Whether you believe it or not, anal pleasure is very, very real.
Being a champion for butt stuff can be tough sometimes. It kind of feels like you’re Galileo trying to convince people that Earth is not the centre of the solar system. Nobody believes you, and some don’t even want to believe you, but the facts are inevitably undeniable, and the results are absolutely game changing.
As it is, anal play is already such a taboo and a little-known domain of sexual pleasure. When it comes to heterosexual relationships, men are usually completely clueless as to the pleasure potentials of their prostate, and women haven’t the slightest clue of how to go about working it, because guys rarely ask for it and nobody talks about best practices.
So, good news! Prostate massage is probably going to be a new and exciting adventure for both of you.
This is your complete walkthrough for giving your man a prostate massage and unlocking the peak potentials of his sexual pleasure (you’re welcome.)
Meet the P-Spot
In the sexual context, the prostate is referred to as the P-spot, because it’s essentially the male equivalent of the G-spot: it can be a little hard to find, it’s somewhat mythical, and it’s the key to next-level orgasms.
The prostate is a male reproductive gland. Its main function is to produce and pump seminal fluid, which makes up the majority of his jizz. Prostate fluid is the slick, transparent part of semen, and also leaks out during arousal to make what we affectionately call “pre-cum”.
When he reaches orgasm, sperm get pushed through the tubes of his testes and “loaded” into the prostate. When he hits the tipping point, the muscles of the prostate contract and launch the end result of his semen through the urethra and out into the world.
As a bonus, performing prostate massage and stroking this little guy from inside the anus, particularly closer to climax, will greatly intensify his orgasms and make cum shoot out of his dick like 4th of July fireworks.
The prostate, or P-spot, is also in a similar location as the female G-spot, except it’s in his anus, not vagina (duh.) It’s about two knuckles deep on the upper-inside wall. You’ll also gently stimulate it using the same “come hither” finger motion used to work the G-spot.
Now, before you dive in to dig around for it…
TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT!
Always, always, always talk with him about prostate massage and butt stuff before you go for it. Since the majority of hetero guys are not educated on the matter, and don’t inherently expect there to be anything worth exploring in their anus, they’re usually not comfortable off the bat with their partners sticking a finger up there.
The reflexive response is not often one of openness and pleasure. It’s usually recoil, discomfort, and/or shame.
But if he’s mentally prepared and open to exploring it with you, he can be on the same page to breathe, relax, and be in the moment with you. When he feels you going for it without warning, he might start to contract internally and get thrown off, or suddenly feel unsexy. And that’s not just because of the initial physical discomfort.
Butt stuff makes many of us feel weird. Throughout life we absorb this idea that it’s a “dirty”, private and highly unsexy part of us. It’s something we intuitively hide from everyone.
On top of that, our biggest fear with our intimate partners is to be rejected. The last thing we ever want is to trigger their disgust reflex and have the reaction be directed toward us. That would make us feel literally repulsive, like some fixed aspect of ourselves is pushing them away and we’re undesirable.
Most men are less than proud of their butt holes. And they will hide them from you at all costs. He’s probably secretly terrified that if you feel a little hair or get some poop on your finger, you’ll recoil and be grossed out, which would make him want to curl up and die inside.
This minefield can be tactfully maneuvered (or totally erased) by a simple conversation. Ask him if he’s had a prostate massage before, and if he would be interested in trying it. Reassure him that you think it would be hot, and you’d love to make him come as hard as he possibly can.
This exchange will give him the opportunity to raise any concerns he has, share past experiences or curiosities, connect intimately and build trust, as well as practically prepare for P-spot play by washing, grooming, and generally getting in the zone.
It’s often the case that he will open up about having curiosities about it, or having tried anal stimulation himself in his younger years, but he just never felt comfortable opening up to a partner and asking them to explore it.
If prostate massage hasn’t really occurred to him as a possibility to explore, he might need to do a bit of his own research to better understand the mechanics and potentials of P-spot play. Education and positive opinions will go a long way in helping him open up to the idea.
Send him this article, if you like.
