Some blowjobs are good. Others are unforgettable.
And often, the difference isn’t technique… it’s the energy that you bring to it.
When you lean into a more submissive dynamic, you create a level of intensity that can turn even the simplest act into something that feels electric for both of you.
In this article, I’ll walk you through nine practical steps to give more submissive blowjobs. Ways to lean into the energy of surrender, service, and devotion without ever losing your own sense of power and choice.
Let’s dive in!
Clarify What Submissive Means To You and Your Partner
Before you dive into trying to give more submissive blowjobs, it’s worth slowing down and clarifying what the word submissive actually means, for both of you.
For some couples, “submissive” might mean playful teasing, making extended eye contact, and showing enthusiasm through body language. For others, it could mean verbal affirmation, like calling him “sir” or clearly stating how much you love pleasing him. For others still, it might mean adopting specific body positions or rituals that reinforce the dynamic.
There is no one-size-fits-all definition. Submissiveness is a spectrum, and what feels sexy and exciting to one couple might feel awkward or off-putting to another. That’s why communication is your foundation.
Try the following.
Sit down with your partner and each describe what “submissive” means to you in the context of oral sex/your overall sex life.
Share what feels exciting and what feels like a turn-off.
Make note of overlapping desires, and highlight anything new or intriguing you’d both like to try.
This way, instead of assuming you’re on the same page, you’ll know exactly what works for both of you. Clarifying upfront not only avoids miscommunication, it also creates anticipation. You both get to look forward to trying out a dynamic that’s been mutually chosen, which makes the experience richer and hotter for both of you.
Create Emotional Safety First
Before you explore anything submissive in the bedroom, you need a foundation of trust. This is not a dynamic that works well in casual flings or with brand-new partners. Why? Because power exchange (whether subtle or explicit) amplifies both pleasure and vulnerability.
In established, committed relationships, you already know each other’s rhythms, cues, and emotional tells. You’ve had time to build confidence in each other’s goodwill. That matters, because in a submissive role, you’re opening yourself to being led, watched, and directed in ways that can feel incredibly intimate, and at times, exposing.
If the relationship doesn’t yet have that foundation, it’s too easy to step on each other’s toes. A playful comment might land as criticism. A move meant to be sexy might feel uncomfortable instead. Without emotional safety, the experiment risks breeding insecurity rather than connection.
So, set the stage first:
Commit to open, ongoing communication in your relationship.
Practice tuning into each other’s needs in and outside of sex.
Confirm that you both feel ready to explore this territory together.
When emotional safety is prioritized, the submissive role becomes a space of freedom, not fear. You can let go more fully because you know your partner has your back. And that’s what makes the experience both hot and sustainable.
9 Steps To Hotter, More Submissive Blowjobs
1. Ask for permission first
Before you physically engage with his body at all, it’s good to use your words. Explicitly ask him for permission to touch his body, undress him, take him into your mouth, etc.
This does double duty in making your blowjobs more submissive because you not only are getting him to lead you, but you also get to incorporate submissive, blowjob dirty talk in the process.
You can check out my articles on submissive dirty talk, blowjob dirty talk, and loving dirty talk. Or use some of the following phrases:
– May I undress you, sir?
– Can I kiss it?
– Does this feel good?
– Can I please put you in my mouth now?
– May I please suck you off?
– Are you ready?
2. Eye contact from below
Whether during foreplay or during the act itself, eye contact is a powerful tool to play with.
And there’s a few things you want to consider when it comes to eye contact.
For some submissive blowjobs you’ll want to give ample eye contact. For others you might want to avoid eye contact altogether (either because of a feigned shyness or because your eyes are closed as you’re so into what you’re doing).
But one thing to play with is making sure that you are providing eye contact when you are at a physically lower position than him. As in, you should only make eye contact when when his head (the one attached to his neck) is further away from the ground than yours. This is because if you’re over top of him (like if he’s lying on his back) and make eye contact, it can start to have more dominant energy, which is the opposite of what you’re going for.
3. Slow, teasing beginnings
When it comes to giving more submissive blowjobs, you want to take… your… time.
Each step can take four times longer than you think it can.
When he still has all of his clothes on, you can gently stroke his legs, stomach, and crotch for a while. Several minutes even. The more you tease, the more excited he’ll be to ‘begin’ the blowjob.
When his pants come off, you can tease him through his underwear. And once his underwear has come off, you can still touch everything but his penis for a while.
Of course, there are some blowjobs that are served by you being so overcome with desire to get his penis on your mouth that you just can’t control yourself and take him into your mouth right away. But as a default, it’s better to build anticipation by going slowly.
