep thinking about your cock and how well you fucked me last night…”
– “Remember when you went down on me [insert time/location.] Can we do that again?”
– “Is there anything you’d like to do to me/me to do to you tonight?”
– “Do you know what I love the most about your cock…?”
– “Where do you want to take my pussy tonight?”
– “My pussy has been missing you so much.”
– “I can’t wait to wrap my legs around you.”
– “I want to make you cum tonight.”
– “You make me so horny, baby.”
– “I’m imagining what it would feel like to have your cock inside me right now.”
– “I love walking around knowing that my pussy is all yours.”
– “I’m looking at some toys and sexy outfits. What would you love to see me with? I want to blow your mind.”
– “How can I show you how much I love your cock?”
Pre-Sex Dirty Talk
While everything before actually fucking is technically “foreplay,” in this section I’m talking about the stage where you’re actually together, getting naked, making out, and warming up for oral sex and/or penetration.
This one stage is where dirty talking is the most powerful. Introducing it at this point will rocket the tension and anticipation sky high, and cruise at altitude for the rest of the session. The excitement you had from the first handful of times you had sex will often rush back in and rekindle your passionate fires.
– “Do you like that, baby?”
– “I’m all yours, Daddy.”
– “I love it when you grab me like that.”
– “Am I a good girl?”
– “I want you to tie me up, baby.”
– “I’m so wet right now.”
– “You have such a perfect cock. I love it so much.”
– “Is this pussy yours? Are you going to take it?”
– “I’m going to drain every last drop of cum out of you.”
– “I can’t stop thinking about your cock.”
– “I’m so wet for you, daddy.”
– “I want your cock so bad, baby. Please fuck me.”
– “How do you want to fuck me?”
– “I want you rock hard before you enter me.”
– “Can I suck your cock, please baby?”
– “I want to feel your tongue all over me.”
– “I want to lick every inch of you.”
– “Where do you want me to put your cock?”
– “These are your holes. Do whatever you want with them.”
– “I’ve been thinking about this moment all day.”
– “I can’t take it, I need you inside of me, please.”
* * *
Enjoying what you’re reading? Join 20,000+ people and get regular relationship-improving wisdom straight to your email inbox by clicking here.
* * *
During Sex Dirty Talk
Once you’re naked and using your mouths, hands, or genitals to play with each other, supercharge the dynamic with some of these lines.
While the last stage is the most powerful in terms of impact, this stage is certainly the most fun. Because when you’re in the heat of the moment, you’re totally free to push the envelope on just how dirty and intense you can get.
You’ll notice that your mind is more open to dirty talk. And you’ll likely surprise yourself with what you think of to say. Let loose, and get naughty!
– “You feel so good inside of me baby.”
– “Spank my ass like the naughty girl I am for you.”
– “I love sucking your cock. It fits perfectly inside my mouth.”
– “Pound my little pussy with your big cock, daddy.”
– “Tell me how much you love it when you fuck me.”
– “I want you to fuck me from behind.”
– “Go slow, I want to feel every inch of that beautiful cock.”
– “Fuck me harder, baby, please.”
– “Don’t stop, please don’t stop fucking me.”
– “How does it feel to watch me swallow your beautiful cock?”
– “I’m your little girl/whore/slut.”
– “Show me how much you love that sweet pussy, daddy.”
– “Lay back. I want to show you how much I love your cock.”
– “Squeeze my ass, baby. Yeah, just like that.”
– “How do you fuck me so well?”
– “I want you to cum all over/inside of me.”
– “Please cum in my mouth, baby. I want to taste you.”
– “Yeah, cum for me, please daddy.”
– “Where do you want to cum, baby?”
– “Yeah daddy, give me every last drop of your delicious cum.”
– “Mmm, you came so much for me, Daddy, Thank You. I’m such a lucky girl.”
Post-Sex Dirty Talk
As you bathe in the afterglow of a ravenous session, expand the sensuality with some post-sex dirty talk.
This is all part of the practice of making more sexualized conversation, creating the habit of re-engaging the sexual sides of both of you, and getting right back to building excitement for the next time you get naked together.
– “That was so good, baby.”
– “My pussy is so happy.”
– “I’m so grateful for your delicious cock.”
– “You fuck me so well.”
– “I love feeling your cum pour all over me.”
– “When will you fuck me again?”
– “Mmm, next time I want you to cum inside me/on me/on my [insert place.]”
– “Maybe next time you can tie me down.”
– “I’m going to sleep so well dreaming about that.”
– “What do you want to do with me next time?”
– “Was I a good little girl for you, daddy?”
– “Can we schedule that again for the weekend?”
– “Mmm, I can still taste your cum on my lips.”
– “I loved it when you [insert moment/position.]”
– “Can I have your cum for breakfast, too?”
– “I never get tired of fucking you, baby.”
– “How did I get so lucky to have you fuck me?”
– “Why is your cock so perfect?”
– “I wish I could just tie you down and fuck you all day.”
– “Thank you for fucking me so well, daddy.”
Final Dirty Talking Tips
Now that you’ve got a good sense of what you can try, it’s time to test drive a few lines. Try taking note of at least one phrase from each section that feels fun for you, so that you have something spicy to pepper in at every step along the way.
And as you get into it, just remember:
– Be confident. He wants you to feel free, expressive, and excited.
– Get naughty. Let him know you think about sex, and you want it, and let your freak flag fly high and proud.
– Showcase your pleasure, because turning you on will turn him on.
– And, if you need to feel more safety and permission to dirty talk, have a quick conversation with your partner beforehand to express your intentions.
When in doubt, remember this basic rule:
Tell him what you want/are going to do, then comment on it in the moment, and refer back to it afterwards.
And once you’re warmed up and in the dirty talking mindset, let yourself really start having fun by improvising your own lines.
I promise you that he will feel like he hit the relationship jackpot.
Dedicated to your success,
Ps. If you enjoyed this article, you’ll also love checking out the following:
– The Ultimate Sexting Guide: 100+ Sexy Texts To Turn Them On Like Crazy (this piece goes hand in hand with this dirty talk article, and gives you another 100+ things you can text to get your partner fantasizing about you 24/7)