The handjob has become a forgotten sexual art. Since most of us tend to think of them as brief stopovers on the way to sex, they don’t get the attention they deserve, nor do they reach anywhere near their full erotic pleasure potential.
When done right, a handjob can be nothing short of a mind-blowing experience – all on it’s own.
The Unique Advantages Of A Handjob
For starters, because he knows you’re not going any further with oral or penetration, his tension and pleasure can be cranked way up.
There is an inherent edge and sense of anticipation infused into the whole experience. His body is building pressure and desire for you that you both know can only be released when he finally comes.
And since you’re only using your hands, you have tons of room to tease him and build all that pressure. Pretty much anything you do that’s lathered with sensual energy will drive him wild – like eye contact, sticking out your tongue, touching yourself, or letting out a few moans.
It’s also rare for a man to just purely receive. He’s usually so occupied with performing and lasting long enough that he doesn’t allow himself to just sit back for an entire session and receive pleasure. Receiving focused, loving attention through his cock from his partner feels nourishing on a deep level.
The Inner Secret To Success
What I just said about things being “lathered with sensual energy” holds a major key to the artful, epic handjob.
Besides knowing what bits to stimulate, and which techniques to use, the biggest thing that’s going to drive him wild is your attitude and sensuality.
You’ll need to recruit your inner seductress, or your stripper. You’re not getting any direct physical stimulation from him, which means your arousal is completely staked on his sheer experience of pleasure, and the pure, relishing expression of your own sexuality.
Sometimes you can easily feel super sexy spontaneously, and just crave the feeling of his erection in your hands. Other times, you might need to prime yourself to access that sexy headspace, so you can bring all this sauce to the table.
If you’re planning the session for a private night in, consider prepping the space in a way that turns you on. If you prefer, and he knows what you like, you could even ask him to take all that on – scents, candles, music, lights, whatever it might be. That way, he’s already building excitement and working with you to get in the mood.
But essentially, it’s a sense of ritual that can help prime a saucier state. In the same way you get ready to go out for the day – looking and feeling good – you can get ready to stay in. That might involve a new set of lingerie, a self-care routine, makeup, sensual dance, etc. So long as it makes you feel sexy as can be.
Next, we’re going to cover the basics of his anatomy, so you can pair this inner bombshell energy with the outer ninja tactics to blow him away.
The Gist Of His Anatomy
For the ultimate handjob experience, it will help you to be able to venture out from the basic “stroke the shaft up-and-down” move. You can experiment with specific parts of his genitals, or stimulate them in different ways.
This list of all the key bits of his setup are spots you can pay attention to. You’ll notice that each of these are paired with a number from 1-10, which is the sensitivity rating, from low to high.
And just because something might have a lower rating does not mean you shouldn’t pay attention to it. I’ve left all that stuff out already. Giving a little attention to each of these will make for a well-rounded experience. Alright, let’s get into it!
The glans (9/10) is the darker pink bell-shaped part at the tip of his penis. This is where the majority of your focus and attention in terms of stimulation is going to go. It’s basically the anatomical equivalent of the tip of your clitoris, just a little less sensitive.
The foreskin (6/10) If he’s uncircumcised, his penis will still have one, which looks like a high turtleneck on a sweater. Its extra hood of skin at the end of the penis that protects the glans. When erect, it will naturally pull back most of the way to expose the glans. We’ll cover how to work with a penis with and without foreskin later on.
The frenulum (10/10) is on the underside of the glans. It’s the thin piece of tissue that connects the skin of the penis shaft and to the glans itself. This is another highly sensitive part that’s good to focus on (Bonus fun fact: You actually have two frenulums inside of your mouth. If you touch your tongue down in front of your bottom teeth, you can feel one there. And if you open your mouth in front of a mirror and lift your tongue, you’ll find another under there as well.
The shaft (5/10) is the cylindrical bit extending the glans away from the body, which we usually consider to be the penis itself, since it’s the largest visible part. It has little to no acute sensitivity, but general pressure and squeezing feels great, and it can handle a LOT of that. This is where stroking and grip comes in.
The testicles (6/10) (or testes) are the two egg-shaped organs hanging beneath the shaft. This is where his sperm is made and stored. Softly playing with these can be very pleasurable, as well as giving them a light tug. Be careful, though, because the cords that attach the testes into the body (the vas deferens) are VERY sensitive. You don’t want to yank, twist, or pinch them.