4. Undress
Another way to make your blowjob more submissive is to be completely naked yourself.
There can be an increased power imbalance (that you can intentionally play with) by having you be more naked than your man.
Since you’re more physically exposed than he is, you’re in an inherently more vulnerable position, which makes it more subby.
Whether you get completely naked, wear some tiny lingerie, or a blindfold or handcuffs (more on this later), your nudity in relation to his is definitely something worthwhile to play with until you find what you both like the most.
5. Ask for guidance while doing it
A time-tested strategy for making your blowjobs more submissive is to ask for verbal guidance while you’re doing it.
Whether you take this into a full-blown experience gap kink (where you pretend like you’ve never done this before and need to be led) or just ask for his guidance on moment to moment technique/sensation is up to you. But it’s a fun thing to play with.
On the experience gap side of things, you’d say things like:
– Where do I put this?
– What do I do now?
– Should I touch you here?
And for general guidance, you can say things like:
– Does this feel good?
– Do you want more or less pressure, sir?
– Do you like it when I use this much spit?
Again, asking for verbal guidance can be a fun and super hot way to incorporate dirty talk, while involving your man in it directly.
(Some women give men 3-minute orgasms with blowjobs. Want to learn this yourself? Click here to find out what every Queen of Blowjobs knows.)
6. Let it be messy
It’s an incredibly rare man who doesn’t want the blowjob to be super messy. As in, the more saliva the better!
Let the drool trickle down his shaft, and down your chin. Let there be so much saliva that he can feel it dripping down his scrotum. If there’s a significant wet spot underneath him once you’re all done, you’ve done a great job.
It’s not only the sensation of the saliva that makes things better, but there’s also a sense of “She loved giving me a blowjob so much that she forgot or didn’t have the time to swallow any of her spit.”
Neat, tidy, and reserved don’t tend to bring out the most heightened states of passion. But salivating with abandon and letting things get a bit out of control, messiness-wise, do. So, when in doubt, lean towards an abundance of wetness.
7. Play with positions and locations
Different positions and locations can also make for more submissive blowjobs.
You can see a whole list of different blowjob positions and locations in these articles (sexiest blowjob positions, most comfortable blowjob positions, hot blowjob locations), but remember that you can bring a ton of variety into your blowjobs just by playing with these two things alone.
For the positions, are you above him or below him? Is he standing, sitting, or lying down? Are you standing, sitting, or lying down? Can you move your hands/arms/legs or are you restricted in your movement?
For locations, are you somewhere you both feel totally comfortable, safe, and relaxed? Is it a new room or location in your house? Is it somewhere a bit riskier?
Over time, you’ll likely find your favorite positions to do it in, and places to do it. But it can be incredibly erotic to have your two to three go-to’s (for each category) and switch between them now and then for some variety.
8. Get tied up
One way to significantly boost the Dom/sub dynamic of your submissive blowjob is to be tied up or restricted in some way(s).
This can look like:
– Being blindfolded
– Having your wrists tied to each other or to something else (bed post, etc.)
– Having your feet/ankles/legs tied to each other or to something else
And the most extreme version of this would be to have all four of your arms and legs be tied to a four-post bed so that your man simply uses your mouth for his pleasure. This, of course, is not a move for beginners.
If you and your man like playing with physical and/or sensory restriction to heighten the polarized charge of the moment, this is not something to sleep on.
9. Finish him how he likes it
When you’re nearing the end of the blowjob, it can be extra valuable to either already be aware of how he tends to like to finish, or to ask him (on a session to session basis) how he would like to finish.
Where and how he opts to finish is up to both of you… what he ideally wants and what you’re available for. He can finish in your mouth, on certain parts of your body, or anywhere else you can think of.
After all of this highly charged submissive blowjobbery (it’s a word now, I invented it), he’ll likely be finishing with an incredibly powerful orgasm, so get ready!
In the comedown of the orgasm, you can either maintain the submissive tone, or switch to a more loving, tender afterglow mode. Feel the moment, and make space for whatever is meant to come up.
I hope that you got a lot from this article, and, know that these tips are just the beginning.
Reading about blowjob techniques will only get you so far. Click here to get the one secret ingredient that turns even a mediocre lover into an absolute Queen of Blowjobs.
Dedicated to your success,
Jordan
Ps. If you enjoyed this article, you’ll also love checking out:
– Bring Him To God: Advanced Handjob Mastery For Women
– Submissive Dirty Talk: 171 Sexy Things To Say To Him
– Blowjob Dirty Talk: 55 Sexy Things To Say While Giving Head
