Vaginal orgasm… fact or myth?
It’s insane to me that we never received any education on how to be exceptional lovers (I mean, why learn about love, connection, and intimacy when there’s algebra and a history of wars to memorize, amirite?).
We were not only left in the dark on women’s orgasms, but we absorbed messages from the media that led us to believe that they are incredibly complex, confusing and impossible to understand to any degree.
Male sexuality is relatively straight forward. We have one rod, in plain sight, which you basically stimulate one way and produce one kind of orgasm. Women, however, have multiple points of arousal that are hidden from view, scattered internally and fluctuate with mood – which can make it seem like hunting for buried treasure without a map… and with a blindfold on… and with the belief that only 1% of beaches even have treasure that can be discovered.
The truth is that women are also relatively easy to figure out. It’s just that nobody ever handed us that map. With some general knowledge and the right energetic approach, you can pick this up and help her to reach new levels of sexual pleasure.
Women have three main types of vaginal orgasm. Most guys are only aware of one or two of the three. And the vast majority of women have only experienced one, maybe two, as well. Whatever the reasons may be, our culture has muted the conversation on the full potentials of female sexual pleasure, leaving us ignorant to this wide, juicy world of possibilities.
But I say NO MORE! It’s time for you to feel more capable, and it’s time for her to feel all the pleasure that she possibly can, and deserves to, experience.
I’m going to break down all three orgasms: clitoral, G-spot, and cervical. We’re going to talk about what they are and how to trigger each of them. This will take some exploration but mastering all three is a knack that anyone can develop.
The Keys To Success: Communication & Wildness
Free-flowing, open conversation is absolutely essential here (because remember, sex is about feeling and connecting more than it is about technique).
Seeing as how women are not a monolith, each woman has slightly different preferences for the exact position and angle of your fingers/mouth/cock/the toy, as well as the pressure and speed at which you use them. Or maybe they want you to hold them or talk in a certain way that pushes their buttons.
Between having talked so little about this as a culture and not wanting to look bad in her eyes, some guys are very shy and hesitant around directly asking about her preferences, as well as sharing their own. But this is a crucial part of mastering the process and having both of you experience maximum sexual pleasure.
Plus, she’s often just as shy about asking for what she wants because she doesn’t want you to think that she’s not happy, or subtly trying to tell you that you’re doing a bad job (dude’s egos can be fragile). So to manage each others’ feelings, and avoid a potentially awkward conversation, you both hold back and mutually end up with less than amazing sex.
If we can drop our egos, ask, listen, and be willing to be teachable, our confidence and pleasure levels will shoot through the roof in no time at all.
There’s far too much emotional care taking and self-preservation happening in our bedrooms. Between the sheets, we’re meant to be naked with each other in all senses of the word; to be vulnerable, free, and unapologetically sensual.
This care taking dynamic is also counterproductive to getting into the energetic state that breeds great orgasms: freedom and wildness.
The best sex happens when we’re in our bodies and out of our heads. We’re not second guessing ourselves, what to do, or what the other person is thinking. You surrender fully into them, as well as to your primal impulses – acting from passion rather than a manual. You both feel completely free to fully be yourselves, knowing that you’ll never be judged for anything you do, say, or desire.
So let go of the idea that a real man is supposed to “just know how to do it”, as if you were performing a magic trick and embrace the reality that unleashed, epic sex is achieved in concert with the other person – through feedback and dialogue. Realize that asking what she likes isn’t a sign of being an inexperienced boy, but rather a mature, outstanding, and confident sexual partner.
With that, here are the three vaginal orgasm sweet spots.
Vaginal Orgasm #1 – Clitoral
The clitoris is the most well known female erogenous zone. It’s the most superficial both in terms of being the easiest to find, and also the lightest intensity. It like the warm up “hey-how-are-ya” meet and greet orgasm.
That said, paired with additional internal stimulation, it can compound to trigger huge, full, rounded orgasms. Many women need simultaneous clitoral stimulation to trigger their other, deeper types of orgasms as well.
Most guys think the clitoris is just this pea-shaped thing at the top of the vaginal opening, cloaked by a little fleshy hood. Although that’s definitely key part, it’s actually only the tip of it. Like an iceberg, most of the clitoris is beneath the surface.
That first bit is basically shaped like a really small penis. It has a super sensitive head at the end of a shaft that swells up when she’s turned on. You can even use two fingers to stroke that shaft, and it feels just as good, if not better. The clitoris, after all, has more than twice the nerve endings than the penis. So the sensations are a lot more intense.
From there, there are two wishbone-shaped arms that run down either side of her vaginal opening. These sit on top of/outside small bulbs, which you can feel just inside her on the left and right vaginal walls. These also swell upon arousal and are what make the opening of her vagina feel so soft, tight, and juicy on penetration.
It’s always best to take your time before getting into any direct and/or rapid stimulation. Start with a sensual massage. Caress and kiss her all over. Practice extended foreplay. Tease and lightly touch/stroke the areas around the tip of the clit, rather than jumping right on it.
The best and most comfortable ways to work are while lying beside her, her lying on top facing upward, or her leaning back on you while sitting up on the bed. Not only can you naturally reach down and stroke her clitoris with greater ease, but you can hold her tight, lick and kiss her neck and whisper in her ear at the same time, which bumps up the intensity a few notches.
For a full guide on how to work your tongue into the picture, check out my walkthrough on going down on her with confidence.
While the clit and internal arousal points are good to focus on, keep in mind that they are connected to the rest of her nervous system. The massaging of a breast, lick of a nipple, bite of the neck, (and other hot foreplay tips), will majorly enhance her experience and add to the overall swelling energy that tips her over into orgasm.