The scrotum (7/10) which is the skin that forms the pouch around the testes. Don’t let its appearance and function deceive you. The scrotum can actually be deliciously sensitive on most men.
The anus (9/10). Aka. “the butthole.” This is an optional area to include later on in the session. Simply massaging around the opening, or circling a finger just inside can be a spine-tingling addition to the experience. It’s also the gateway to the prostate, which I’ll cover in the “Advanced” section.
The perineum (7/10) is the pad of flesh between the scrotum and the anus. As he beings to warm up, this area becomes very responsive to a bit of massaging touch or use of the tongue. Partially because the skin is sensitive, and partially because the prostate is sitting just on the other side. This also makes for a great bridge to anal play as well.
Now that you know what you’re working with. It’s time to set the stage.
The Sexiest Handjob Positions
Feel free to switch around, and create your own, but here are some base positions that are ideal for handjobs.
Keep in mind that what adds all the deliciousness to this whole experience for him is feeling served, the sexy energy you bring to it, and great views to watch it all happen. These positions will either maximize comfort, visuals, or the power dynamic between you.
1. The Standard
With the man lying on his back, the woman faces him and either kneels or lies between his legs. While it’s not an unfamiliar or very exotic position, it’s insanely sexy when done well.
Because he can’t touch much of anything besides your hair, The Standard position is all about emphasizing focus on him receiving your attention, energy, and tension of eye contact. If you want your partner to feel more like it’s just for him, this is a good option.
You can also give him an amazing view from this position. Rather than fully lying down, come onto your elbows and knees, and lean back to push your butt up in the air. This wickedly shows off the curves of your hips and waist.
2. King’s Chair
With the man sat upright in a chair, with his legs spread, the woman kneels between them. Similar to The Standard position, this position is all about playing up the Dom/sub feeling and creating an insanely sexy view for him. It also gives you better access to his testicles and anus, if those are part of your handjob game.
To him, it feels like sitting in a King’s throne, with his woman saucily immersed in the act of service. So, if you’re in the mood to make him feel honoured, powerful, and valued, this position is outstanding. Making eye contact in this position is especially sexy, as well as the next one.
3. Standing Service
Keeping the Dom/sub polarity, the man stands fully upright, while the woman is on her knees in front of him. This is best for the main stroke and ball-play.
Women tend to love this position because they feel most at service of their man’s pleasure.
4. The Happy Ending
Rather than being below him, or facing him, you might also try standing or kneeling beside him (depending on the surface he’s on).
This is the classic massage table orientation, where the man is lying on his back, with the woman at his side. She can easily kiss while stroking him, touch his chest, or choose to focus with both hands. You probably don’t have a massage table, so the bed, countertop, or floor will do just fine.
Depending on what side you choose, the basic stroke from this position changes as well.
For example: If you’re right-handed, standing on his right side will limit additional options for stimulation, but it will invert your grip in a great way. Where other positions have the main stroking hand with the thumb underneath the penis and fingers over top, the orientation is now inverted – with the thumb on the top of the penis and fingers underneath. This feels fantastic, for reasons I’ll explain shortly.
Whereas if you’re on his left side, your movement is limited, as you’ll have to stay closer to his hips (since your stroking arm is between you and him) but it opens up more options for simultaneous stimulation, because your left hand is free and comfortably able to work his balls or anus.
Handjob Foreplay Tips
Since handjobs are usually considered to be a mere act of foreplay themselves, you’ll likely have to completely rethink your approach on how to give one. With it now being the main event, we’ll be slowing way down and expanding all the time leading up to it.
Build up in baby steps.
Start with kissing lots and touching him all over. You can be creative and engage all the senses. Use everything from the scent of a fragrance, to the feeling of your breath, the sound of moans and dirty talk, and the look of sexy outfits.
When you do finally touch his cock for the first time, keep building the anticipation by doing so indirectly. Make sure it’s from the outside of his clothes. Softly stroke it with an open hand, then give it a few hard squeezes. You can also lick or bite it (mindfully) through his clothes as well.
