For men, educating yourself on how to have sex that helps guide your partner in to deep states of pleasure is a very noble intention.
Not only are you being a solid guy by wanting to provide the opportunity for your partner to experience the maximum amounts of sexual pleasure possible, the pleasure she does experience will also pay endless dividends in generating appreciation and connection in the relationship.
Plus, the more well fucked she feels, the more happy, relaxed, nurtured, and flowing she will feel in her life, and the more juicy and fun your relationship will be. By considering how to maximize her pleasure, you’re doing both of yourselves a massive service.
That said, if wanting to boost her pleasure is coming from the wrong place, it will be counter-productive to the whole intention. Feeling anxiety to perform, or like you’re not good enough, or you’re only a man if you’re serving her and she’s getting off, all bleeds into the sexual experience and takes you out of being an empowered man and a powerful lover.
In other words, if you’re trying to rack up her orgasms on a non-existent scoreboard in order to covertly assuage your anxiety about your own lack of self-worth, then you’re making love from a place of ego and not from love. Don’t make her pleasure about you. Because it isn’t about you.
There is a big but subtle difference between “care taking” and “taking care of”. Servicing and treating your woman as an expressed, loving man is different than doing everything you can to get her off because deep down you feel your worth and her love is tied to whether or not she has an orgasm.
Always relax, ground yourself, be playful, and…
Communicate & Customize
Sex always transforms with communication. It’s not as simple as:
“Step 1, put your bodies together like this – step 2, she won’t stop cumming!”
Some of these positions will be more amazing for some couples than others. There might be small variations you can take beyond these instructions that will take things to the next level, or vary from session to session.
Explore the general shapes and calibrate with her to see what works. Sex positions that are best for her pleasure are usually ones that either promote deep penetration, clitoral stimulation through grinding and rocking, or emphasize a power dynamic. Each of these will focus on one or more of these points.
Some positions invite the woman to be more active in generating stimulation and penetration, and a few put her in a more passive, receiving role. As I’ll mention, switching between these two dynamics can be another great tool to use for enhancing her pleasure.
With these notes in mind, here are the six best sex positions for her pleasure:
Cowgirl is the classic “she’s in control” position. They guy gets to lie (or sit) back and soak in the action. Either lying back on the bed, or sitting up in a chair, she straddles him and rides his cock like she’s on a horse’s saddle – hence the name.
In the laid back version she will effectively be over top of him in a wide kneeling position, with her legs on either side of his thighs. In the seated position, she will have her legs draped over the sides of his thighs, toward his waist, with her feet dangling, or toes touching the floor, depending on her height.
Cowgirl promotes deep penetration and some simultaneous clitoral stimulation, which is a great recipe for a cervical orgasm, should her body be open enough to have one.
Yes, many women love to feel their man express and assert himself, and take control. This feeling can be enough of a turn on to make most positions really pleasurable and trigger great orgasms. But overall, she’s the best judge of the nuanced rhythms and moment-by-moment sensations that will get her there, which is what a couple of these positions will emphasize.
Cowgirl is a great way for her to let her take the reigns. She can listen to, explore and follow her body’s desires. She can slow things down, or get rowdy and feel in control, and generally be saucy af. It invites her to step into expressing her own sensuality and sexual power, rather than laying back and having her partner take centre stage all the time.
2. Split-Scissor Missionary
Lucky for you, and her, this position isn’t so commonly practiced, so you’re bound to have a lot of fun with it. Women tend to be very pleasantly surprised when this gets busted out, and it consistently gets great feedback. She gets options for a full range of depth, intensity, and clitoral play.
Split-scissor missionary gives the man maximum thrusting power while clearing the area between her legs for optimal access to the clit. The easiest way to get into it is by starting in standard missionary, where the woman lies on her back with the man on top of her between her legs. From here:
Step 1 – The guy pivots to one side (usually his less dominant side – to the left if he’s right-handed, to the right if he’s left-handed) and lies on his side, or props himself up on his elbow. Lying on the side is better overall for comfort and freeing up the extra hand to touch and stabilize her body while thrusting.
Step 2 – He takes her closest thigh (the one on whichever side he leaned to) and pushes it up toward her chest, which opens up space to penetrate. The leg can either drape over his side, or remain bent and pushed forward. He then takes her other thigh (furthest away from him) and wraps his legs around it.
From here, he will find he’s either most comfortable penetrating with his legs properly intertwined around her thigh, or with his top leg bent 90 degrees in a “high jumper” position. With his legs wrapped, he creates an incredibly secure base from which to engage in deeper and more passionate thrusting. With the knee bent and raised, he gets maximum depth and range of motion, and can enjoy slower strokes.
If he goes the rougher route, the man can experiment with using his hands to pull downward on her shoulders, or wrap around her back, or neck (there are lots of different orientations to try here) and really secure her in place while penetrating as hard as is comfortable for her. The right grip and pressure also gives her the sense of being dominated, which can add to her pleasure.
With his thrusting game sorted out, she has all the room in the world to play with her clit, use a vibrator, or let the guy cover any manual stimulation, should she want it.