Don’t just put blinders on and obsess over this one spot. Try everything, get a little wild, and see what makes her gasp and moan. Ask, listen, refine, repeat.
Vaginal Orgasm #2 – G-spot
The G-spot was found by the German gynaecologist Ernst Gräfenberg. Hence it was given it’s name, “G-spot”.
He found that repeated stimulation of this spot (a disc of spongey tissue about 1.5 inches inside the vagina on the upper wall) yielded deep sexual arousal, powerful orgasms and – sometimes – female ejaculation.
I did a full dive into this specific orgasm in one of my last articles on making her squirt, so check that out for the full scoop.
But I will say again that this type of orgasm requires more warming up, focus, trust, and surrender on both your part, for multiple reasons.
As I talk about in that article, the G-spot orgasm can result in squirting, or be preceded by the sensation of having to pee. To get past the withhold and social taboo around squirting, she will need to feel comfortable both within herself and with you in order to fully embrace the possibility of that happening.
There was also a scientific article posted recently which shows that women have more/better/deeper orgasms with men who are warm, accepting, creative, and good humoured. This gives further support to the idea that the degree to which she can let go in your presence is directly related to how easily and deeply she’ll climax.
Like the clitoral orgasm, you want to start with light pressure and slowly work your way up to firm pressure (and then eventually full throttle).
Mixing stimulation and bouncing back and forth between the G-spot and clitoris can be powerful as well. Just make sure to focus your attention on the G-spot and don’t move away too often. It takes some momentum and consistency to bring this one about. And if you play your cards right, you should be able to bring about multiple.
Once she reaches a climax, it’s always a good rule of thumb to refrain from stimulation for 5-10 seconds and press your whole palm against her clit and vaginal opening. A “grounding palm”, as it’s referred to, serves a dual purpose.
Firstly, it makes her feel supported and secure, and provides a little space for her to really feel the orgasmic wave ripple through her body. Secondly, as her hips rock involuntarily, the simple static contact of the palm provides just enough gentle stimulation that can set off aftershock orgasms.
As mentioned, it could get wet, so it’s always good to have a few towels on hand.
Vaginal Orgasm #3 – Cervical
The orgasmic pot-of-gold. Often disputed and rarely experienced, the cervical orgasm is by far the deepest and most intense vaginal orgasm. It often results in a sustained full-body sense of tingling and a shimmering of pure sensation.
Where the clitoral orgasm may last for a few seconds, a cervical orgasm can last for several minutes. In fact, I once personally had a partner have a cervical orgasm through the duration of an entire 5+ minute song (it was a Kings Of Leon song… in case you were wondering).
Due to their intensity, these can also be accompanied with an emotional release. It’s almost like a neurological earthquake – it can rattle her so hard that repressed emotion is broken loose and ventilated.
Just hold her if this happens. Be patient, gentle, and accepting, and she’ll come out the other side feeling 50 pounds lighter.
Deep penetration is required to trigger this orgasm. It can be done with fingers, but usually a sex toy or well-positioned penis works best.
The cervix is a cylindrical bottleneck of tissue that connects the vagina to the uterus. If you run your finger from the G-spot all the way up and as far back into her as you can reach, you might be able to feel a round firm button. It’s almost what it might be like to feel a belly button from the inside.
A woman needs to feel completely open and clear with her intimate partner in order to access them. In a way, it’s a barometer for how well you’re communicating and processing your emotional friction.
They also say that a lot of women’s trauma is stored in the cervix, so it can be difficult to soften if a woman isn’t doing her own emotional work. But if she’s stepping up to the plate in her life and actively working with her psyche, this is absolutely available to any woman who wants to surrender that deeply into her pleasure with a safe and skilled lover.
That said, stimulation of the cervix doesn’t feel comfortable for every woman, especially at first. But as she becomes more open and aroused, it can begin to feel like an exclamation point rather than a question mark. Trying this during the first few weeks of her cycle can help as well, since that tends to be when the cervix is at it’s least sensitive.
There are two ideal positions for cervical stimulation:
1. Doggy style
2. Cowgirl/reverse cowgirl
This is going to require a lot of awareness and communication on her part. Only she can know her comfort level and where “the spot” is for her at that time. Different types and angles of stimulation will feel better on different days.
But when it happens, this is the kind of orgasm that neither of you will ever forget. As a guy, I can’t tell you exactly how it feels (my partners have most frequently used the words ‘pure sensation’ and ‘shimmering’ while describing it), but I can say that it’s wickedly sexy and beautiful to watch.
Vaginal Orgasm #4 BONUS: Combination Orgasms
It’s not uncommon for her to have a few of these orgasms compound simultaneously. Clitoral and cervical, g-spot and clitoral, or even all three at once.
As mentioned above, some women find they need some clitoral stimulation to trigger these deeper orgasms. While you’re penetrating her, have her stimulate her clitoris and mix it in as feels right to her.
Female orgasms might be more nuanced and numerous than in males, but they’re not as difficult as they’re made out to be. Just by reading this and getting a general layout, your sexual IQ and efficacy has already been significantly boosted way out of the norm. From here, it all comes down to real world calibration (woohoo, homework!) and developing a feel for it.
I applaud your drive to become an excellent lover and reading this far to join the tiny percentage of dedicated men that are armed with this kind of knowledge. Your sex life is about to get very, very interesting.
Dedicated to your success,
Ps. If you enjoyed reading this article, you will also love checking out:
– How To Give Her The Best Oral Sex Of Her Life
– The Best Sex Toy For Women, Ever