If you undress him, kiss and lick whatever new skin you expose along the way – like his thighs, stomach. And when his package is fully out, begin with light, slow touches. Don’t jump straight into a vigorous stroke right away. Lightly caress around the base of his penis, the mons pubis (above the penis, below the belly) and testicles.
If you’re keeping his pants on, for whatever reason, reach inside his underwear and give his shaft a solid squeeze. Play with him a bit before you fully unbutton his pants and pull his cock out.
Gradually build up the intensity. Once erect, guys are used to cranking away full-throttle on their cocks. While you want to emulate some of that energy soon, it’s extra hot to keep it going slow and gentle.
To warm up, try a few of these techniques:
- Titillate the testes. Undulate his testicles lightly with your fingers or palm. Give them a very light tug outward. If he recoils, or tells you it’s uncomfortable, just kiss them softly and move to another technique. It is technically a “hand” job, but you wouldn’t exactly be cheating if you used your tongue down here. A light lick against the scrotum will send ripples of pleasure through his body.
- Circle the tip. The opening of his penis is acutely sensitive when he’s hard. Take a bit of spit on the tips of your fingers and make a gentle swirling motion against the tip of his cock, either with the pad of your first finger, or several fingers together. You can go around the opening, or generally rub the whole area.
- Tickle the frenulum. With one hand lightly cradling and supporting his cock, use the index finger of the other hand to lightly, and slowly, pet the frenulum on the underside of the glans. Again, use a little spit here for the best sensation. This move will send more waves of pleasure through his body and leave him begging for you to stroke him.
- Breathe on his glans. Once it’s wet, with spit or lube, the tip of his cock will become more sensitive to warm air of your breath. While you’re playing with his balls, or softly stroking him, bring your lips close and sensually breathe against his frenulum. This not only feels great but is a cruel tease that you might be taking him into your mouth, while making him feel like you’re aroused.
- Gorilla grip. When you do finally wrap your hand(s) around him, do so lightly, and stroke slow. But then you can pepper in a one or two very firm squeezes to tease him and briefly satisfy that itch for intensity. Unless you’re an Olympic weight lifter, you can probably use every ounce of grip strength you have and it will feel amazing.
All this said, depending on where you’re giving the handjob, and your moods at the time, the best and sexiest thing to do might very well be to dive right into passionately stroking him. That’s up to your judgment and intuition. In general, it’s rarer for a man to experience the slow build to hand stimulation, so it’s often a great path to choose.
Once you’re hot-to-trot, you can transition to the main techniques.
The Foundational Handjob Tips
First of all: Lube.
Lube makes the friction of your hands and fingers so much more pleasurable, and feels much more sensual. Most (uncircumcised) guys have been giving themselves handjobs all their lives without lube, so incorporating it will already make the experience more exciting.
If he has his foreskin intact, this provides more slack in the skin along the shaft of the penis, so you’re able to stroke it back and forth, and get away with not having to use lube. But why do that? Make it more exciting and special by lathering him up. Lube will also greatly increase the range of options you have for techniques and styles of stroking. Plus, any men would prefer a wet, well-lubed handjob. And that’s especially the case if he’s circumcised, since there’s no extra skin to move around.
Proper lube or oil is ideal, but saliva will do if you’re in a situation without other options.
Applying the lube. For this step, assuming you’re using proper lubricant, think like a masseuse. Make your initial touch very soft, and repeat a few drawn out motions to lube him up. The first might be an open palm stroke from his balls to his glans, with the other palm following in tow. The second could be a shaft-focused wringing motion, where both hands are lightly twisting and massaging his cock. So long as you do it with sensual mindfulness, it will feel amazing.
Next you’ll begin using the basic stroking technique. This move, in simple repetition with some intensity spikes, will be all you need to make the experience. The rest comes down to all the details you add to it. I’ll add a second technique afterward for the “Happy Ending” position.
How To Give The Handjob
Wrap your dominant hand around the top third of his shaft, and wrap the opposite ring finger and thumb around the base, with the remaining fingers spread flat against his mons pubis for stability.
If he has foreskin, this second hand can be especially useful in pushing/pulling down slightly to stretch the skin and keep his glans exposed. But in either case, the pressure around his shaft and downward against his mons feel incredible alongside the main stroke.
While the dominant hand can intermittently stroke all the way to the base to mix it up, the most sensitive part of his penis is the top third, or less. So, this is where your stroke is going to be focused.