3. Doggy Style
Doggy style is a staple for a few reasons. For her, it offers her depth and a bit of a G-spot connection, along with the option of clit and anal play. For him, the view is super hot and he gets to feel in control. For both, it naturally emphasizes a Dominant/submissive energy, with the woman at the whim of the man’s direction from above and behind her, which most women find highly erotic.
Like split scissor missionary, she can pretty much relax her entire body (depending how high she wants to prop herself up) and let any orgasms happen, while really feeling the power of his sexual presence.
With the woman on her hands and knees, the man gets on his knees behind her, with his knees placed either inside or outside of hers. The placement of his knees determines how wide or closed her legs can be, which will adjust the sensation and overall depth he can reach. The wider her legs, the more open and deeper the access she gives to her vagina.
Keeping his knees at least shoulder width apart will ultimately give him optimal balance and thrusting power, whether or not his legs are wider than hers. Again, if she wants maximum intensity from him, the man can sit a little bit toward his heels, and she can push her ass back toward him. This puts his body and musculature in a position to create tons of power and leverage by holding her hips while leaning back and thrusting.
4. Sideways Straddle
The straddle is another position that puts her in full control to ride the waves of her own pleasure. With the man lying on his back, the woman faces away and straddles one thigh, rather than his whole waist. Narrowing her legs and centring over one thigh allows her to grind her clit on it while enjoying deep penetration.
To enhance the clitoral stimulation, she can lean forward in a more aggressive angle to naturally add weight and pressure. Meanwhile, the guy is treated to a great view and exploring her ass and body with her hands. If she wants the additional layer of sensation, the man can introduce a finger or toy to provide some anal stimulation while she’s doing her thing.
In this type of position, she can get in the zone and disappear in her own pleasure, using him as a tool for gratification. For the man, this is a glorious thing to witness.
Letting her take the lead and generate her own sensation not only enhances her pleasure in the moment, but it naturally arouses the man and makes him eager to properly fuck her. Building this energy and anticipation for him causes an explosion into the following position, which further feeds into her pleasure. It’s effectively like filling a dam and opening the floodgates.
Play with oscillating between different dynamics in these positions to mix it up and create an energetic back-and-forth. This will boost the eroticism and quality of your sessions.
5. Relaxed Cowgirl
This subtle spin on classic cowgirl opens up several new possibilities. From regular cowgirl – where she straddles the man from above, with him laying down – she leans forwards to get within kissing distance. She can either rest on her hands, or fully fold on top of him.
For her, this adjustment allows for more making out in the process of penetration, as well as increasing natural clitoral stimulation on his abdomen as she rocks her hips.
For him, he gets access to more of a delicious handful of her ass and thighs, while opening up the opportunity to actively penetrate from below, rather than being pinned down as he is in regular cowgirl.
The couple is easily able to trade turns being in control of the depth, rhythm, and intensity of the penetration. In a way, it can almost be like a dance battle, where each person takes short turns having fun and showing off, then letting the other answer back to the display they’ve just received.
6. Ankles Up
While this position offers a ton of potential depth and G-spot stimulation, it can also be very uncomfortable for her depending on the day, or where she is in her moment to moment arousal arch, so be mindful to check in on her comfort before getting too carried away.
The woman lays on her back with her feet in the air, and the man penetrates her while sitting in a wide-legged kneeling position. He can either hold her legs by the ankles, or press up on the backs of her thighs, or knees.
She will feel likely more open to this position at different times, depending on where she’s at in her cycle. This position compresses her vaginal canal, making for tighter penetration. It also positions her pelvis in such a way that the man can get extremely deep inside of her, which may or may not feel amazing at the time.
Also due to the pelvis angle, this position will also create natural G-spot stimulation, on the anterior wall of her vagina. The man can focus more on the G-spot and shallow penetration by either backing up his stance, or pushing her legs further away from him, so his strokes don’t push so deep.
With her legs spread wide, and so much open space around the clit, this provides another perfect opportunity to use fingers or a vibrator to generate deeper orgasms along with penetration of whatever intensity is desired. Often times staying deep and rocking or swirling, or slowly giving “just the tip”, can be exactly what does it, rather than full pounding strokes.
No matter what the position, always pay attention to her breath, vocalizations, and subtle body movements, on top of talking. You can gather a lot of information about what’s doing it for her in the moment just by paying attention and using your senses.
If she starts responding well to something, you can confirm it by saying, “You like that, baby?”, or “You want it harder/slower/deeper?”
Once you know what’s really doing it for her, you can tease her and build tension by avoiding it for a moment, or almost giving it to her, then diving right back into it. This will increase the pleasure even more for something that was already pushing a button.
If you’re feeling pretty lost and not confident about what’s doing it for her, never be shy to ask what’s working, or what she wants to try. What does it in one session will sometimes be totally different the next. So thinking you should just know how to get her off, or what will do it every time, is a limiting belief that will stop you from being a great lover and co-creating amazing sex.
Always have fun when exploring and experimenting in the bedroom (or wherever you find yourself stripping naked) and talk freely! She’ll be loving and praising your sex in no time.
Dedicated to your success,
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