(And if he’s reading this right now… DUUUDE, DO IT!! It’s so good. I promise you. I know it might seem kind of weird, and you might not have any buddies who have ever talked about it, but it’s seriously next level. Most guys are just not down to open up that much and try something new. A ton of guys have tried this, or are totally into it, but they keep it secret because they’re conditioned to think they’d be made fun of for liking it. Say ‘Fuck You!’ to societal programming.
Give it a shot, take it slow, and write me a “thank you” e-mail later. Also, you should know, the fact that you have a partner who’s into exploring this with you, and maybe even passed this article along, means she’s a total keeper. I hope you fully acknowledge and appreciate her for being amazing.)
So, once you’ve had the preliminary chat, feel researched, and agree to go ahead with the experiment, you’re ready for the step-by-step guide to prostate massage…
How To Give Your Man a Prostate Massage
Lube Note: Get a dedicated bottle of silicone lube for any anal play. It’s the slickest and lasts the longest, which makes it ideal for the anus (because it creates zero lubrication and it’s INSANELY sensitive.) You could use alternatives, but you’ll have to reapply frequently, which breaks momentum and risks sudden painful moments.
Grooming. First, make sure your nails are short, trimmed and filed. You don’t want to scratch his rectal tissue or prostate, because hooooly FUCK that would hurt.
If you have fake, long, or sharp nails – never, ever, ever put your finger up there.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t still give him a P-spot massage. If you like being fancy and don’t want to change your nail situation, there are plenty of male sex toys and prostate massagers you can use. Some even vibrate, which is just another layer of pleasure on top of basic stimulation.
Do not rush. It takes a while for the anal sphincters to get relaxed and ready for any kind of penetration. Some of these muscles can be relaxed voluntarily, while others can’t be controlled and need to be warmed up over time.
Start with light foreplay. Kiss, cuddle, touch – get him fully relaxed, aroused and in his body. Stimulate his penis for a while with your hands, mouth, or whatever way will turn both of you on the most.
The more time you take, and the warmer he is, the better the experience will be for both of you. Going too quickly will only result in a ton of discomfort. You need to give his body time to release the involuntary muscles of the anus.
When you’ve brought things to a simmer, physically warm up the anus area by gently using your fingers or a flat palm on the outside of it. You don’t need lube at this point, but it’s always welcome.
From here on out – bring the lube and bring it bountifully.
For your ease of stimulation, and his general comfort, it’s best to have him laying on his back, or sitting in a comfortable chair in a reclined position. Choose a position where you would comfortably go down on him, and he can fully relax his body.
After some foreplay, when his ass isn’t too tight or resisting your touch at all, but is rather inviting and enjoying it, then lube up the first part of one of your fingers and insert it just to the first knuckle, and see how he responds.
Take. Your. Time.
Remember the rectal tissues are extremely delicate and sensitive. Move in slow motion and let him communicate before you continue to the next steps. Try moving in and out slowly a few times, from the first knuckle to the tip of your finger. Also try drawing very small circles with your fingertip, just to invite some movement and alternate stimulation.
Everything still going well? Then you’re ready to move on to your second knuckle.
Depending on the size of your hands, by this point in time, you should be able to stimulate his P-spot and begin the main part of the prostate massage. If you’re exceptionally tiny, you might have to go all the way to the base of your finger, or third knuckle.
Softly use your fingertip to feel around for a clear bulge. If you’re completely lost and unsure (which you shouldn’t be, it’s pretty obvious) have him orgasm while your finger is in his anus. You will be able to clearly feel the prostate contract and easily locate it.
Once you’ve got it, just like you would use to stimulate the female G-spot, you’re going to use a gentle “come hither” motion. Remember, you’re stroking the inner-front side of his anus – toward the penis – not the backside toward the butt.
Start out very gently, as if you were rubbing your eyeball through a closed eyelid. You’re not going to use nearly as much pressure and intensity as the G-spot can take to reach an orgasm. Subtlety is everything here! The anus is a whole different and delicate ball game than the vagina.