For the smoothest stroke, with the most stamina, the focal point of your hand’s subtle tension will be the thumb, index and middle fingers, while the ring and pinky fingers are mainly there to provide accents. Put light emphasis on the downstroke, rather than the upstroke, to mimic the natural feeling of penetration.
If your hand needs a break, either swap to the other as best you can, or use alternative methods, such as open palms, or paying more attention to the testicles.
Your non-stroking hand doesn’t have to stay on the base. It’s just a good home for it. You could use it to other parts of his body or genitals, or place on his butt or back of his thigh for a little leverage.
Or, The Happy Ending Stroke
If you choose to be at his side in the masseuse-type position, you’ll have the opportunity to give him a different kind of stimulation. Whichever is your dominant hand, position yourself on that side of him. So, if you’re right-handed, stand or kneel on his right side.
Now, when you grip his penis, your fingers will be on the underside of his shaft. What’s so good about this grip is that you are providing much more stimulation to his frenulum. When you stroke, pay extra attention to add a little more pressure with your fingers, so they rake against this sensitive bit under his glans.
Alternatively, you can try another technique in short bursts, where you wrap your hand around his glans and squeeze with your fingers, using plenty of lube. As you squeeze, this will naturally cause your hand to move upward along the tapered glans, effectively stroking it.
Pressure and intensity. This is a HUGE point for his overall pleasure. The dominant hand is the main point of concern here, for how much you squeeze and how fast you stroke. Chances are extremely high that light, casual touch will not get him anywhere near ejaculation, even though it feels amazing at the beginning.
Your grip doesn’t need to be maxed out. A light squeeze will do. The intensity of the pace will be the largest change. If you’re ready to edge him (bring him close to orgasm, then back down) or push him over the edge, the stroke will basically be as fast as you can physically manage, while keeping it smooth and sustainable. If you don’t feel like it’s a workout, or requires a lot of effort, you’re probably going too easy.
When in doubt, just check in with him. Does he want you to squeeze harder? Stroke faster? Or shift your grip to another part of his cock? Going straight to the source is the easiest way to calibrate.
Advanced Techniques
If you want to add a little more variation and excitement to your handjob, try out a few of these ideas:
- Add testicular techniques. While you stroke him, fondle and play with his balls lots, with either the other hand or your mouth. You can take a ball into your mouth and suck with a matching rhythm, or lick the front of his scrotum. When he’s getting closer to coming, but doesn’t want to yet, you can also try wrapping your thumb and ring finger around the top of his balls and pulling down lightly. Be mindful with this move, but it’s a great way to alleviate the pressure and extend his stamina.
- The merry-go-round. Instead of simply moving your hands up and down, wrap them around his cock and twist back and forth. Imagine yourself wringing a towel, or twisting the cap off a bottle of wine. With plenty of lube, this feels amazing. With too little, it could be uncomfortable.
- The waterfall. This technique provides a constant stream of downward-stroking stimulation. Wrap your right hand around the tip of his cock and stroke downward. Once you reach the base, let go. As you move to reset at the top again, your left hand follows behind and performs the same movement, then followed by the right hand again, and then the left, and so on. With one hand followed by the other, in downward strokes, you’re giving him a constant, alternating, interesting flow of stimulation.
- Anal play. While you’re stroking his cock with your most dextrous hand, use the other to touch and rub the opening of his anus. Again, be sure to use plenty of lube here. You could also eat his ass while you stroke him, by using a flat tongue to make small circles with light-medium pressure, or slowly work a finger inside the opening of the rectum to lightly swirl and create full pelvic pressure.
- Prostate massage. If you’re both up for it, try taking anal play one step further and make it a full-on prostate massage, which is basically fingering his G-spot. Find a deeper dive on the best techniques here. This might be the best and hardest orgasm he will ever have.
How To Make The Handjob Even Sexier
Elevating the handjob into mind-blowing territory is all in the extra details. You can amp the eroticism through the roof by working in one of these points:
- Spit on his cock. Whether you spit pornstar style (aka making a noise and spitting it forcefully on to his shaft) or you lovingly lick the saliva into place, in the heat of the moment, this will make his head explode. You might feel weird about it, but I promise you it will see rave reviews. It says, “I’m naughty, completely uninhibited, and love your cock.” If you’re not one for such a bold move, you could alternatively let the saliva quietly fall out of your mouth a little more slowly and sensually.
- Dirty talk. Since you’re in the driver’s seat, with your mouth free, use it to tease him and lather extra sauciness over the experience. As often as you can, deliver any teasing lines while making eye contact. Telling him how much you love and want his cock is always a hit.
- Surprise him. Perform your handjob in sexy locations. That will mean different things to different people. It could be in the front seats of a car, in the kitchen, interrupting him while sitting at a desk/table, surprising him in the shower, or secretly in public when out on the town at night. Everyone loves a bit of taboo and the unexpected. Because all that’s needed is an open zipper fly, an erection, and one hand, you can whip a great handjob experience out pretty much anywhere (anywhere that’s legal).
- Introduce porn. While you stroke him, have him put on headphones and watch his favourite porn actress or scene. This is something few men will ever experience in their lives. It takes a secure partner to encourage their lover to visually fantasize about someone else. But it’s super erotic because you’re giving him permission to indulge in something that’s usually enjoyed in secret, while sharing the experience with him.
- Have him give you a demo. Ask him to show you how he likes to touch himself. This is a sexy moment for both of you, while you can also do some recon and get tips on how to best stimulate him. If you’re wondering what he wants at any given moment, this can be a sexy way for him to reveal what kind of pressure and speed he’s craving.
Then, When He’s About To Finish…
After intensifying your stroke for a while, he will likely be hitting climax (and if you’re having any trouble, remember men are very auditorily stimulated, so some moaning, “mmmm’s”, or dirty talk will help push him over the edge).
Have him ejaculate wherever feels sexiest for you. Your excitement while he’s coming will still be a big part of finishing the experience. So pick a way that turns you on. Common ideas would be on his stomach, on your chest, into your mouth, or into a cloth.
Most men’s penises will become very sensitive once they ejaculate (specifically around the glans and frenulum). So, when he does come, slow way down and drastically loosen your grip. Keeping your fingers wrapped around the tip, or very subtly stroking, can still feel amazing while he’s initially coming. You might also squeeze the base of his shaft a bit. Not enough to block the flow, but just enough to add subtle pressure.
What Most Women Do Wrong
– Not doing it at all. Few women actually give dedicated handjob time during sex, let alone a full handjob experience. The fact that you’re here (and that you’ve read this far down the page) is already an amazing sign.
– Not using lube. Technically you can get by with dry hands (with an uncircumcised partner), since most guys have developed their masturbation habits without lubricant. But you’re missing out on a massive amount of pleasure potential and the opportunity to try different moves and techniques that only lube can allow.
– Too little pressure and intensity. The most common sin in the handjob realm is being too weak with your grip. The penis is incredibly tough, and it loves hard, fast stimulation. Yes, subtlety and build up are important. But so is the crescendo. Some parts of a handjob should basically be an arm workout.
– No presence or enthusiasm. Doing anything with a casual, absent-minded vibe in sex is the opposite of arousing. If a woman is bringing lackadaisical energy to a handjob, a few things might happen. Either the man will: be left wondering if she’s even into it, or wishing she was more excited, or driven into his head to start fantasizing about other scenarios/people in order to get into it.
Recap Of Your Mind-blowing Handjob Tips:
- Use the inherent limits of going hands-only to your advantage. Tease the shit out of him with your words, mouth, and body.
- Work up nice and slow (or don’t, if you’re feeling ferocious)
- Use plenty of lube/saliva
- Keep your main stroke consistent with good pressure and speed
- Use sexy eye contact, dirty talk, and other creative elements to ramp up the hotness level and push him to climax
- When he comes, back off the stimulation a lot, but not all the way
- Sit back and enjoy his breathless praise
With even a few of these efforts, your man will be thrilled to report he’s just received the most epic handjob of his entire life!
Dedicated to your success,
Jordan
Ps. If you enjoyed this article on the ever elusive handjob, you’ll also love checking out:
– Inside The Male Mind (a video series for the lovers of men, which includes a video demonstration – on a male model – of how to give the ultimate penis massage / handjob)
– The Ultimate Guide To Giving Him The Best Blowjob Of His Entire Life
– How To Give A Life-Changing Penis Massage (aka Lingham Massage)