Stimulating just the P-spot on it’s own can be a little overwhelming for him, and even a little confusing. The majority of men generally prefer continuing to have you stimulate their penis at the same time to balance out the odd and intense sensations of the anal stimulation. Plus, it just compounds and rounds out the pleasure in the best way possible.
Use your mouth or a lubed up hand, on his penis, to add another layer of delicious stimulation and blow his mind. Start slow and sensual, and ratchet things up to build intensity as he adjusts to all the sensations.
For a lot of guys, especially if they’re new to this, one finger (generally index or middle finger), along with penile stimulation, is more than enough to perform a good prostate massage and help him have a super fucking intense P-spot orgasm.
But some guys might even want a second finger, if they really get into it and it their anus is open to it. So, if they ask, go for it. Just really take your time and make sure that there’s enough lube available to moisten the second finger fully.
Similar to any blowjob, or hand job, you can stimulate the P-spot with a bit more force and higher intensity as you get closer to his orgasm. But once he cums, you probably can’t stimulate it for long after he because it’ll be fairly sensitive.
If you love watching his cum shoot out of his dick, or getting it on you in any way, you’re in for a real treat. You’re probably about to get an intensity of spray out of him that you’ve never seen before. Prepare yourself! And make sure you let him know just how much you love it.
But don’t get too lost in the excitement. After his orgasm hits and starts to taper off, you need to GENTLY remove your finger from his anus, nice and slow. Don’t rip your hand out like you’re starting up a boat engine motor. The last thing you want to do is put a sour finish on a vulnerable experience.
Guys hold a lot of tension in their assholes, so it might bring up some intense feelings of closeness and vulnerability – both before play, during, and after he finishes.
Once his orgasm fades, make sure you’re present and available to cuddle, chat and love him up through whatever feelings and thoughts arise for him.
If prostate massage was a brand new experience for him, shower him with positive feedback and reassure him that it was a great experience and you’d love to do it again for him (if done well, he should need very little encouragement to do it again.) Make him feel safe to open up with you and explore his pleasure. He will probably enjoy himself, but ultimately wants to make sure you did too, and you’re not off-put by anything.
The Collateral Benefits of P-spot Massage
Having him opening up to prostate massage and anal play will likely have a noticeable positive impact on your relationship. It builds a mental and emotional intimacy that’s no different from revealing secrets to each other and being radically honest.
This is a brand new territory that couldn’t be accessed and shared any other way. In a sense, the butthole is a portal to deeper love and intimacy. It sounds like I’m kidding, but you’ll see for yourself.
This will open up new doors to your sex life, and allow you to continue communicating and exploring new things. It builds trust and confidence between the two of you to be open, honest and adventurous. Once you start putting things up each other’s butts, pretty much nothing feels off limits or too weird to try out.
“Welp, I touched your pooper, so why the fuck not!?”
There’s also a strong psycho-spiritual opening that comes with physical opening. When he opens up and relaxes his resistance to anal play, and allows himself to be completely vulnerable and seen, something begins to shift deep within him.
He becomes more energetically and emotionally open. Life, opportunities and money begin to flow more easily. All the qualities that go along with the term “tight-assed” begin to relax and melt away.
After prostate massages, you’ll be left with a man who has a more open heart, more playful energy, and greater capacities for surrender and joy.
Make no mistake: this is deeply healing work. And you’re an incredible human for helping facilitate this for him.
Before you go, here are some reminders to recap the process for prostate massage:
- Talk things out before diving into P-spot play
- Get lots of silicone based lube
- Warm him up plenty before inserting your finger
- Start with one knuckle, and slowly work your way up to two
- Use the “come hither” motion with your pointer/middle finger
- Simultaneously use your hand/mouth to optimum stimulation
- Enjoy the ejaculatory show
- Consciously and gently remove your finger when he finishes orgasm
- Give him some love!
You two are pleasure pioneers. Nothing makes me happier than to know couples are communicating, taking risks, and exploring their sexuality. That’s multiplied when men are breaking down barriers and opening their hearts to pleasure, love and vulnerability. Thank you so much for doing the work.
Dedicated to your success,
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